Hi Everyone

[Harmonious]

Hi everyone, I am new here. I am 21 years old. I am a male survivor for about 15 years now. I have been looking to signing up but I was too afraid of getting judged until I saw everyone's testimony over time. I have been looking at this forum for about 2 years, afraid to sign up until now. Forgive my English too if I make mistakes.

It all started in the Philippines. The children were able to play freely without parents watching. I went to an alley way since the playground was straight ahead and there was an unfamiliar adult that came out of no where and then molested me. I have been a victim of child molestation at age 6. I have overcome the challenges in life although it was extremely difficult. Because I was a victim, it was hard for me to make friends and trust others. I have heard parents calling me "weird" and "unusual" child since I did not go well with society. I had also went into self harm but that stop years ago although I still suffer from mild depression and anxiety. I was one of those loners in school until late high school years and college. I am not completely healed yet but I am good today. There are a lot of nice, supportive people out there. The counselors and psychiatrist have helped a lot and they are supportive and my friends are like the closest to me yet they do not know about my past since I am afraid to expose the past due to judgement and it does hurt. Once I am ready or when the right time comes, I will most likely share the past to them.

I am so glad that I joined this group that has no form of judgement towards others. It gives me confidence when other people share their stories and how supportive people are. It's not easy sharing the past since it does hurt! Just typing this right now is giving me confidence. It feels like that I am letting go of the past slowly. I know that I am not alone! I have no regrets sharing my story to the outside world now and hope that I can help others as well in the future. My dream is to become a Psychiatrist ever since this happened to me. I hope to get into Medical school next two years!

Edit: I live in the United States now! Not in the Philippines.

Edited February 2, 2015 by Harmonious

[jsavik]

Welcome Harmonious

You aren't the only guy here. Our experience is different but the same in that we sure didn't ask for it.

Were your parents military? The Navy and Air Farce were all over the PI for many years.

I'm a BRAT (Born, Raised And Transferred). I was born in West Germany- my dad was in the US Army. I didn't even come to the States until I was 5!

The Philippines are spectaculary beautiful and the people are really friendly. Sorry you have bad memories of the place.

I'm new to figuring out how to recover from this too but, I hope I made you feel welcome.

Edited February 2, 2015 by jamessavik

[louiseroi]

Hi, welcome. I just recovered a memory of abuse at age 6. It is so terrible that we have had our innocence damaged and it has affected our lives. But I wish you all the best on your healing journey.This site is full of wonderful people who understand.

[Harmonious]

Hi Jamessavik. My parents are actually born in the Philippines. We immigrated to the United States when I was around 13-14 years old. I totally agree with you that the Philippines is a beautiful place but in certain areas though since it has gotten worse as I heard in the news. I was at the wrong place at the wrong time. We still visit the Philippines but not my village. I am still trying to find ways to recover as well! I feel welcomed here. I know you will find a way!

Louiseroi, Hi there. I agree how something so quick can actually destroy our innocence and affect our future. I am glad that you found a way to recover the memory of abuse. I feel like I have recovered throughout the past but it is not fully completed. It's no easy to recover but I know it is possible! There is so many loving people here just looking at all the support and testimonies. Thanks!

[reglois]

if OK

[MeBeMary]

Welcome Harmonious. I'm glad you found your way here, though I am so sorry of the abuse you have endured. You say that you have been looking at the site for two years, afraid to sign up, and that's ok. We all need to find that moment that seems right for us. It's never an easy journey, but you are supported here.

Mary

[Anya27]

Hi ...Very nice to meet u ...Im so sorry for what u went through ...I joined here about 3 weeks back and u wil find tons and tons of support here ...Its good u made the step to join and open up . Please Take care

[sunshinee]

Welcome to Aftersilence Harmonious,

I'm glad that you were finally able to post here! I know whenever I'm looking at forums (especially like this) it takes me along time muster up the courage to join. I hadn't told anyone about me until my last few years of university. That was the first time I told my best friend of 13 years. I do believe you when you say that when the time is right you will tell them (or you don't have to at all- it's up to you).

I do hope you find the support here, and I'm glad that you felt better writing that. I think that every word you write/say makes you more and more powerful.

Mandy