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Loli

Hi There

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It´s difficult for me to post here, because in a way, it implies admitting what happened to me.

It´s something that happened 20 years ago. He was my boyfriend at the time. Besides, there were some other episodes as a child.

All these years, even though I always knew it happened, I felt numb about it. I acted like it never happened. But a couple of months ago, after a therapy session, I started realizing it all. And now I can´t stop crying every time something reminds me of it.

I try to avoid thinking about it, but I know it´s not good for me to continue hiding it. I have started telling some very close friends (just the idea that something bad happened, not the details), but it´s very difficult for me to disclose something that I kept to myself for so long. I can´t even say the word out loud to name what happened. I have mixed feelings, and I judge myself for crying so much for something that happened so long ago.

I hope this site can help me understand what is happening to me. I feel confused and ashamed of feeling how I feel.


PS: I have read the guidelines regarding Triggering Warnings, but I´m not sure if I understood everything correctly, given that English is not my first language. Please let me know if something that I wrote could be triggering in any way. If so, I sincerely apologize.

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Hi Loli.

Welcome to AS. I am very sorry for the trauma you have suffered, but you have found a very supportive site with many kind and understanding members. I can relate so much with what you have said. What happened to me happened over 30 years ago and until last year, I never faced anything about it. Sometimes our mind thinks that pretending and denying is actually helpful, but what happened, does not go away. You are not alone.

Please believe me when I say you have nothing to be ashamed of. The ex and the other person/people who have hurt you are solely to blame. You did nothing wrong. Nobody deserves to be hurt like that, nobody.

You have taken some big steps. Telling close friends and reaching out here, that takes a lot courage. I hope you eventually believe that.

Trigger warnings are posted at the top of a post to warn other member that there may be something disturbing in the details that not every member may be able to deal with. I see nothing in your post that would require one. As you look around the site, you will get a better idea about it.

I wish you well on your healing journey.

Mary

:notalone:

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Hi Loli. I am sorry for what has happened to you. My situation is similar to yours and I can tell you that you are not alone. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Like Mary said the people that hurt you are the only ones that are at fault. I hope you find comfort and healing here at AS.

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MeBeMary and Missalee: Thank you very much for your kind support and feedback. I do appreciate you sharing that you related with what I wrote; it helped me feel that I´m not the only one.

Sincerely,

Loli.

Edited by Loli

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:butterfly:Hello and welcome to AS its a very good site and everyone is so supportive on here :agree2:

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Anytime Loli! You can PM me if you ever need to talk.

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Hi Loli,

I'm glad that you decided to become a member at AS; I know it must have been extremely hard for you to come here after all of this time.

I hope you find the support you are looking for.

We are all here to listen and help you in your healing process.

If you ever need to talk you can always message me.

:butterfly: Terra

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It´s difficult for me to post here, because in a way, it implies admitting what happened to me.

It´s something that happened 20 years ago. He was my boyfriend at the time. Besides, there were some other episodes as a child.

All these years, even though I always knew it happened, I felt numb about it. I acted like it never happened. But a couple of months ago, after a therapy session, I started realizing it all. And now I can´t stop crying every time something reminds me of it.

I try to avoid thinking about it, but I know it´s not good for me to continue hiding it. I have started telling some very close friends (just the idea that something bad happened, not the details), but it´s very difficult for me to disclose something that I kept to myself for so long. I can´t even say the word out loud to name what happened. I have mixed feelings, and I judge myself for crying so much for something that happened so long ago.

I hope this site can help me understand what is happening to me. I feel confused and ashamed of feeling how I feel.

PS: I have read the guidelines regarding Triggering Warnings, but I´m not sure if I understood everything correctly, given that English is not my first language. Please let me know if something that I wrote could be triggering in any way. If so, I sincerely apologize.

Hello Loli. Welcome to AS! It is my wish that you find this site as helpful and healing as I have in my healing journey.

I am part of the NST (Newbie Support Team). What that means is that I (or any of the mods/admins/NST) can help/direct you as you learn how to use the forums. Should you have questions, feel free to send a PM to any one of the AS staff.

You've taken a huge step in reaching out. This is a big step in healing from abuse of any kind. Take all the time you need in sharing.

Know that you are not alone. I too survived relationship violence of epic proportions and also child abuse. You'll find lots of support here.

Am listening and validating you and your experiences.

Here is a link to the board guidelines and rules:

http://www.aftersilence.org/forum/index.php?showtopic=194#entry685

Here is a link regarding some privacy/safety issues that are helpful:

http://www.aftersilence.org/forum/index.php?showtopic=27269#entry218846

Sending healing energy your way.

~Chantel~ :flowers:

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Nix21, TerraMarkov and Chant2012: Thank you all for your kind responses. Even though I can´t stop crying right now, I believe in my heart that this will help me to heal.

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