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So hey guys, I'm new. I debated even after signing up not coming on here. I've spent roughly 7 or so years pretending that this never happened, and making excuses to justify what happened to me as anything but sexual abuse. I have been slowly coming to terms with it, but then everything got kicked into hyper speed when I started my master's to become a therapist and I had my first client that had similiar issues. So I've realized that no matter how much I want to pretend that this isn't what happened, and hide behind the guilt and say it was all my fault, that I can't anymore. I'm trying to do right by me, and I figured this would be a good place to start. Right now I'm still really conflicted with my emotions, and even typing this admittence out makes me want to delete it and run away, haha. But I won't, so here I am.

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First of all, welcome to AS. You will find bountiful support that you may have not realized that you needed within this forum.

I'm new here myself, and have decided to do some spring cleaning in my mind. As you are beginning to realize, just because you sweep the memories of what happened to you under the rug, it doesn't mean that they'll go away. Congratulations on taking the first step in beating out that metaphorical, old, dusty rug! You can share as little or as much as you feel comfortable sharing, and there will always be someone listening to you. You will not be judged, blamed, or shamed. This is a place for you to feel safe as you begin your journey through the healing process.

If you ever want to chat, feel free to send me a message. I'm all ears. Once again, welcome! You are not alone here.

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Hi there Brittasaurus and welcome to the AS community... although I don't know you, I feel somehow very proud of you for speaking out here! I'm surprised if you don't have a supervisor / counselor at school / work you could talk this through with - I can't imagine this type of situation hasn't happened enough times before? As you say, you can't hide behind the self-blame anymore and you can now start on your healing journey - all the very best to you - marz

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Welcome Brittasaurus.

Understand what your going thru. I denied it most of my life and I still get very conflicted. You have taken a very important first step, and I am proud of you for doing so. It isn't an easy journey, but the path to healing always starts with that first step. You will find great support here.

Mary

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Hi, There is nothing like being put into a situation where its your job to support a person with abuse issues, to connect you with that experience, if it has happened to you. You are very brave to be doing therapy, I had long harboured a dream of doing it but when I had a 'sort of' therapy job, and was confronted with the reality, I felt I could not really help the people I worked with. I over identified, got too emotionally involved and burned out, basically. I had to have a year of supervision (which I had to pay for) in order to get the strength to leave that toxic work situation.So I hope you find AS helpful . I know I have.You have to look after you first, I learned that the hard way.

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Hi ...Very nice to meet u ...Im sorry for what u went through ...its really nice u r into therapy as helping others is therapy itself but true when u come across someone with very similar traumatic situation it can be a bit scary and trigger things ....I denied tons too so I can relate ...Glad u r here and r sharing ...Thats a big step Take Care

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Welcome! i'm new too. Your welcome post is the second post I have read and already I can start to see (if not believe) that i'm not alone. Thank you.

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All of you are outstanding, and what your saying makes me feel so incredibly supported. I know this sounds generic, but like every time I read a post from one of you I start crying or almost start crying, but in a good way. It's that not feeling so alone way.

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HEllo Brittasaurus16,

Welcome to Aftersilence!

I'm glad that you found us- and that you feel supported! You know about the whole writing part and deleting it - I'm a master at that!!!!

Sometimes no matter how much we try to run away from our past, we just can't. At some point we just have to face it, and conquer it. I'm still working on that, but for the most part I've made into just a memory that happened to me, and replaced with lots of good things.

Mandy

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