Making First Contact:

[Carn871]

Hi there,

Though I'd very much like to, I'm not going into details here. It's mostly out of concern for the other survivors, (triggers) but also I'm not all that confident in the words needed to share what happened to me.

I'm still not reconciled to the fact that it actually did happen and that I need to deal with it somehow. I'd like eventually to find an in-person support group, but online is all I'm comfortable with for now.

Getting beyond angry feels so so good lately. What I crave is justice to be done for what happened to me... though now it is an impossibility.

Suffice it to say I'm extremely messed up. This continues to be my reality even after a number of years have passed. I think a great number of the problems I experience today and things I struggle with have their root in what happened.

I can't go it alone anymore. I hate admitting I need help because the cry for help makes me feel powerless. I wish I could say I'm a survivor, but I'm definitely not even remotely close to giving myself that label.

So... that's a cursory glance at the nutshell that is me. It also explains why I probably need to be here. If you wanna say hi or something that's cool. It might just make my day.

-Carn871

[euca]

Hi Carn. I'm sorry you have need to reach out here. I felt pretty similar to the way you describe and online was a good solution for me to begin to address things. I hope AS can be a good support for you.

We encourage people to not share to much in the welcome forum. Take your time and look around a while and when you are ready there are better places to post your story. It can be a lot to take in so be gentle with yourself.

I liked your title being a huge star trek fan myself. Warm welcomes.

[Carn871]

Hey euca ,

Thanks for the advice for how to proceed and about taking my time... that was very seriously helpful

Now that you point it out, it seems I did make a star trek reference there, haha. I guess I'm a bit nerdy huh.

[Donnna]

I would like to tell my stories. I am trying to go to a woman's group well maybe next week ill make it. I'm afraid to go alone. Day or night. I'm so afraid of any male, age means nothing cops in uniforms still terrified I can not help my reaction.

[Carn871]

Hi Donnna,

Sorry to hear that that trigger is so widespread. Mine are a little more subtle than that so it's harder for me to relate exactly, but I do understand and hope you can get help here online and with that women's group.

TW

I am male, so I don't really know what would help. Just keep in mind that gender doesn't automatically make anyone do anything or dictate their actions.

Edited October 23, 2015 by Carn871

[jus95]

Welcome to AS, carn . I hope you find the support that you need. Its a pretty great group. Let me know if you need anything.

-jus

[reglois]

if OK

[louiseroi]

Welcome, its a big step but AS is very supportive. If you put the letters TW (trigger warning) in front of any post you are concerned might trigger others then they can avoid it.

I really love that AS is anonymous I can share things I never would normally and the feedback I get is really helpful and validating.It helps to overcome the shame knowing others have experienced similar things.

Its a process not a one stop shop has been the hardest thing for me to accept.Currently seeing a T who does CBTand on a break from r*** crisis counselling.

I just wanted to try CBT to get a handle on my emotions and feeling paralysed and overwhelmed at times.

[Carn871]

Welcome to AS, carn . I hope you find the support that you need. Its a pretty great group. Let me know if you need anything.

-jus

Hi jus! Thanks for being there

if OK

Hi reglois! hug is OK

Welcome, its a big step but AS is very supportive. If you put the letters TW (trigger warning) in front of any post you are concerned might trigger others then they can avoid it.

I really love that AS is anonymous I can share things I never would normally and the feedback I get is really helpful and validating.It helps to overcome the shame knowing others have experienced similar things.

Its a process not a one stop shop has been the hardest thing for me to accept.Currently seeing a T who does CBTand on a break from r*** crisis counselling.

I just wanted to try CBT to get a handle on my emotions and feeling paralysed and overwhelmed at times.

hi louiseroi! It's good to hear how supportive AS is. And thanks for the advice about TW. The anon component of AS is a big reason why I joined in the first place too. I am also impatient about it being a process instead of a one stop shop like you say so it's nice to hear I'm not alone on that. I can definitely relate to feeling overwhelmed and paralyzed, but it's hard for me to recognize at the time because I usually shut down emotionally. Anyway, I wish you all the best and support with the CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy?) if ok.

[louiseroi]

thanks

[Jasmin15]

Hi carn and welcome.

[Carn871]

Hi Jasmin

[jus95]

You've already beet me... I have yet to figure out how to quote people

[Carn871]

It's the third button on the bottom right corner of everyone's post where it says:

• Report MultiQuote Quote

I grew up on message boards so I'm not a complete noob after all

[MeBeMary]

Hi Carn,

Welcome to AS. I am very sorry for the trauma that you have suffered, but as you already see, this is a very supportive site. What you say and when you say it, is your choice. There is no judgment or pressure here. Myself, I've been here 10 months and have only let out small bits of my story. So just do what is comfortable for you. I wish you well on your healing journey.

Mary

[Wanting2Heal]

Hello Carn871,

I'm sorry for the trauma that you experienced. Welcome to AS.

[ActivistAlly]

Welcome to AS.