tealight rookie

The Inner Child Thread

459 posts in this topic

Little Mel is scared still. she doesn't want to come out. she says. no out. stay HERE. i don't know how to show her she's safe. she's ok because i don't feel safe or ok right now.

mel

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I would like to tell my inner child to stop being such a baby, she doesn't really need to feel, we managed okay before.

Really i want her to go away :cry:

Dawn

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hugs for dawn: :hug: and dawn's inner child: :hug:

Rainbow's inner child: Gavin hurt my feelings again. Why are you friends with him? He's a bigger baby than I am! He made me cry and you didn't tell him off, you made me shut up. He's just like Daddy. And so are you! :cry:

Edited by rainbowstar

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My inner child wants her mommy today. I'm feeling a little lost. My mom could never be there for her the way she needs and I can't seem to give her what she needs yet either, it seems like today all she wants to do is hide her head and cry.

I'm so tired of getting triggered and feeling all alone and having my feelings stomped on by people who "love" me, and the little girl in me wants her mommy to protect her.

Edited by August

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Hey little one,

Well i haven't come to talk to you for a long time, not here, not in my diary not anywhere. If im honest i have hated you, hated you for making me feel all those feelings.

You hate me too, i know that and im so sorry, i wish that i could nurture you because i know that you need nurturing, you need looking after. when i need comforting i think about talking to mum and if im very brave i may ask her for a cuddle. I guess you don't have that option because i won't listen to you i silence you all the time.

The whole inner child concept was one i hated to believe as even existing, but i know your there, and your very vulnerable.

You remind me of who i was, your stuck in a time warp somewhere and your hurting, but at the same time it feels safe to leave you where you are.

It feel scary to feel those emotions that we have both locked deep within us, i feel ill loose control and cry, and i don't 'do' crying.

i no longer hate you, i have no right to hate you at all. Its not your fault your hurting, but equally its not my fault either....or is it?

Dawn

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I'm still trying to understand how to let my inner child talk, so please bare with me as this may go from third to first person......

she was really happy today, thinking about the early birthday party coming up, celebrating Yule.....then she realised what day it would soon be...December 23rd.....11years to the day that Dad passed away.

I know now that I never really grieved for him when he passed away. I didn't understand everything that was going on around me, I was 9 or 10...how I was I to understand....

The little girl inside me wants her daddy back....she wants him to hug her and hold her and tell her that everything will be ok.....She wants him back because if he was here, maybe....maybe none of this would ever have happened....

I'm sorry....I doubt any of this made sense.....

~Catherine

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(((Catherine)))

Karen

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My inner child needs a nap. ZZZzzZzZzZzzzz *snore* she's so sleepy. :hug:

Edited by Haullie

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Little Mel is wondering why i'm not excited about xmas. she is going nuts inside me, and wants to go for a bike ride tonight to look at xmas lights (she loves it when we ride, she giggles alot esp.when i go really fast) she keeps saying "lights, pwetty, can we go see"? and is getting really really impatient. (it's so annoying) she's also been teasing my poor dog alot, and she thinks it's funny. she put reindeer ears on him last night, and poor Lucky, he was just sitting there looking at me as if to say "ok, seriously, what's the big idea"? i got her some new colouring books and pens for xmas and she can't wait to use them (going to let her open one thing tonight)

she also likes it when we bake xmas cookies. she keeps saying "mmm smell good!!"

she reminds me of the innocence i lost. the simple things in life like cookies and bike rides and coloring. I love her, and it's taken me a long long time to be able to say that

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TODAY MY HEART IS IN A MILLION PIECES!!!!I CAN'T SEE WHERE TO GO OR WHAT TO DO!!!

SO I WOULD ASK MY INTERCHILD TO HOLD ME FOR AWHILE CAUSES RIGHT NOW SHE'S STRONGER AND I'M TO WEAK TO FIGHT.I WANT HER TO KNOW THAT I LOVE HER AND THOUGH I MAKE MISTAKES SHE IS ALWAYS WELCOME IN MY HEART!!!THAT B/C OF HER I'M HERE.WHEN I JUST CAN'T TAKE THE WORLD I CAN GO INSIDE AND SHE BRINGS ME COMFORT.THAT SHE IS AMAZING AND BEAUTIFUL!IWANT TO TELL HER THANK YOU FOR HOLDING ALL THE PIECES AND LOVING TO JIGSAW THEM BACK TOGETHER.

