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The Inner Child Thread

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:cry: @ daydreamer..im sorry

:hug:

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Well today - its like eating fairy floss and playing in the park. I have not been this happy in AGES..........

I think we are going to celebrate tommorrow!!!!!!!!!Perhaps a nice lunch and a toast!!!

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For the first time ever I connected with my innerchild yesterday. I was looking at this photo of a little girl I have never recognised and suddenly decided to stop ignoring her screams in my head and begin to support her. After that bizarre momont i felt so happy , relieved and for a few hours almost euphoric. It was amazing. last night instead of having a nightmare I had a beautiful dream. My mum was holding me when i was about 2 yrs old and i was crying so i walked over to her and took the child. I stopped her crying she looked at me and i told her everything was going to be ok im here now. Today i feel so happy - I no it was only a dream but I feel so more relaxed almost sedated.

Thanks for the opportunity to share,

Take care everyone

Katie :hug::hug:

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I think mine got shoved into a drak corner long ago

Edited by kcshare1

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My Inner child is feeling somewhat alone today...

The adult woman in me is feeling fat which is adding the feelings of loneliness even though common sense tells me I have no reason to feel lonely...

We're in this together little one....

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Twiggy is my inner child - but she's pretty grown up for her age, 12.

Twiggy & I have been working together for a few weeks, pretty much most of the time (don't ask how productive I've been at work! LOL)

I feel as though we're merging; integrating; as if she's growing inside me to fill up the spaces that were always lacking "something". She's glad I started paying attention to her, listening to what she had to tell me, though it was hard for both of us. Twiggy got put into Pandora's Box - along with memories of what happened to her, so that I could start rebuilding my life way back when. When I let her out - WOW... couldn't shut her up! I wasn't even sure I believed her - in fact was told that I wouldn't remember things "right". But I DID believe her. She remembered enough that I couldn't dispute it. She engraved snaphots of visual, physical and emotional memory on my brain and trotted out her evidence like an experienced trial lawyer!

Twiggy tried tai chi one night at class and made me stumble through some beginning moves. That made her laugh. I tried to get her to just watch, but NOOOOOO....at least she's good at kick drills. And she almost got me in trouble at work, by getting pissed at the boss in an email. Fortunately, everybody involved but him, understands. Twiggy likes some of the things I do. We worked on a web site yesterday and that was fun. We've been wrapping presents for Christmas and she likes that too. I tried to find some western outfitter web sites for her, but the one I was looking for went out of business in '95.

Twiggy gets angry and then afraid, sometimes. It's usually when someone's being pushy & rude - overrunning us or abusing their power over us. She's hard to handle then - she jumps out, getting away from me. And she's/I've got this phobia that triggered some more memories this morning. I always thank her for sharing information and comfort her when she's scared or sad...she's been sad a lot lately. Maybe the phobia will lessen, now that I know WHY she's afraid - or at least, I'll be able to work through it, with her help.

Twiggy is very much me, these days - not nearly so separate. She wanted to grow up and do & feel adult things. I need her very much - she is my creative inspiration and my artwork has been blocked for a long time. We need time to play and finish the work on the easel... And I am helping Twiggy feel better about what happened to her. Explaining it wasn't her fault, it's good she lived to tell the tale, that she's not really bad because she's angry about what happened. I'd be angry too!

This work is still a new "work in progress".

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Someday I might aceept her and I might even like her. But right now I hate her and I wish she would just go away and leave me alone. All she does is whine and cry. I hate her.

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Twiggy's not very active - or at least not out loud, right now. She seems stuck in the grey flatland of depression. Doesn't want to play. Doesn't feel much of anything. Bored, too. But not looking for anything to do; anything fun. She doesn't like my work, much.

She'd much rather be in the basement re-arranging for a new studio space - a place to play. She won't get much chance to do that this weekend, so she'll be whiny, too. At least she's not raging against the world, these days.

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You said you would make it stop

You said it would not hurt any more

You said trust me

I don’t want to trust you any more

Youre not a good mom.

Why did you let her in

That was stupid

Now what we gonna do

I wish I never told her my secrets

Now I don’t have anyone to hold them any longer and they will get too big inside me and hurt me again

I don’t want to go away

I like being here

I like having someone to talk to and tell me it’s gonna be alright

Please don’t make me go away again

Maybe if we’re really good she wont go away and we can stay and talk to her some more

Maybe she will like us again and she can make the hurt go away

Maybe

I want ice cream and chocolate brownie

That’ll make the owies go away

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I hope mine likes what I have added for her to play with :-)

That swing set is getting improved upon. Lets hope others don't mess it up for her!

