tealight rookie

The Inner Child Thread

462 posts in this topic

I am usually not nice to myself, I am pretty hard on myself. I have an Inner child I know she is there, she's about 6. I just don't want to reconize, or acknowledge her. Maybe I am not at that point yet. For some reason I can't get in touch with her.

But I have found this thread to be intresting. I hope I didn't offend anyone with my last post, if I did sorry.

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Dear little one (my new name for my inner child) We have had a hectic couple of days haven't we? I am feeling very very lost in my new job, which is really stupid because i know how to do the job with my eyes closed. but there are so many new faces (both staff and children) and that's what i struggle with ~ the social side of the job.

It's funny how i relate to little kids so very very well, but give me an adult and its like i have been thrown into a pit of despair, i wouldn't mind but the adults at the nursery are not that friendly, which makes me recoil into my shell again, making me look quiet and stupid... all the other staff know one another and then there's me out on a limb.... however i must perservere at it because mum will go mad if i leave :P

I don't really like the way the nursery does lots of things, but for now i need to bite my tongue because im not in a position to say anything or make changes... that i also find hard. I really feel lonely in my job, and could just sit and cry :cry:

anyway little one, you don't need to be hearing me moan, i just wanna say that although im tired and stressed i haven't forgotten about you, and i don't want you to feel scared about the situation we find ourself in right now with regards to work, as there is nothing you can do about it.

Dawn

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At first i was scared of this thread because i wasn't quite sure i understood it. My childhood was very messy, my mum died when i was young and noone explained anything to me, i thought everyone didnt have a mum. So i guess i want to tell my inner child that just because someones not there it doesnt mean they dont love you. And although you might feel lonely right now people are looking out for you and they care.

Ive probably ended up doing this wrong so dont laugh!

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At first i was scared of this thread because i wasn't quite sure i understood it. My childhood was very messy, my mum died when i was young and noone explained anything to me, i thought everyone didnt have a mum. So i guess i want to tell my inner child that just because someones not there it doesnt mean they dont love you. And although you might feel lonely right now people are looking out for you and they care.

Ive probably ended up doing this wrong so dont laugh!

There is no 'wrong' way to do this :)

You're doing just fine. Just take it as it comes. She is in there, and she will guide you.

:hug: Ruthie

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I've felt the same way CJ has. I was never sure hwo to approach this thread.

Lately I've been having images in my mind from my childhood, I'm not sure what they are.... I wonder if maybe it is my inner child trying to speak. but I to scared of her. I seem to be scared of alot lately. It was always so hard for me after my father died. I was his little girl, and I still miss him so much. After he died I had to grow up so fast, I knew that things would never be the same. My mom starting complaining to me about all of her problems, the bills, money, family. I was 10!! what was I going to do about it all.

I can remember times I think she was trying to speak. The times when i was in high school and would want nothing more then to go home and play with my barbies. I still act so immature, I think its because I don't want her to speak. I'm always akward in social situations.

I'm sorry, I guess I didn't do this right. I'm not fully sure if i can let her talk or if i can talk to her, but saying all this did help.

If this is wrong I will delete it.....

~Catherine

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(((catherine))))) and ((((CJ))))))

I think like ruthie said there is no 'wrong' way of responding to this thread.... just post what yuo wnat when you want... its sometimes amazing to see what flows.

I know this thread for me has really helped my inner child and myself... i had previously done inner child work on my own, but not got very far in it, maybe because i pushed myself, maybe because i felt alone... using this thread means i don't feel quite so alone.

Thanks for this thread ruthie, its great to see how its 'developing'

Dawn

:wub:

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can she speak here, is that ok? i guess it's too late now. she already has. do you guys mind if i am little sometimes? i feel so scared, too scared to be *big* all the time. little mel needs to come out and play. she wants to all the time. she doesn't quite know when the right time is yet, and she has lots of questions. if i can create a sfe place for her to speak, then i guess it wil be ok. can u guys help me

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can she speak here, is that ok? i guess it's too late now. she already has. do you guys mind if i am little sometimes? i feel so scared, too scared to be *big* all the time. little mel needs to come out and play. she wants to all the time. she doesn't quite know when the right time is yet, and she has lots of questions. if i can create a sfe place for her to speak, then i guess it wil be ok. can u guys help me

Yes, of course she can :)

If you like, could you start by saying hello to her, and telling her that she is safe? We are here for both of you, but the person she probably most wants to hear from is you. :wub:

:hug: Ruthie

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Hugs for my little one :hug::hug::hug:

Edited by rainbowstar

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hi little Mel

we know you are very smart and have lots of questions and things you want to know. we also know you are scared to ask them, scared to come out and speak even though you want to, for fear i might keep you quiet. but remember when i let you speak with sharon? well we can do that more often here, it's very safe. there are lots of littles here who are just like you. you don't have to be brave all the time, you can be like a little girl, playful, messy, all those things you were taught were wrong.

it's not wrong. it's fine.

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weally? we gets to do dat? yayyyyy hapi hapi lil mel. we lubs Ebreywun heer!!!!