SARAH

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What a great thread Ruthie.

My inner child often escapes into hiding for fear that i won't listen to her ~ more often that not she is right, i don't want to listen to her, don't want to acknowledge that she is hurting so sometimes she just gives up trying to be heard. You see i push her down to an insignificant corner and try to leave her there.

but she is strong willed, in fact were both strong willed (my inner child and I) and i think that's why we fight a battle, she wants to be heared yet i don't want to listen to her.

so right now my inner child is quietly stirring, churning up all those emotions in me that i long to not feel, i am aware of her, but secretly i am scared of her.

my inner child is silenced by my ignorance and fear - sorry inner child :cry:

Dawn

:wub:

wow wow wow...what a great way to put that...i have a really hard time explaining the way i feel because ive tried so stinking hard not to think about it all my life but i seem to be at a point where im not moving on till this is being take care of...i have some great couple of great friends that im learning to hate...lol...for pulling things out of me

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hmmmm im not sure if really do talk to my inner child...i try to stuff her away cus i know shes very mad with me...in fact i know i DONT talk to her...but i do look at her...i know thats crazy but i have flashbacks often and they mix in with some real time thoughts now...i suppose ive learned a lil how to manipulate them...she stares at me...i know this sounds so crazy...even to me...i try to appologize with my eyes but shes really mad and unforginving

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I am so glad you wrote that, Whispers. Because that is what I see as well. I see her looking right at me. Some times its like looking at a photo of her in my mind. I am about 7. I also 'feel' in my mind that she is just behind my right shoulder. But she never says anything or maybe I do not know how to listen to her. I come back to this thread very often. Trying to understand this more. But it is very hard.

Karen

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WOW WOW!!!...some of the stuff you girls say is so amazing...it reads like lil puzzle pieces of myself...i keep hearing about ppl hating their inner child but infact i dont hate mine...SHE HATES ME...i cant talk to her..ive never been able too...but i see her and she sees me...she always stares directly at me and i look her in the eye wondering when she will stop hating me...she never has...i dont see as she ever will

about thinking about my inner child at different ages i dont...generally my child is always 3-4-5 im not really sure she could even be 6...i think about me at different ages and how she has torrmented me through it all...ive always wanted to help her...i really have but...the look of pure HATE when she looks at me seems to parallyze me and take all my words and at times my very breath

i know the house where the worst abuse happend...((is it sick that i do that? rate the offenses and store them to memory in an order?))...well anyway...as an adult i ended up working down the block from that house...i drove past it often even though i could go another way...on rare occasion id even park out front across the street and study it...its position, how i got in there, and its relation to my old house 2 doors down...sitting in my car id remember in detail things that happend and imagine me (at that point in my life) seeing who i was as a lil girl in that garage

idk...maybe now that i think about it...i purposfully leave her in that garrage...do you think shes stuck there?...lol...i feel like a raging phsyco thinking this way...enough crazyness for now :blink:

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I am so glad you wrote that, Whispers. Because that is what I see as well. I see her looking right at me. Some times its like looking at a photo of her in my mind. I am about 7. I also 'feel' in my mind that she is just behind my right shoulder. But she never says anything or maybe I do not know how to listen to her. I come back to this thread very often. Trying to understand this more. But it is very hard.

Karen

like i wrote in the next post...i think my lil girl is stuck in a garage...i think i might acctually be the one keeping her there but i dont seem to be able to approach her...how do i tell her im sorry?...i hope i figure it out soon...some times i think something magical will happen...like in a split second ill have some sort of revelation and this thing will just be over and forgotten and then i can start life :hmm:

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TODAY MY HEART IS IN A MILLION PIECES!!!!I CAN'T SEE WHERE TO GO OR WHAT TO DO!!!

