I'm new here

[Sian33]

Hi, im new here, don't really know where to start, im just feeling really confused right now, struggling to come to tearms with what happened,  I was sexually abused from the age of 6 to the age of 29, I know, a long time, but I couldn't tell anyone, I was/still am, so scared, ashamed and guilty, im 33 now, I just feel so alone, I've got no family I can turn to, no close friends that i can rely on. Hope I can find support in AS, thanks.

[reglois]

     if  ok

[patriciag]

4 hours ago, Sian33 said:

Hi, im new here, don't really know where to start, im just feeling really confused right now, struggling to come to tearms with what happened,  I was sexually abused from the age of 6 to the age of 29, I know, a long time, but I couldn't tell anyone, I was/still am, so scared, ashamed and guilty, im 33 now, I just feel so alone, I've got no family I can turn to, no close friends that i can rely on. Hope I can find support in AS, thanks.

Hi Sian33, Welcome to AS. I am sorry for the abuse that you  suffered. You have found a safe place here and you are not alone. You will find support here. It took me many years before I  realized I did nothing wrong, it was not my fault. To get rid of the feelings shame and quilt.

[MeBeMary]

Hi Sian,

Welcome to AS. I am very sorry that you have been so traumatized and for so long. You never deserved to be hurt and guilt and shame belong to abusers. You are safe and you are supported here. You say that the trauma continued until you were 29...that means that you have somehow removed yourself from the abusive situation, and you deserve much credit for that. It is not easy when you have gone thru this the majority of your life, but you did it. Time, support, and your ability to keep fighting for you will help you move forward. It's not easy, but you took a step today, and I wish you the best as you take more steps down this healing journey.

Mary

 

[Sian33]

Hi Patriciag, thanks for replying, its overwelming that there is people out ther who can support you, and knowing im not alone any more, but I can't help but blame myself, he made me feel as if it was all my fault, and I always believed him, probably always will, I deserved it. Sorry, im just so angry right, now, I need to vent and get it all out, but I can't express my feelings. 

 

[Sian33]

Hi MeBeMary, thanks for your reply, yes it continued untill i was 29, i had no choice but to get away, it was me or i would have died that night, and I will never forget what he did to me, I can't go into it right now as its to traumatic to speak about it, I was tourchered, I was was burned with cigarettes, all I can say right now, im sorry 😢😢😢

[loveable]

Hi Sian,

I am new here too. I'm so sorry you had no where to turn for so long. It took a lot of courage and inner strength to get away from your abusive situation. That was a huge step. I was abused from infancy to 16 years by both family and "friends". I am 31 years old and joined to reach out to support victims of abuse and also to find support for myself. I am seeing a therapist but sometimes it can be hard to open up and ask questions, I have found that some of my questions have been answered just by browsing in the forums. I think it helps knowing that there are people out there who can relate and that we don't suffer the affects of the abuse alone. I wish you peace of mind and healing for your heart.

Larissa

[Sian33]

Hi unloveable, sorry to hear what you have been through, glad you are seeing a therapist, yes I understand that it can be hard to talk about things, I can't explain about that, because I've not recieved any help, im not seeing a therapist or anyone, because I'm scared of reliving it, I have tried before with a therapist, but she wasn't to my standard, where she would just sit their and waiting for me to talk, but for the whole hour it was silent, she didn't encourage me to talk or anything,  at that time all I wanted, as for someone to care, and believe me, but it never came, that's why I'm scared to tell anyone and open up, hope you get the help and support that you really need.

Sian ((((((hugs)))))) if ok 

[loveable]

Sian,

I am so sorry! My heart goes out to you. Not only have you endured horrific pain for a lifetime, but then your therapist who's job is to make you feel comfortable failed at her job. I can understand why it would be hard to open up. You can talk when you reach a point when you feel safe and are ready, don't ever let anyone force you to talk. My acupuncturist told my family who were supportive and took me in that it would be risky for me to see a therapist because of the extent of what I had been through. I miss her very much, she passed away around 5 years ago. She was a very smart lady who specialized in childhood sexual abuse and even treated kings and queens! She was from England and a graduate of Oxford University. The healing process is a long journey and so after I lost her, I had to find someone else who could help and it's not easy to find a new Doctor as it means repeating your story.

Of course I'm ok with safe (((((hugs))))). Thanks I needed that  *safe hugs back*

[Struggling88]

Hi, Sian33, and welcome!  I'm sorry for what happened to you to bring you here, but I'm glad you're here. 

[phoenixxx]

Dear Sian33,

Welcome to AS. I am so sorry for what happened to you. I hope that you find support and comfort here.  

[Sian33]

Hi unloveable, yes it is very hard to find the right therapist, and finding one that you feel comfortable with and you are able to open up to, it is very difficult, not feeling ok today, just want to stay in bed and not do anything, I don't really know what to say at the moment, my mind had gone blank 😢

[Sian33]

Hi struggling88, thank you.

[Sian33]

Hi pheonixxx,  thank you, since I've joined AS, I found a lot of caring and supportive people in this group and I never thought I would ever find one just as caring as you all are, it really means a lot, knowing I can talk about what happened.

[Tannyluck]

Hi and welcome to AS! I hope you find our community supportive/informative. I wish you well on your healing journey!

[EmergingLight]

Welcome Sian. This is a very supportive place.

[HiddenHeart]

Hello, Sian33. Welcome to AS. I'm glad you've found us here. Be gentle with yourself as you work through this process of healing.