Masquerade

[dragonfly88]

Hello all,

I'm 27 yrs old. I've been wearing a mask since I was 9 yrs old. I endured abuse in one form or the other until I was 15 but the scars still keep me guarded. I'm tired of pretending. I need to learn to heal.

The following is NOT my work, just a touching poem I found online that seems to describe me better than I could put into words.

Inside Out

Outside lives a girl with a smile that will brighten up the room,
yet inside hides a girl with a frown full of despair.

Outside lives a girl with eyes of joy that brings you to ease,
yet inside hides a girl shedding tears of sadness.

Outside lives a girl with a beautiful laugh that's contagious,
yet inside hides a girl screaming her lungs out in unwanted anger.

Outside lives a girl with the personality everyone envies,
yet inside hides a girl full of insecurities and shame.

Outside lives a girl who is fearless and tough,
yet inside hides a weak girl who lives in fear.

Outside lives a girl full of life,
yet inside hides a girl full of pain, wanting to die.

Outside lives a girl with a perfect image,
yet inside hides a girl with regrets and mistakes.

Outside lives a girl of innocence,
yet inside hides a girl with tremendous guilt.

Outside lives a girl with goals and aspirations,
yet inside lives a girl lost in confusion.

What you see on the outside is my personal disguise,
What hides underneath you can't even begin to imagine.

Source: http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/inside-out#ixzz3mNwAE7wV
Family Friend Poems

[reglois]

if OK

[louiseroi]

very moving.I can relate. Thanks 4 sharing

[MeBeMary]

Hello Dragonfly,

Welcome to AS. I am very sorry that you have suffered trauma, but please know that you have found a very supportive site. When I came to AS, I used the same description as you...hiding behind a mask. I think many of us do, but it is good to come out from behind the mask. It's hard to move on, but relating with others that understand has helped me, and I hope it will do the same for you. I do wish you well on your healing journey.

Mary

[trying2accept]

Welcome to AS dragonfly! I hope you find the support you are looking for here and thank you so much for sharing that poem. I can definitely relate.

[angelic]

hello dragonfly,

welcome to After silence, my name is Paula and I am one of the newbie support team here, that is a very touching and moving poem. I hope you're finding your way around the board okay, if you need any assistance or have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me or one of the team

take care,

Paula

[kalini]

People deeply traumatized as children are great actors. I'm here for you, my inbox is open. Hard as it is, as we tend to be people pleasers, ignore adversity and do whatever you have to do to have the life you deserve. I believe in you.