SO I WOULD ASK MY INTERCHILD TO HOLD ME FOR AWHILE CAUSES RIGHT NOW SHE'S STRONGER AND I'M TO WEAK TO FIGHT.I WANT HER TO KNOW THAT I LOVE HER AND THOUGH I MAKE MISTAKES SHE IS ALWAYS WELCOME IN MY HEART!!!THAT B/C OF HER I'M HERE.WHEN I JUST CAN'T TAKE THE WORLD I CAN GO INSIDE AND SHE BRINGS ME COMFORT.THAT SHE IS AMAZING AND BEAUTIFUL!IWANT TO TELL HER THANK YOU FOR HOLDING ALL THE PIECES AND LOVING TO JIGSAW THEM BACK TOGETHER.

SARAH

:hug: hugs for Sarah and her inner child :hug:

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WOW WOW!!!...some of the stuff you girls say is so amazing...it reads like lil puzzle pieces of myself...i keep hearing about ppl hating their inner child but infact i dont hate mine...SHE HATES ME...i cant talk to her..ive never been able too...but i see her and she sees me...she always stares directly at me and i look her in the eye wondering when she will stop hating me...she never has...i dont see as she ever will

about thinking about my inner child at different ages i dont...generally my child is always 3-4-5 im not really sure she could even be 6...i think about me at different ages and how she has torrmented me through it all...ive always wanted to help her...i really have but...the look of pure HATE when she looks at me seems to parallyze me and take all my words and at times my very breath

i know the house where the worst abuse happend...((is it sick that i do that? rate the offenses and store them to memory in an order?))...well anyway...as an adult i ended up working down the block from that house...i drove past it often even though i could go another way...on rare occasion id even park out front across the street and study it...its position, how i got in there, and its relation to my old house 2 doors down...sitting in my car id remember in detail things that happend and imagine me (at that point in my life) seeing who i was as a lil girl in that garage

idk...maybe now that i think about it...i purposfully leave her in that garrage...do you think shes stuck there?...lol...i feel like a raging phsyco thinking this way...enough crazyness for now :blink:

:hug: Miseryonlywhispers :hug:

I think sometimes that just even thinking about our inner child makes us all feel a little mad LOL, i guess its because its a concept that can't really be proven that it exists (if that makes sense) it at times seems alien to us to even be considering ourselves as children effectively locked in time. and also in most cases our inner child(ren) are hurting and to ackonwledge that can hurt us as we are now.

I also rate offenses in my mind, i have a scale where i place them in places ie the worst, not so bad, and hardly worth remembering. i am not sure why i do that, accept for it makes me feel like i have some order and control over it all.

If you want to let your little girl out of the garage you have the power in you to do that, but do it when your ready.

My little girl is still locked in that darkened room i placed her in years ago, every now and then i let her out, give her a climpse of light but then i shut her away again, because pure and simply she reminds me of what i lost.

hmmmm, im not making much sense lOL..... gonna go, but take care

Dawn :wub:

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The thing I remember most of all from my childhood is hiding. I had 7 really good hiding places in the street where I lived. All of them very hard to get into and out of but all of them withing hearing distance of my abuser. If he called I had to get to him by the time he counted a hundred. So as hiding places go they were pretty useless!! They didn't hide me as much as contain me until I was called.

I think as a child I was pretty stupid. The effort and pain it took to get into some of these places shows how stupid she must have been if they were of no protection.

Karen

i was an under the bed and in the closet girl myself...under the bed never worked so well but the closet did ok...i would sit on the floor of the closet and cover myself in what ever was down there (and that was always plenty of junk) ...when id hear ppl looking for me id just stop breathing...when they didnt find me theyd leave...i always smiled to myself when this happened..hehe...i knew i fell asleep there plenty of times so im sure it would be hours till id resurface at times...but nobody ever continued the search...God i remember getting busted for going to the bathroom in the closet sometimes...the retarded thing is that now that im a lil obbcessed with this stuff i know of hundreds of signs they could have seen yet they arent sorry for what happend because they claim there were no signs...i dont care about what they think anymore anyway...ive written them off pretty much...though there at this moment is a package on the dinning table from mom...for christmas im sure...im afraid to open it so it remains untouched...id just toss it in the trash with never knowing whats inside so i can pretend it never even came but i have kids who know its there and they will demand their gifts from the grandparents they dont even know...KIDS! gotta lovem

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Today, i wanna give you a name: Saltitos.

