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Hello everyone.I am new here .I wanted to share what happened to me when i was very little.I don't remember my exact age when it happened , but i am sure i was less than 6 year old.

My memory is still little fuzzy as i was very young , but i remember what happened very clearly . I don't remember how i got there , but i do remember what happen and it still haunts me. i wish i could forget but i can't . I was raped/molested/abused (i don't know what to call it)  2 times by two different men(assholes).

For a long time i thought whatever happened was my fault ,that i wanted those thing to happen . Maybe in some Conner of my mind i still think that it was my fault ,that i wanted those things to happen . I don't know . 

This is the first time i am sharing this with anyone. I have never told about it to anyone . 

I cry myself to sleep sometimes when images of that time get stuck in my head . I don't know what i can do to move on from this. It has been approx 18+ years to those incident.

 

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Welcome to AS Shanu. I am so sorry this happened to you at such a young age. It is hard not to blame yourself but it was not your fault! I am so glad you found this site and that you finally have a place to share your story. It is horrible having to keep it all inside. Maybe talking to people here will give you the strength and support to find a therapist to help you process these memories so that they do not interrupt your life and make you suffer so much anymore. Hope you find this place helpful and supportive. :notalone:  :youcanheal:

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3 hours ago, shanu said:

Hello everyone.I am new here .I wanted to share what happened to me when i was very little.I don't remember my exact age when it happened , but i am sure i was less than 6 year old.

My memory is still little fuzzy as i was very young , but i remember what happened very clearly . I don't remember how i got there , but i do remember what happen and it still haunts me. i wish i could forget but i can't . I was raped/molested/abused (i don't know what to call it)  2 times by two different men(assholes).

For a long time i thought whatever happened was my fault ,that i wanted those thing to happen . Maybe in some Conner of my mind i still think that it was my fault ,that i wanted those things to happen . I don't know . 

This is the first time i am sharing this with anyone. I have never told about it to anyone . 

I cry myself to sleep sometimes when images of that time get stuck in my head . I don't know what i can do to move on from this. It has been approx 18+ years to those incident.

 

Hi Shanu welcome to AS. I want to first to say to you, what a big step you took in sharing what happened to you. I know that this is so scary to do and it is   really a big step.

For me I call it  sexually abuse and abused or on the site here you will see the words csa ( childhood  sexually abuse) .

WE all feel it is our fault and feel the shame. But it is not your fault, you were a child, you did NOTHING wrong!!!!!! It took me along time to know that and believe it. The men that do this are very good at making it our fault in my case it was my father.

It may help you to write things down or draw things when they are stuck in your head. I can't draw at all but if I can't find the words, I just use my colour pencils and use the  different colour to show how I am feeling, it is good to give what is inside you a voice, to let it out. You will find many here that are here for you as you start your new journey. You are not alone here and this is a safe place.

Patricia

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Hi and welcome to AS! It takes tremendous courage to share your story. I hope you find our community supportive/informative. I wish you well on your path to healing.

:notalone::aswelcomesu::youcanheal:

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14 hours ago, shanu said:

Hello everyone.I am new here .I wanted to share what happened to me when i was very little.I don't remember my exact age when it happened , but i am sure i was less than 6 year old.

My memory is still little fuzzy as i was very young , but i remember what happened very clearly . I don't remember how i got there , but i do remember what happen and it still haunts me. i wish i could forget but i can't . I was raped/molested/abused (i don't know what to call it)  2 times by two different men(assholes).

For a long time i thought whatever happened was my fault ,that i wanted those thing to happen . Maybe in some Conner of my mind i still think that it was my fault ,that i wanted those things to happen . I don't know . 

This is the first time i am sharing this with anyone. I have never told about it to anyone . 

I cry myself to sleep sometimes when images of that time get stuck in my head . I don't know what i can do to move on from this. It has been approx 18+ years to those incident.

 

Hi shanu,

Welcome to AS. I am very sorry for the trauma that you endured as a child. It is never ok for someone to hurt another this way. You were a child and innocent, nothing you could do or say would make it ok for these assholes to hurt you. Self-blame is to common and is the result of trauma...not what you did. I hope that as you begin your journey of healing that you will be able to let that thought leave you. I wish you the best as you begin that healing journey.

Mary

:youcanheal:

 

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