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Hello,

My name is Connie and I am an adult survivor of CSA. I'm 54 and live in Michigan. I have two dogs and a cat, and am blessed to have a wonderful partner who is loving and supportive. I went through 8 years of therapy in my 30s and thought I was "healed" but in the last five years or so, the memories are returning too vividly.

I am glad to have a place to express myself, be supported, and hopefully to be supportive to others as well. I love to help people so I feel this will be a win-win situation.

Thank you for having me!

Connie :tealribbon:

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Hello Connie, my fellow Michigander. :hi:

Welcome to AS. I am very sorry for the trauma that you suffered, but please know that you have found a very supportive site. The members are truly kind and understanding. I know it can be hard when things go well, then they don't. Hopefully this site can help you get to that well spot again. I do wish you well on your healing journey.

Mary

:supportu:

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Hello Connie48036, welcome. You are not alone. I'm sorry you experienced abuse. It was not your fault.

This group on-line is a good source of support. There is also information you can read. Have you read the book "The Courage to Heal" by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis? It is a book for women survivors of CSA. It is a good one. You can find it on-line or in public libraries.

I am glad you have a supportive partner. Pets can also be supportive and a good company.

It is normal for some memories to come back sometimes. Can you identify a trigger? You said you had counselling before. What strategies did you learn to cope with memories?

There is an approach I found helpful. It is called "Acceptance and Commitment Therapy". It teaches you how to sit with unwanted memories and images knowing that they are going to pass. There is a lot of information on the net. Check it out and see what you think. I tend to use "The Bus" metaphor. I imagine my life is a bus and I am driving it. The memories are passengers I don't like but I can still keep driving my bus. Memories are also like auttum leaves, watch they fall :autumn:

Healing is possible.

Take care.

:youcanheal::notalone::supportu:

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Thank you for th-e kind replies. I haven't read the book you cite, Minerba, but I definitely plan on checking it out.

I haven't been able to identify a trigger yet. It seems random. Some nights I have a repeat of the nightmares that used to haunt me. That starts the anxiety again, when I wake up from those.

My best coping strategy is writing. I have written several poems (and in fact am trying to get a chapbook published currently). I also do some meditation and I enjoy music and video games (my partner laughs about that one, because they stress her out when she can't win the levels LOL).

I will look into the therapy you mention above; I used to drive a bus so that might just be something to look at! :)

Thank you again for the warm welcome. I'm happy to have found this supportive place.

Connie :tealribbon:

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Hi connie48036,

I have the same thing with no specific triggers and it being random. Also, I have nightmares and repeat nightmares that keep me up or wake me up as well. I hope you are able to get some help with it!

Krissy413

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From what my therapist tell me these memories are just somatic episodes bubbling up from the past aka "your body has not caught up with what your mind knows" embrace these episodes and learn from them(easier said than done I know) and you can actually turn a panic attack into something great. Good luck with your journey!

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Hello connie

welcome to After Silence.

my name is Paula and I am one of the newbie support team here, I hope you are finding your way around the board okay, please contact me or one of the team if you have any questions

take care,

Paula

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