(oh man, now she's gonna be running around like a nutcase. good thing i got dance tonight)

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Is it ok to write very negative things in this thread?? I do not want to spoil it, but I can't write anything positive?

Karen

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mel. sounds like your little one is very happy to be heared here :dance:

and karen, yeah i think its fine to write negative stuff too, i may be joining you as me and my little one are feeling very negative right now too :cry: , but i will post about that in a moment :P

Take care everyone

Dawn (and little one) :wub:

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(((Karen)))

Of course! And you wouldn't be ruining anything. :) We are all only human, and so are our little ones. The important thing, only, is to be honest. :wub:

(((Dawn)))

I'm sorry you and your little one are feeling bad. :hug:

:hug: Ruthie

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Dear Little Bee,

Well, you let Hilary see your picture today, didn't you? And I think it felt good, didn't it? She looked at it for a long time, didn't she? I think she likes you.

It was hard for me, for a while, actually. Because it was like you and Hilary were playing off in the corner, and I was left on my own. You know it's hard for me to play games - they scare me.

But in the end, I read out my last letter to you, didn't I? My voice and hands were shaking so much, weren't they? But I did it, and I looked at you in the photograph.

Now, this next bit is scary I know, but Hilary wants you to try and write a letter too. Do you think you might be able to do that? You don't have to do it now, you can do it when you want to. And it can be about anything you like.

You know what, if you write me a letter, I promise (cross my heart and hope to die) that I will read it, and that I will listen.

Love,

Ruth

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An angry post, quite negative, but not suicidal despite ending

Dear Little one,

We have had a hard day today haven't we?

recalling memories of things we would rather forget, that has been really really hard. Today i am really hurting, really sad, really lonely and really scared.

I feel i have no one to turn to, maybe that's why im writing to you. sometimes writing to you makes me feel good, other times it makes me feel sad.

not sad that i have you, because im not,... but i guess im sad that your hurting, and that im hurting and there is nothing i can do about it.

I just wanna curl in a ball and die!, does that seem harsh, or selfish?, maybe it does, im sorry... but right now im loosing hope i really am.

I don't want to be me anymore. :cry:

As you can tell im at odds, i have sat staring at this screen for ages, wondering what my inner child would say back to me.... i reckon she would say this....

Dear Dawn

I know today has been hard, its all my fault!, i made you remember those things, i knew you'd forgotten about bathtime, but that time really scared me and hurt me, and i had to tell you about it.. please don't be cross.

I am sorry your sad and hurting, but im sad and hurting too, maybe we should both curl up in a corner and just give up! ~ would that make you feel better?

Your not normally a quiter why are you being so weak?, your meant to look out for me, you said you would, but you lied.

~ little one

my little one is angry at me, im angry at her, i am also angry at myself what can we do. little one blames me, and i blame me.... its all my bl**dy fault.

why did i ever open my heart to little one, only to be hurt.... right now im angry and my whole existence annoys me beyond belief.

Dawn

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i dont like no people today. its been yucky days and my tummy hurts. she been making herself sick and i dont like it when she does that. i just wanna have ice cream and sweeties but she say no. she say things like that gonna make us fat and she dont wanna be fat. but i know ice cream will make me feel better and i dont care about stupid stuff like getting fat.

i dont like teazle. she been bad lots for lots days now. i dont like hurting and stuff has been hurting lots. i miss my daddy. i want my daddy back. it hurts without him and i miss him. he was a nice man and he gave me cuddles and he made me feel safe. me never feel same no more. me just wanna be safe and not have any more bad men or bad women doing things like touching.

i dont understand why i gotta let bad men and bad women touch. i dont understand that. i want to play but i'm not allowed, i gotta hide or let people touch. i dont like the touching. i just want to feel safe. it makes me angry when people are nasty like that.

people been lots nasty today and yesterday. people said we not telling the truth and i dont like that. thats not fair cos i never liar. but i guess i am bad girl. thats why people is nasty to me cos i'm a liar. you lied as well teazle. you said going to try and listen but your NOT listening. i hate you. oops, i writes too much.

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I've been in here before, just reading, lurking in the thread but I think the time has come to let my inner child out. I think the new memories are actually her way of coming out. So I'm just going to invite her out so she doesn't feel like she has to sneak out. So here goes:

Lis,

I'm sorry I've ignored you. I'm sorry I haven't let you out. I'm sorry you felt like youve had to hide all these years but you can come out. You don't have to hide anymore. We're in this together and we can get through this. I love you. I'm sorry daddy did bad things to us. I didn't want them to happen. I'm sorry I haven't let you cry. I'm working on it. I will try to listen to you more. I really do love and care about you Lis. Really. *hugs and kisses*

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To my dear angel.

