Emily Doe made me want to talk about it...

[MarieDoe]

Hi there. I'm not really a huge fan of talking about what happened (7 years later I still try to convince myself it wasn't as bad as I thought it was) but with the Brock Turner case and Emily Doe's letter... I feel like enough is enough. 

So -- hi there. You can call me Marie. Mid 20s female from the USA. Assaulted in college. I'm going to try and track down the part of the forum to share my story in, because I deal with a LOT of self-blame and doubt (was it or wasn't it an assault, etc) and could REALLY use some advice. 

I am really, truly sorry that we all share this as a common experience, and hope this board will help. 

[patriciag]

Hi Marie, I am sorry what you went through in college. It is sad that we all share this experience but it is also nice to now we aren't alone and their are others who understand and can help us.. You have found a safe place here.

[marriedsurvivor]

I am so sorry that this happened to you.  I have not had the same exact experience, but I can relate to your experiences of self blame and the constant need for validation from others.  While there is no simple fix, I have been able to understand one thing.  The reality that a lot of survivors (including myself) create isn't really real.  Things really are NOT your fault.  People really are NOT out to attack you.  You ARE worthy.  You ARE beautiful and like-able.  Self blame comes in a lot of forms.  In short, for the past three days I have been practicing picturing myself outside of myself...every time I want to blame myself.  I look at the situation objectively as if I am a third party and say "am I at fault here?"  "Have I done something wrong?"  Usually the answer is no.  You are a good person, and a brave person for coming out about your attack.  You will get through this.  Don't give up.  <3

[MeBeMary]

2 hours ago, MarieDoe said:

Hi there. I'm not really a huge fan of talking about what happened (7 years later I still try to convince myself it wasn't as bad as I thought it was) but with the Brock Turner case and Emily Doe's letter... I feel like enough is enough. 

So -- hi there. You can call me Marie. Mid 20s female from the USA. Assaulted in college. I'm going to try and track down the part of the forum to share my story in, because I deal with a LOT of self-blame and doubt (was it or wasn't it an assault, etc) and could REALLY use some advice. 

I am really, truly sorry that we all share this as a common experience, and hope this board will help. 

Hi Marie,

Welcome to AS. I am very sorry that you have experienced trauma, but you have found a very supportive site. What you feel is quite normal for a trauma survivor, and as you look around the site, I'm sure you will see much of these type feelings. In general, I believe if you found a way to reach out on a site like ours, you definitely have been hurt and you are wanting to heal from this trauma, and that is worthy of the support you will receive her. I wish you many steps on your healing journey.

Mary

 

[Iheartcupcakes]

Hi Marie. 

I was also sexually assaulted in college in addition to being raped and experiencing other violent crimes six months ago. I can relate to your pain. You are correct...it is sad that there are so many survivors in this world. I hope you can find some peace and comfort here. We are here for you.

[blondi]

Welcome Mariedoe, 

You can post in "Share Your Story" as soon as you have completed 10 posts on the forums. 

[Broken8]

3 hours ago, marriedsurvivor said:

I am so sorry that this happened to you.  I have not had the same exact experience, but I can relate to your experiences of self blame and the constant need for validation from others.  While there is no simple fix, I have been able to understand one thing.  The reality that a lot of survivors (including myself) create isn't really real.  Things really are NOT your fault.  People really are NOT out to attack you.  You ARE worthy.  You ARE beautiful and like-able.  Self blame comes in a lot of forms.  In short, for the past three days I have been practicing picturing myself outside of myself...every time I want to blame myself.  I look at the situation objectively as if I am a third party and say "am I at fault here?"  "Have I done something wrong?"  Usually the answer is no.  You are a good person, and a brave person for coming out about your attack.  You will get through this.  Don't give up.  <3

Love this post  

Thank you for thinking that way and for sharing. It gives me hope that my friend/partner will learn to accept that this is the reality.

[MarieDoe]

Thank you all for the warm welcome! I am looking forward to being able to share my story and help work through this with others as well. I am saddened by many of the things I have read so far, and my situation seems so mild compared to most  

[HiddenHeart]

Hi, Marie! Welcome!

It is really hard sometimes, but please try not to compare your experience to someone else's ... It is what you experienced and trauma is trauma. You have a right to be able to heal from what you experienced. Coming here, reading and sharing as you feel comfortable is a great place to start. 

[crushedflower]

     

[m45]

Thank you for sharing. I also arrived here thanks to Emily Doe and her courage. I agree with you, whilst it can be reassuring to know you are not alone in your traumatic experience, it is devastating to know so many people have be subjected to so much pain.  I hope you find what you're looking for here. 

[Struggling88]

Hi, Marie, and welcome! 

[Meggy24]

Hello. I can relate to your story and feelings. My attack for 6 years ago and I still struggle with the same issues you are facing. Know that you are not  alone. Please message me if you would like to talk. 

[Valentina]

Welcome to the forums, so sorry for what brought you to us. I hope you can heal in time.

[Tannyluck]

Hi and welcome to AS! I hope you find our community supportive/informative.