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I'd Like To Be Brave And Find Support

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Hello everyone,

I'm new here but seeing how bravely everyone here shares their experiences, thoughts and feelings makes me want to give it a go and see if it helps...

It's sad that most of you also know what it's like having floods of bad memories and stuggling with them. Although I wouldn't wish it for anyone it's kind of nice to know Im not alone and you guys understand.

I've got mixed feelings about the little girl that got hurt. Some days I'm okay hearing her and I can be pretty childish some days.. I guess it's her getting the attention then. Other days I don't like her at all and feel frustrated with myself and my stupid head for remembering and getting distracted.

I struggle to concentrate so I'm not very productive at work, I'm jumpy and on edge a lot, freaking out when people around me drink alcohol or get loud. And some of my ways to cope with things aren't that healthy.

I like to listen to music, play my accordion and soak in the bath to relax.. Although when I don't feel safe I tend to keep busy doing chores or exercise so that I'm good and give no reason for any more baddies to hurt me. I should know that I'm safe now cause I am, but when I get worried or stressed it doesn't feel safe to relax. It's a bit of a vicious cycle :(

I'm really struggling with nightmares. After I've had a nightmare I'm too scared to go to sleep, then the next evening I'm worried about going to sleep and then end up having another nightmare... Then I start avoiding sleeping and the cycle only breaks once I've completely exhausted myself and fall asleep without even trying, or get physically sick and run down and have to stay in bed for a while.

Hoping it'll get easier when I get to talk to you...

<3: Muru

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iam new on this site and iam a little confused about this posting anyway iam 56 I grew up in the Bronx I took many years of violent severe beatings from my father he was a drunk ialso got raped by a unknown man on the train tracks iwas 7 I never said a word about any of these for over 40 years I became a drunk at age 12 I hid in a bottle iam sober over 12 years my father died from his drinking in 1979 he was 56 I have learned to let go of the hatred and fear that ran my life I forgave all my abusers around 12 years ago I learned that I became free when I did that for me recovery from the sex abuse is much harder than stopping drinking I attend acoa meetings and a group for survivors untreated trauma ruled my life for a long time istuffed all my feelings so I could survive I stopped crying for over 40 years I cry now if I have to I rejoined the human race I don't run and hide from my issues I seek help from the divine and I love and forgive myself I go forward iwant to bless all people on this sitew with peace love and harmony my name is rich

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(((Rich))))) :aswelcomesu::youcanheal::notalone: so sorry you have need to be here

Congratulation on your sobriety :bighug:

Edited by reglois
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Hello Muru,

welcome to After Silence, can I just first say you ARE brave, you made your profile and you stepped up and said hello, that is a huge step forward, that takes a lot of courage. I;m Paula, one of the newbie support team here, and if you have any questions about the board, please contact me any time and I will do my best to help if I can

take care, Paula

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  • 1 month later...

Hi there.

Welcome to AS.

I hope you find this site to be helpful.


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