Hello again. I'm sorry i havent had the energy to talk to you recently i'm just trying to sort this mess out that i call my life. I feel like crying when i think of you, i cant feel you right now, it feels like your dead. But i dont want you to die. I was us to be together again. I know you told me you couldnt face school anymore and i listened but my mind is telling me i should be worried. I know we are both getting tired after one day of work yesterday and im just wondering if your sure leaving school and going on to do hairdressing is such a good idea? You've been shaken so much these past few weeks and i dont know how to help. Im scared and my mind is just giving me negative thoughts. I wanted to do well yesterday, be confident but no youi wouldnt allow it you had to shy away and hide. I dont understand what your telling me its all mixed up. I cant even be bothered to write a poem about how we feel anymore, why does nothing interest us any more? Nothing seems fun nothing seems like a good idea nothing seems easy apart from sleeping.

I want you to like me. I know i dont like myself and you dont like yourself but i wish we did like ourselves and each other. Why do you need to be loved so much? If only you didnt trust and rely on people so much we wouldnt keep getting hurt. Dont you get it? It just you and me who can make decissions, protect ourselves. Im so confused please help me. I know you like to be alone but if your alone then you cant find anyone here with us to love you which is what you also want...you cant have everything. I dont want to be like this why cant we change? I want to change. I dont like me. I dont like how much you hurt or how numb you feel, why cant you just feel and be normal? Why cant i be normal? I dont want you to hurt me but is it you or my mind telling me i have to punish myself? Why dont you like me? Im sorry! I know you were telling me youwere in pain and just to open my eyes and say something, stop him but i was as numb as you are now. I dont feel like me any more i just feel like im your mask hiding you from the world. Why cant we just be friends? Why do we have to act and hide?

Please take care.

Daydreamer x :hug:

Daydreamer.

Im no angel, my wings are black and broken i cant fly - if i could i'd fly away from here. There is no holo above my head only a stormy cloud. Me too feel like i am dead, daydreamer why cant i show myself to mommy? I dont want to feel too ashamed now. Bothers supposed to keep me safe, safe forever. You should be my bestest friend but i dont like you. I dont like school the people scare me they dont like you or me, the teachers are mean and the work is hard and your mind takes is out on me its not fair why is everything my fault? I too am scared and worried of work now its so long it makes me tired. I want to sleep, sleep forever - sleep is good. You feel like i've been shaken? You and your nasty mind have been shaking me! I cant help being shy! I cant help not having fun any more! I want my toys, my laughter, my smile back but our mean brother stole them.

I dont like you- you hurt me! You didnt protect us! You made me hide. You neglected me. You brought all this pain and you let that mean pig stay at home just to make mommy happy - well what about me? I dont like him, i want him to go away and his here because you couldnt say no! If i let people see me i get hurt so shhhh! I have to stay here. Leave me alone. I need to be alone only on a computer can i come out because a computer screen cant hurt me - well unless you read something that i dont like. Why cant you understand im confused too? Your grown up - you should know whats right but no you lean on me and i cant take it so i make you find someone else but they hurt us. Me dont think we are normal any more. What is normal? Every decission i make is wrong - i always wrong - naughty me. I want to sleep - i want to hide - hiding good. Im too tired. Confused, hurt, tired, lost....

Everything gonna go wrong...punishment is used to learn from mistakes but we dont learn so we need to be puunished until we do. We are naughty -naughty little girls. If everything carries on like this i dont think i can carry on...i am weak...you have to stop me dying. Please help me.

From your inner child.

Edited by Daydreamer

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today my little mel is being a brat. lots of stomping her feet and being angry and frustrated. we had to do serious work and she didn't want to. we went out last night and she danced alot. she giggled and laughed like she was truly allowed to be a little girl for the first time. she's very very adorable and i am making a conscious effort to help live and flourish like she wasn't able to before

mel

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Dear Little Bee,

Um, yeah... so, on Monday I was a complete b*tch to you. I don't know if you and I are speaking, but someone was speaking to Hilary today - was that you? The scarf smells of her now, that's nice, isn't it?

Maybe making you cry like that helped. Who knows.

Anyway, it's a bit weird and tough at the moment, and we have to do all this flipping scary grown up things. But maybe we can try and stick together. Or something.

Ruth

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my inner child is crying today. she won't talk. just cries.

i don't know how to deal with her :unsure:

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I had a field day with my inner child yesterday. Taylor's husband and I went to Wal Mart yesterday while Taylor was at work to get me some church shoes because the ones I have are like, 5 years old, yeah, I lovethem, they're comfortable but I need new ones. Well they didn't have any shoes I'd wear(I'm picky 'bout this weird kinda stuff) So we just wandered around and there was this shelf full of stuffed animals, one of them being a moose. I have always loved mooses and so when I saw him Lis was begging me, "PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE?????" so I grabed him. He just smiled and gave me this weird look and he's like, "What're you doing with that?" I grined, I'm like, "I'm gonna buy it." He's like, "Why?" I'm like, "Cuz I wanna and I can..." He grinned and is like, whatever. Then we go look at books and I see the coloring books. Well I didn't buy one but when we got home I spent an hour coloring and just having fun. Yesterday was an awesome day for me and my inner child. We had fun. :)

(edited cuz I can't spell)

Edited by Maddy

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My inner child is crying and im too tired so im unable to help.

:cry::sadang::bye::ill::please::g.up::sor::rain:

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My inner child has hidden away, maybe i should go and hide with her :cry::tear:

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