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Returning Member - New Trigger - Old Feelings

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Hello - I have been away for a few years so I want to re-introduce myself I am Tinkerbelle and have been dealing for years with childhood abuse that went through my years as an adult. My space has recently been invaded again by the person I worked so hard to extricate my feelings about, and overcome triggers for those feelings. For the past few years the person responsible now has dementia and I am the POA and Primary Caretaker. Bad enough to have to be the one at the Nursing Home daily and only family member to be involved, but recently this person has been exhibiting behaviors that although innocent enough for any other person who would observe them  because they do not know this individual and see the person as they are in this demented state, But for me I have experienced traumatic flashbacks lately and it is to the point where I needed to return here to find commonality and a safe harbor. As with so many of us here the rest of the family has no idea I am dealing with this. I am 66 y/o and it has been my own burden to bear all these years. I have to put on a front when I am there providing care. There is a duality to this that I loathe, However I am hoping that my return here and the opportunity to find others who are dealing with these feelings will assuage my despair and feelings of vulnerability, This stuff never goes away even after therapy and support groups a specific incident can trigger all those old feelings.   I came here for the first time in 2007 and for a few years was able to find a safe harbor and an independent life. But now I am once again placed in a situation where I am almost captive to having to deal with these things AGAIN,  Thank you all for being here,



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Welcome back Tinkerbelle! What you are going through sounds really tough. Being a carer is so difficult and emotionally and physically draining in the first place - having to do this for your abuser and suffering through these triggers must be horrible. I am sorry that you are going through this. Hope you find this place helpful once more and can work through your feelings in this safe environment. :notalone: :supportu:

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Tinkerbelle, my first impressions are to want to learn from you how to be that strong. What you are doing is the definition of grace, mercy, and love. And against those things, there is no law.

All I know to do right now is to tell you that I support your healing 100%.


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Hi tinkerbelle,

Welcome back to the site. I can see how this situation is very triggering to you and I'm sorry that you are going thru this. I don't think many of us could. The site may be a little different, but still have the same kind and understanding members, tho maybe a bit more than you remember. It really has grown, even in the time I've been here. You always have that safe harbor here and we all support you. I wish you well as you continue on your path of healing.




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I was the secondary caregiver for my grandmother who passed away a few years ago. So, I understand some of the caregiver stress piece and how hard that is. But, I agree with Matthew, what you are doing is really on a whole other level. May you be given strength and grace in your time of need. 

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Welcome back Tinkerbelle, 

I am very sorry this family responsibility has fallen on you. I wish another person were available to address these care issues. Is a conservator an option? Rules vary between states. But it might be worth looking into if it creates a healthier situation for you.  Take care.

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Hi. I'm new here. But just read your post and omg. I really don't know how you are coping seeing him again let alone bringing yourself to "care"for him. I used to be a carer 2 but I know there's no way I cud look after the person responsible for my child abuse. Your so strong and shud feel so proud of yourself for that massively. Even tho you probably feel like running out the door and quitting your job no doubt. Your 1 amazing lady.x

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Hi and welcome back to AS! I hope you find the same comfort here that you found years ago. I can't even imagine how incredibly difficult it must be for you to be primary caregiver and POA! I wish you well on your journey to recovery. Please let me know if you need anything!


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