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Cld

Hello, New To This. Need To Tell Someone

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Hi everyone, I have just joined here and I am hoping just being able to talk about things will help. I tried a rape counsellor and found myself talking about everything other than what I wanted / needed to talk about. Didn't know what else to do so I have just been trying to get on with my life and it feel like I am living a lie, just getting along with the everyday things with a smile and falling apart when no one is looking. It will be a year to the day next Sunday and it feels like yesterday, it is in my thoughts several time each day I just wish it would go away and stop letting me just move on. I was sexually assaulted and ended up with deep internal vaginal tears, this took sometime to heal and was painful. My husband is aware of everything and has been supportive but I don't want him to feel any worse than he does. I just don't know what to do to get this behind me. Any help or advise is welcome. Thanks

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Hi, I'm sorry as I haven't got the right words to make you feel any better but I do know some of what your feeling, I didn't want to read and not leave a reply. Please stay strong.

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Hi Cld,

Welcome to AS. I am very sorry for the trauma you suffered. It wasn't fair and it wasn't right. I know it isn't easy to just let it go, but this site will be very supportive for you to try to work things out and have other members stand with you. You are lucky to have a supportive husband, but I understand that it's not quite the same. I don't think people we know can truly understand, if they have not gone thru it themselves. Considering that, I hope you realize what a big step it was for you to reach out to people who do understand. I do wish you well on your healing journey.

Mary

:youcanheal:

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Hi everyone, I have just joined here and I am hoping just being able to talk about things will help. I tried a rape counsellor and found myself talking about everything other than what I wanted / needed to talk about. Didn't know what else to do so I have just been trying to get on with my life and it feel like I am living a lie, just getting along with the everyday things with a smile and falling apart when no one is looking. It will be a year to the day next Sunday and it feels like yesterday, it is in my thoughts several time each day I just wish it would go away and stop letting me just move on. I was sexually assaulted and ended up with deep internal vaginal tears, this took sometime to heal and was painful. My husband is aware of everything and has been supportive but I don't want him to feel any worse than he does. I just don't know what to do to get this behind me. Any help or advise is welcome. Thanks

Hello Cld. Welcome to AS! It is my wish that you find this site as helpful and healing as I have in my healing journey.

I am part of the NST (Newbie Support Team). What that means is that I (or any of the mods/admins/NST) can help/direct you as you learn how to use the forums. Should you have questions, feel free to send a PM to any one of the AS staff.

You've taken a huge step in reaching out. This is a big step in healing from abuse of any kind. Take all the time you need in sharing.

Know that you are not alone. Im sorry to hear about the after-effects of the r*pe and the damage it caused. You're brave.

Am listening and validating you and your experiences.

Here is a link to the board guidelines and rules:

http://www.aftersilence.org/forum/index.php?showtopic=194#entry685

Here is a link regarding some privacy/safety issues that are helpful:

http://www.aftersilence.org/forum/index.php?showtopic=27269#entry218846

Sending healing energy your way.

~Chantel~ :flowers:

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Welcome. AS is a safe place and I hope it is able to help you. I find its helpful to talk to other survivors and i hope you feel the same. If you ever need to talk I'm here you can always PM me.

Again welcome and I look forward to seeing you around here:)

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Hi CLD

As someone who has been through it and married to someone who has alo, I can say you are taking a big step

Forward by talking in here. As good as T's are there are still things it takes time to open up about, if at all.

After a sexual assault you are changed. You experience guilt, that same guilt is what binds younger victims to a repeated abuser. Some use the orgasm guilt and that causes a lot of confusion and strife to the victim. Your body is conditioned to respond as it is meant to. Dark or negative fantasies also can surface which can lead to anxiety and shame. You seem to have a supportive husband but some things you are afraid he wont understand. This is all about trying to regain the sanctity and power you lost.

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