Melli

Hi, I'm New And Glad To Find You.

23 posts in this topic

Hi,

I'm new to the forum but glad to have found you.

I think I need some friendship and support, and I would like to offer the same.

Some things I've never talked about with anyone, and I guess I'd like to share them before I reach the end of my life here on earth.

I changed when I was in the fifth grade. I just changed. I changed the night my stepfather molested me while calling me by my mother's name. I can still remember to this day how I felt, what I thought. I remember my terror, my paralysis. I remember wanting to run, to hide, to scream, to tell someone........but I had no one to tell. My mother worked nights, and she was not the kind of mother you could ever go to with any problem. She would have been the last person I would've told.

I begged to go back to my own bed. I guess I thought I'd be "safe" there. But he wouldn't allow me to. So, as he fell asleep, snoring, within about 3 minutes, I laid in bed awake, all night, terrified, sweating, afraid to move one single, solitary muscle for fear that he would wake up and do it all, again.

I remember lying there all night, with silent, hot tears running out of the sides of both eyes, and dripping down my cheeks onto the pillow. I remember the fear. The gutwrenching nausea and fear. And the feeling of being trapped.

From that moment on, I was never the same. I changed. Everything about me and everything about the world changed that night. In that very moment. In the time it took for him to molest me, I became another person.

So, many years have come and gone. I still have a hurting little girl inside of me. Actually, she's pretty terrified of the world, still, and it's been decades.

I would not wish on any boy or girl (or man or woman) the type of pain and suffering that comes from being betrayed and molested and abused. I am so sorry that you know that pain. And I am sorry that I have lived with it my entire life.

I hope that I at least can be of some support to you, and you to me. I feel so sad, sometimes. I still cry, sometimes. I don't think I will ever truly get over all of the abuse.

But that one night remains so crisp, so clear, so vivid, in my memories. It's as if I lived it only yesterday.

Thanks for listening.

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:aswelcomesu::youcanheal::notalone::bighug: if OK

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Hi, Reglois,

Thank you so much for welcoming me!!

And thanks for reminding me that I am not alone........ :cloud9:

Melli

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Oops!...........I think I was only supposed to introduce myself here, and then share on another part of the forum. Forgive me if I was supposed to actually put part of my story on another part of the forum. I'll get the hang of it, I'm sure.

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Hi Melli,

I'm new also, there's some guide pages.

More forums unlock as you make more posts.

Don't worry, but they might move your post.

Best wishes Nathan

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Hi, Nathan! Very glad to meet you! And glad I'm not the only new one, too!

Yes, they might move it, and that's perfectly fine. It really was an honest mistake on my part.

:hi:

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Hi Melli,

Don't worry...you'll get the hang of this in no time! (I mean, navigating around this site)

Welcome to AS!

:aswelcomesu::youcanheal::supportu:

All the best to you on your healing journey,

Glad you found this site!

Josie

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Thanks, Josiel!

Nice to meet you, and thanks for welcoming me!

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hello Melli

welcome to After Silence, my name is Paula and I am one of the newbie support team here. I hope you are finding your way around the board okay, if you need any help please let me know and I will do my best to help

take care, Paula

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I am so sorry that happened to you. I definitely can relate, as can many others. :aswelcomesu::candle:

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I am sorry that you have a reason to be here, but since you do, I am glad that you found AS!
I sincerely hope that you find this site as helpful as I have in my healing journey.
You have taken a really big and positive step in your healing by joining AS and I am proud of you!
Feel free to PM if you need to. I will listen.
Welcome again! Safe :hug: if OK.

Much love and support, your friend, Chantel ♥

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Welcome here, Melli!

I'm sorry for the reasons you are here, what's led you to this site today. But, it's a great support, and connecting with other survivors is key, I believe, in being able to continue forward. It helps having people who understand.

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Hi Melli

When you have made 10 posts the 'share your story' is automatically open to you

So sorry for what brought you here, talking (well writing it down) has been an enormous help

to me, hope you find the same :comfort:

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I am so sorry that happened to you. I definitely can relate, as can many others. :aswelcomesu::candle:

Thanks, Lucy-ITS.......what you said means a lot. I'm sorry that you can relate.

Nice to meet you........ :hi:

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hello Melli

welcome to After Silence, my name is Paula and I am one of the newbie support team here. I hope you are finding your way around the board okay, if you need any help please let me know and I will do my best to help

take care, Paula

Thanks, Paula.......I'm finding my way around pretty well.......it's easy because the site seems so well organized. I'm glad to be here, and it's nice to meet you.

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Hi, Chantel.......(such a beautiful name!)........and nice to meet you! I'm really glad to have found AS!

Yes, safe hugs are wonderful!!................. :hug:

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Welcome here, Melli!

I'm sorry for the reasons you are here, what's led you to this site today. But, it's a great support, and connecting with other survivors is key, I believe, in being able to continue forward. It helps having people who understand.

Hi NCourtney........very nice to meet you! And I'm glad to be here. Yes, I definitely need to connect with other survivors because I stay too silent (part of that is due to my family's denial and their disparaging comments). It will be wonderful having others who understand.

Thank you for welcoming me......... :hi:

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Hi Melli

When you have made 10 posts the 'share your story' is automatically open to you

So sorry for what brought you here, talking (well writing it down) has been an enormous help

to me, hope you find the same :comfort:

Okay, great! I think I may already have 10 posts, so when I have some time tonight, maybe I can hop on the forum and read other people's stories.

Thanks for telling me!.......... :friends2:

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Hello and welcome to AS, the people here are very compassionate and caring! Sorry for what brought you here, but you will find healing.

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Welcome to AS, melli! I am terribly sorry for what you have endured and that you have to be here. I know how it feels to live with a terrified little girl inside of you when all you want to do is stand strong. You are not alone!

Take care of yourself. I am here if you need anything.

Safe hugs, if okay.

*edit for typo.

Edited by lily23

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Hi there.

Welcome to AS.

I hope you are finding your way around the boards ok.

Found

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I hope you are doing well.

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