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Hello everyone,

My name is Dale or kssaints if you prefer. I am a Social Work student and secondary survivor. In my life I grew up with a very close friend who lived a horrific existence of sexual, emotional, and physical abuse at the hands of his father. I knew his childhood was terrible but had no clue about the horror he grew up in until we were in our early twenties and late one night he opened up to me. Six years ago my friend died in a car accident and I have always wondered if I could have done more to help him process what had happened to him. Recently I began seeing a very funny, vibrant, and beautiful woman who had suffered sexual and verbal abuse from her grandfather. It seems as though about 80% of the women I have dated have been sexually abused within their own family units while growing up. My own mother told me about a great uncle of mine who attempted to sexually abuse her and her older sister. I consider myself fortunate that I never had to experience first hand the pain associated with sexual abuse. I have joined in an effort to understand and learn about the experiences and needs of those who have been victimized.

 

 

 

 

 

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welcome kssaints. If you can learn to understand people suffering like must with out have been a survivor yourself, more power to you. We survivors need a outside voice because must of us fell that we are not heard when we speak out about our abuse. And anyone that is willing to try I am all for it.

again Welcome to our family

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6 hours ago, kssaints said:

Hello everyone,

My name is Dale or kssaints if you prefer. I am a Social Work student and secondary survivor. In my life I grew up with a very close friend who lived a horrific existence of sexual, emotional, and physical abuse at the hands of his father. I knew his childhood was terrible but had no clue about the horror he grew up in until we were in our early twenties and late one night he opened up to me. Six years ago my friend died in a car accident and I have always wondered if I could have done more to help him process what had happened to him. Recently I began seeing a very funny, vibrant, and beautiful woman who had suffered sexual and verbal abuse from her grandfather. It seems as though about 80% of the women I have dated have been sexually abused within their own family units while growing up. My own mother told me about a great uncle of mine who attempted to sexually abuse her and her older sister. I consider myself fortunate that I never had to experience first hand the pain associated with sexual abuse. I have joined in an effort to understand and learn about the experiences and needs of those who have been victimized.

 

 

 

 

 

Hi Dale welcome to AS. I am sorry about your friend passing away. It is a hard question could I have done more, by the sounds of it you were there for your friend. It takes along time for people to open up about what happened to them and some who never can.

Yes it is sad that so many people have suffered from sexually abuse at some time in their life. When you think about out 1 out of every 3 girls and 1 out of every 6 boys, that are reported. I think it is good that you want to try to understand this, and help others.

Patricia

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6 hours ago, kssaints said:

Hello everyone,

My name is Dale or kssaints if you prefer. I am a Social Work student and secondary survivor. In my life I grew up with a very close friend who lived a horrific existence of sexual, emotional, and physical abuse at the hands of his father. I knew his childhood was terrible but had no clue about the horror he grew up in until we were in our early twenties and late one night he opened up to me. Six years ago my friend died in a car accident and I have always wondered if I could have done more to help him process what had happened to him. Recently I began seeing a very funny, vibrant, and beautiful woman who had suffered sexual and verbal abuse from her grandfather. It seems as though about 80% of the women I have dated have been sexually abused within their own family units while growing up. My own mother told me about a great uncle of mine who attempted to sexually abuse her and her older sister. I consider myself fortunate that I never had to experience first hand the pain associated with sexual abuse. I have joined in an effort to understand and learn about the experiences and needs of those who have been victimized.

 

 

 

 

 

Hi Dale,

Welcome to AS. I am always happy to see secondary survivors on the forum, because it tells me that a survivor out there has support of someone who really cares. Not all of us do. For your friend that passed away, you probably did help him more than you know. It is very difficult to trust anyone with dark secrets that are embarrassing and frightening. There is also a self-blame that is common among survivors, even tho the only one to blame are the people who hurt others. I am glad he had the opportunity to trust you.

As for the woman that you are seeing, be patient and be supportive. Let her know you are there and willing to talk, if she likes. I am sure she appreciates the fact that you know and haven't thought her too much trouble. Stay supportive and kind, and I would say she is very lucky to have you.

Mary

:aswelcomesu:

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Hi Dale and welcome to AS. Sorry that you lost your friend. Glad you are here - it is nice to see people who have no first hand experience care. :)

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