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23 Years Of Silence And Finally Somewhat Free.......

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Hi everyone....I'm new here, just came across this site lastnight. Needing a little support and input from others. I finally spoke up 1 year ago in October and my world has been upside down ever since. The one person in the world that I always thought would be there for me (my mother) has pretty much decided to side with and continue to love my abuser (my step father). Most of the time I feel like I'm in a tailspin of emotions and the only thing that gives me comfort is knowing that I have saved my own children from him ever getting to them in some way. I started being abused at the age of 9 and it continued until I was around 14. Its been a long road and im so ready for it to be over........

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Hi, I am quite new too, welcome to AS. Well done on dealing decisively with your past, its too bad if others in your family don't understand but what matters most is your and your childrens' safety,not to mention, the truth.

I hope you find the forums as helpful as I have.

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hello AngelBaby82,

Welcome to After Silence, my name is Paula and I am one of the newbie support team here, I hope you are finding your way around the board okay, if you need any help with any aspect of the board, please let me know,

take care, Paula

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That is so many years to be hurt. I am sorry you were hurt so much. That your world feels so upside down since speaking, well this does get tough as the feelings come out. It is tough! We need others for getting through it. If your world seems upside down now, maybe it always was and so it will be very disorienting straightening it out, if that makes any sense at all. I applaud you for your talking now. Must have been a tough time since October. Well, maybe it was always a tough time and now you are getting a chance to feel the ouch that was there the entire time. It hurts when someone chooses to stay with the abuser and you are the one left alone though you were the one that was wronged, the one that was hurt. Many here will have been through that also. Time to not have to be so alone with it all. For the road being long and ready for it to be over, I just hope the travels get easier and to the right destinations now. That you saved your own children, good for you! That is so important. Good to see you reaching out.

Best to you in your healing


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  • 3 weeks later...

Thank you so much for your words Rain!!! It seems like it's been such a long road. In the past few weeks I have decided to try and move on with my life......I try so hard not to think of my mom and what she has chosen.....she still confuses me with her words....one minute she's crying and telling me she's so sorry and the next she's treating me like I'm crap and it's my fault?!?! I went back to work last week after being home with my own children for 10 years and for once things actually feel like they have fallen into place......I'm more focused on my children and work and haven't really put as much thought into them and their lives......they are the ones that have to live with the demons now and I want to move on and away from it!!

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