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i think ive only really found my inner child since i had my daughter

my inner child is a really big child she likes to jump on her bed to loud music she loves to laugh n play stuipd games just coz she can my inner child has no worries other then were is the nextbolw of choc ice cream is coming from

i just need to find more excuses have fun with my inner child

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Drowning - yep, me too. I've come to the conclusion that if I stop denying Twiggy's pain, abandonment, and help her heal - she'll cheer up some, start growing up, and we can get on with things. Doesn't change the fact of what happened, tho. That'll always be around...

but together, Twiggy & I can learn to move on to other things besides anger, shame, pain, sadness & the constant cycle we've been stuck in. She's got advice for me, too and ain't shy about sharing it.

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Hey - Twiggy - Listen UP...

You've been in a really crappy place for a really, really long time. You don't want to do anything fun and you make me feel guilty when I DO. I'm sorry you're feeling all sad & abandoned & alone...but ya know, it's been 37 years now. If you want to stop feeling that way (you do, don't you???) then you're gonna have to trust ME and trust the T and start HAVING your feelings; the one's you had to leave back in '69.

I know no one told you then - but hanging on to feeling bad, stuffing it in a box, only makes you feel bad, LONGER. Hair shirts & all that crap won't make it any different; won't make you feel any better. You ARE different since it happened. So why not just let go of the feelings in session? Let the T give you the comfort you've needed for such a long, long, long sad time? The comfort you didn't get then? Since what I've done so far, doesn't exactly cut it, for you.

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My partner told me about Inner Child Therapy the other day, and I thought it was a load of psychobabble cr*p. However, my avatar looks exactly like my 'first day of school' portrait at age 4. So I think she's in there somewhere. I'm not ready for her yet though. I despise her for being so weak. She went back for more, dammit! Just cos she had a new baby sister who took up all of mum's time, and he said she was special... what a needy little b*tch...

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You are my sunshine.

I love yous so very very much.

Kate

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it is ok there r people who care some may take advantage and hurt u but most r fine

it is hard to trust

((((hugs))))

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OK Twiggy - I'll do more art. Just don't come to work with me - I can't control the negativity around here and I know it upsets you. Thanks for reminding me about doing the work I planned, so my studio idea isn't a complete joke.

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Twiggy:

It's not your fault. You aren't bad. You had to survive. What your Mom did was wrong.

I'm so sorry that she never comforted you, couldn't understand the feelings you had after being attacked. I'm so sorry that she was so self-involved - that only HER feelings mattered and she expected you to comfort her, recover in an instant, and take over all the housework. You did exactly the right thing to survive, kiddo.

Yeah, it was like the last straw: lose your Dad, because of the divorce; lose all your friends by moving; lose your aunt to heart disease, lose your brother to his finding you after the attack, thinking you were dead - lots of personal loss from the attack, too, huh? Then, to lose your Mom, because she wasn't strong enough to hold it together and expect you to care for her.....SH-T, girl, it's just totally amazing that you DID survive, you DID have a reasonably normal life, you WERE a good mom, yourself.

She's still not a very good mom, is she? Never asks how you are - just what have you been doing. Expects you to listen to the same litany of whiny gripes that she calls with once a week, with only minor variations. You haven't had a mom since 1969; you were right when you called yourself an orphan with living parents. You were right to make every effort to find the solitude you needed to heal; to find a life for yourself outside of that poor excuse for a family.

No matter what she says: you were RIGHT then, and you don't have to continue feeling like you need to take care of her. What has she done for you lately? Send you a bunch of HER stuff that she expects you to value as much as she does?????? Jeez, how pathetic.

Look, it really hurts, I know that. But you need to finish the job of walking away. Of being guilted into allowing her to take advantage of you; of walking all over you - so she can feel better. She abandoned you. Maybe not intentionally - but she never, ever came back. It's too late to have her for a Mom. She still doesn't get it - and she's 70+.

You were right, kiddo. I know that. Now can we go play?

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my inner child died 31 years ago and as far as I know the only person that raised from the dead was Jesus.

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(((hugs)))) for heathbar

I would like to say - I am glad we are not alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YIPEEEEEEEEEE

Thank God for this gift in life.

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my inner child wont stop crying, her heart is breaking, she is slowly realising that her mommy wont ever be coming back. i want to make me smile..i want to tell her i'll be her mommy now..i'll look after her...but she wont listen..

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It's safe. That's all. We're safe now. It's ok. We're safe, we're safe, we're safe.

Ash

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