Alys

The First Step

7 posts in this topic

Good afternoon all!..

Yesterday, I made my report to the detective handling my case and when he left, I was alone. In my soul, my spirit felt vanquished and I needed comfort. That is how I found AS. In need of much support, and realizing I cannot walk nor survive alone, I am reaching out. Creativity has always been an outlet for me, but I have been self-medicating and swallowed by depression since the event happened three weeks ago. Something has been triggered within me to reach out and ask for others to walk me through this valley of despair that has consumed me.

I understand that it is not my fault. That my pain is not uncommon. Within me, I can comprehend all of the adages that apply to this struggle. But I need to reconcile my own voice by hearing the healthy coping skills of others. Does that make sense?

I am waiting for the advocates and detective to return to my home today to finish the process. When the door close behind them, know that I will be reaching out Thank you for being a resource.

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:aswelcomesu::youcanheal::notalone::bighug: if OK Sorry everything is so raw for you, glad you reached out, you will find this a very welcoming and helpful place.

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Sorry what u have went through ...so glad u found this site . U will find so much support here . I am thinking of reporting soon as well and dealing with another situation . U r so so strong .

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Alys,

Welcome to AS. I am glad you are reaching out, because there are many others that understand your pain. There are many friendly, supportive and kind people here. It's a shame any of us need this type of support, but I am grateful that we have all found this safe haven. I wish you well on your journey of healing.

Mary

:notalone:

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Hello Alys,

welcome to After Silence, well done on making your report to the detective, that's a huge step, Joining here is also a huge step too. I hope you find comfort and your voice here , My name is Paula and I am one of the newbie support team here, I hope you are finding your way around the board okay, if you need any help please let me know and I will do my best to help

take care, Paula

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Thank you for the welcome. It has been a long day. Had to force myself to eat something tonight cause I feel like I am going to faint from nerves. I heard his voice today for the first time since the incident (the perp) and it just brought a flood of sickness. But I have compartmentalized the emotion for the moment. Knowing full well I will not forget this day. Again thank you and I am glad my voice has space to be heard without judgment.

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Today is the last day I will be make a controlled call to my perpetrator. If it is unsuccessful, I will ask the detective to just pick him up for questioning. It is my hope a warrant will be issued after that. My greatest fear this week was that he would know I had contacted the police, and that he would retaliate. I do not have weapons in my home and we all know that it only takes seconds for an act of violence to be committed. I have walked in fear all week of that fact.

But for some reason today, I am at peace. I am taking all the right steps to protect myself, and to do what is right. Not just for myself, but in the name of all those who cannot make that next step. So often this month, I have been told I have a responsibility to those he may hurt if I don't report. I cannot own that. It is not my cross to bear. I know that being hesitant to report is a personal choice. We all struggle with whether it is the right action for us at some point..some leap while others hesitate. It is a personal choice. One that we are not afforded in that moment we are violated.

In my past, as a child, I was sexually abused for years. In my addiction, I was violently assaulted by men when I was in the sex trade. In my present life, it happened in a moment of sobriety. There is no such thing as a "typical" victim. It is an act of violence that is indiscriminate. Today, I am a warrior woman fighting back against an injustice I did not ask for. I will not submit to his intimidation with silence. I am screaming out loud I AM STILL HERE!! I am alive. And I will do what is best for me as I walk through this mire of loathing and emerge a stronger woman.

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