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I Don't Know If I Belong

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I have posted one time before and everyone has been so kind and welcoming.

As I look around the site, I'm just not sure if I belong here or not. The problem is, I don't feel like I belong anywhere.

(T warning) - think I'm supposed to say this if there are any details

I was only assaulted one time when I was 15 by a boy a couple years older than me and he only used fingers, so I am probably making a bigger deal out of it than it is. I had not ever told anyone until recently when it all got dug up after a friend of mine was murdered by her husband.

I am just struggling with depression and anxiety. There is a part of me that wants to tell everyone I know because then I wouldn't feel like I was holding onto it as a secret anymore and there is a much larger part of me that would be mortified if anyone I know well actually found out about this.

So many of you here have been through so much. I have a friend who has DID because of all the abuse she went through. I need to be able to process what did happen to me, but I'm not sure this is the place.

But anyway, thanks for listening. This site is full of courageous people who are facing giants and slaying dragons. So amazed and honored to read your posts.

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You shouldn't minimize what happened to you at all! To be perfectly honest, it really doesn't matter what was used - it's the emotional impact abuse like that causes that really takes its toll. The majority of my physical trauma healed many years ago, but it was only this last year that I started to acknowledge and try to process the emotional impact the abuse had on me. This is an amazing place to be able to process and work through how you're feeling. The anonymity is helpful when you're first starting to deal with what has happened and it has helped me to get to a point where I have been able to tell my therapist and my husband a bit about what happened to me. I'm not at a point where I feel comfortable talking about it much, but the basic truth is out there as a starting point for me.

I'm sorry that you had to go through that experience... I wish that there was no need in the world for a site like this, but I do hope that you won't feel that you don't belong here. It's not about comparing stories or judging here - it's about supporting each other and having a place where you can "say" what you are really thinking and feeling in a community where you have people that actually understand the unique feelings that are tied to SA.

Take care. Sending safe hugs if ok and feel free to PM me anytime if you want to chat. I'm usually online at least a few times per day.


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Hey welcome to as, you do belong here.

There is a section on digital r* you might find helpful, although potentially triggering. Sorry for the reason you need to be here but you do belong.

Hope to see you around the boards.

Wishing you well and sending you my support through your healing journey.


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Hey singanote, you belong here and I am terribly sorry for the emotional toil this has had on you. I joined this site for a similar reason and asked my self the same question... "Do I belong? He didn't 'r*pe' me..." But like coffee said. it is important not to minimize how you are feeling about what he did to you. I am really glad you found AS and that you are eager to share about what happened (even though it is scary), so you can heal. You deserve to heal. Feel free to message me anytime. Take care!

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Hey there, singanote... I'm so sorry for what you endured. I'm very sorry, too, to hear about your best friend passing away :(

You absolutely do belong here. We all have different levels of physical/emotional/sexual trauma that we've experienced. None is less than the other, your pain is important, and your healing is important. I hope you find After Silence a great source of comfort, and a place to help you to begin processing what's happened to you.

*edited because I called you "singalong" at first by accident...*

Edited by NorskyCourtney
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Of course you belong here and I'm sorry for what you went through. Any invasion of your body that you didn't want can be very traumatising and the emotional effects can really take their toll.

You are strong, you are slaying dragons and facing giants. Thank you for joining our community and you are very welcome here.

This site is a great support network to use as you begin to process what happened to you. We are all here for you and you can talk to me any time :)

Lovely to meet you, hugs if ok :hug::hug::hug:

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  • 3 weeks later...

Siganote: you belong here as much as anyone else - so he "only fingered me" you say - Only? He had no right to & being fingered is as evasive as being raped; in fact in my opinion it is tantamount to rape

Rape in my opinion (& I am sure the opinion of most on here) is forced penetartion of your body whether by whichever body member or an inanimate object

We are all here for you Siganote & I am sure you are welcome to pm any of us & you definately can pm me if you wish to if you need to chat prevately and I will listen to you

As for your minimising your abuse Siganote I did the same feeling my abuse is less abuse than a female rape victim - I can't explain why I think this but maybe it is because my current gf Claire was seriously abused by her ex which I eventually with much coaxing managed to pull her from - Claire & I are now living together very much in love supporting each other - I hope you too Siganote are in a loving relationship with a partner who understands you & is supportive towards you

tc Siganote :hug::hug::hug:


Edited by Twocky61
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You definitely belong. I know how hard it is to not compare yourself to others at times, but your trauma deserves just as much time and attention as any other traumas you encounter on here. You deserve to be heard and to heal from it. I hope you can find some of that here!

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hi there.
Welcome to AS.

I hope you find this site to be helpful.


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  • 2 months later...

Thank you. I don't know what else to say but that I am grateful for a safe place where I can be real about this and not hold it inside....30 years is too long. I feel as if it was one event...but one that has changed the trajectory of my life. I can't help but wonder if it hadn't have happened...who would I be? Would I be married and have kids? Would I be confident? I don't know...and will never...because it DID happen. But, at least being able to acknowledge that it did brings some freedom. It's been like trying to hold a beach ball under water....it's a relief in some ways...to be able to let it surface--at least when I'm here. Thank you.

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Signanote...you most certainly belong here...it was unwanted

This place is incredible...really incredible

I too held my own in for more than two decades...and wonder what life would have been like if I had cared for it before

welcome welcome

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