I guess that if we are gonna be together forever, then we might as well call each other by our names.

That's it for now. maybe i'll talk to you later.

I know i've told this story before, but i'll tell it again. When i was little, my dad used to call me Saltitos (little jumps, in spanish). He gave me that nickname, because i was always dancing around from one place to the other. I'd like to have that connection to my body and soul again.

:hug:

Daniela.

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little mel is playing with xmas toys today. she is colouring and drawing big hearts with lots of bright yellow sun and blue sky. she doesn't speak much these days, but tends to draw and is starting to write stuff. we're going walking soon, i hope she can show me some pretty flowers and stuff.

earlier this thread, we had a request for a "creche" for our inner children

well, i was thinking of creating a "who wants to play"? thread, where they can all get together and play for a while. would that be cool? it's not really a creche, but it's somewhere we can all let them out and let them play, and we get to meet them too

Edited by MelissaBlue

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I am so amazed that so many of you have this inner-child thing.

My therapist says I do, and I understand the theories behind accepting all of this, but I can't imagine having this be .... what...realistic?

At what point did you decide you had an inner child? Or figured it out?

How has this helped you?

Why?

I guess I want to 'have' one, at least for my therapy so I could make some sort of progress.

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:hug: Aks :hug:

I can't say that i'm very much in touch with mine, because the thought of her is sometimes so overhwelming, that i just simply shut down. However, i've gotten to a point where i can't deny that she exists anymore. The first time i "made contact" was in therapy, i kept telling my t that i just didn't get this whole inner child thing. So we did the empty chair exercise. My t got up from her chair, made me close my eyes and started asking me to imagine myself when i was little. For some reason, this image of myself on my 7th birthday came up. She asked me to describe everything about how i looked then. Then she asked me to talk to that little girl, and tell her the things that nobody has ever told me, like i was not to blame for what happend; and i pretty much lost it. I could see for the first time how little i was, and still am in many ways. That helped me forgive myself in many ways, because when you see that little girl "from the outside," you can't blame her anymore. You wouldn't do that to a 7 year old in the street, would you?

I think i haven't been that much in touch with her since then, because it can get so overwhelming. But i know she's there, and now i've decided to give her a name. I'm not sure where our relationship is going, but i know this is a step in the right direction. The important thing is to give ourselves time, and when we are ready, we'll know it.

Hope this helped...although i don't know that i made any sense :blush:

you can pm me if you'd like to talk more about this, i don't wanna hijack Ruthiegirl's thread.

:hug:

Daniela.

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earlier this thread, we had a request for a "creche" for our inner children

well, i was thinking of creating a "who wants to play"? thread, where they can all get together and play for a while. would that be cool? it's not really a creche, but it's somewhere we can all let them out and let them play, and we get to meet them too

I LOVE that idea melissa

:hug::hug:

Dawn x

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I am so amazed that so many of you have this inner-child thing.

My therapist says I do, and I understand the theories behind accepting all of this, but I can't imagine having this be .... what...realistic?

At what point did you decide you had an inner child? Or figured it out?

How has this helped you?

Why?

I guess I want to 'have' one, at least for my therapy so I could make some sort of progress.

Hi Aks,

i guess Daniella explained it pretty well.

My counsellor was the one that mentioned the inner child to me, and i was also sceptical about the whole idea.

Like most here, i have kind of connected with my inner child, but i don't really like her much. I even brought a workbook to work through that is meant to help you connect with the inner child (believe me some of the excercises in it are mad!) and i guess if you were open minded and accepting then they would help you connect with your inner child. however i was neither open minded nor accepting of my inner child at that time so the book was limited use to me,...... maybe i will go back to it one day.

having an inner child i guess kind of helps us to understand our feelings a little more, makes us aware of maybe why we feel so vulnerable/sad etc.

take care

Dawn :hug::hug:

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