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AKtomboy

I'm Struggling And Just Need A Little Support

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I am 25 and it has been 13 years since my childhood SA and I'm simply exhausted with the anxiety, confusion, and doubt that I still live with every day. I have no good outlet for my angst and I feel its finally time to do something about it so I'm here just looking for a little support.

I have always had an erradic lifestyle filled with overworking myself, stretching myself thin fullfilling social obligations, and generally neglecting to take care of myself. I've been living this way for way too long and I guess its just time for me to stop living in denial and actually trying to become a survivor instead of struggling to get by. I have been able to work myself through a lot of my own issues up to this point but this is the first time I feel I won't be able to help myself. Sadly I've had many bad experiences with therapists so its a path I'm hesitant to go down again.

I'm just looking for the support of people who can really understand what I'm going through and become my positive outlet and help me feel a little less alone with my struggles.

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AKtomboy I think you will find some solace here. I am very sorry for what happened to you, it is so unfair that childhood is not always what it should be for everyone. Although it may be hard to believe, it is very possible to heal from CSA-this does not have to rule one's life for ever. You will find support here.

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Hello Aktomboy, I'm sorry you are having a bad time. You must be feeling awful. It is normal for survivors of sexual abuse to experience bad times during the healing process.

What strategies do you have to cope with bad times? How is your support network? Do you have family members and/or friends who are supportive of you? Any hotline you could call?

Many survivors experience anxiety, confusion, doubt and anger. You are not alone. You are being very courageous to come out of denial. Have you read the book "The Courage to Heal" by Laura Davis and Ellen Bass? It is a good one. You can buy it on line or find it in public libraries?

How do you think this group online could support you?

:youcanheal::notalone::supportu:

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I have tried a lot of meditation and personal introspection but I find it hard to stay with. In all honesty I have lived most of my life up to this point in denial telling myself the world is beautiful and everything that happened to me wasn't that bad. Any time I had flashbacks it would bring me back to the reality of the situation and cause me to plummet into depression. So it was easier to keep telling myself lies. My family has perpetuated this by constantly ignoring the issue, pretending it didn't happen or by minimizing the events. Its a terrible coping mechanism and I'm ready to do away with it and actually confront my issues head on. I know it will be hard, but unfourtunately I have no support system to help me through it.

Sadly, my best friends who know my story and support me the most both live in Germany. They are amazing friends and an awesome resource when I am able to contact them, but I have no immediate support. I just moved to a new city and I don't know anyone outside of my fellow coworkers.

I have decided to try and find a therapist as I have accepted I can't do this on my own. I'm looking around and hopefully I'll find one I feel comfortable with.

Until things fall into place I was hoping to use this forum to feel a little less alone. I want to be finally be able to open up about my experiences to people who really understand and are willing to listen and help. I just feel so isolated with my problems and I wanted to be able to get a lot of thoughts out of my mind in a safe place.

Thanks everyone for your support so far!

Edited by AKtomboy

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The worst feeling is when you think you cant speak. You well it up inside and pretend it did not happen or maybe that your mind tricked you. I went through all these feelings i still go through them, and i know how your feeling. Frustrated, but there is no magic pill to heal you. Find happiness in new hobbies, passions and things that make you laugh. Laughter and love are the best healers of everything. That moment when you flashback stop yourself take a deep breathe and say "it happened, i am not what happened to me, i am an amazing person and there is a silver lining in all, even tragedies. You will find your way, your love and your passion for life, Smile love Good things are coming.

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Hello AKtomboy, welcome to the forums, I'm sure you'll find the support you need here =)

Sometimes the biggest step is acknowledging when to ask for help.

Stay cool =)

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Thank you all for your support so far. I have found everyone to be so helpful and having a voice, even through typing, has been very theraputic. I have gotten myself into therapy and I feel I'll make a lot of progress with the therapist I found. I've found a little extra strength at least knowing I have that level of support. I'm also making stronger friendships by not allowing unhealthy people to consume my life.

I know its not going to be an easy path of healing, but I know its going to be the best things for me in the long run. I'm ready to take the challenge head on.

Thank you all!

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