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Hi, I'm New

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I found your group and am looking for support. I have just ended therapy after 3 years of VERY hard work and some VERY big stumbles. My therapists and I agreed that I was ready but that I need a safety net. I'm hoping this place can be a part of that safety net. Its not the only one. Both my therapists (EMDR and talk) are available on call, I am in a good place with my meds, I have an AMAZING family and a few close friends who help hold me up.

I've dealt with my past in the sense that I can talk about what happened and know (intellectually) how to assign blame correctly. That's not to say I don't slip into negative thought patterns. I still have flashbacks and "floods" of emotions that overwhelm me. But I do know what I'm feeling when I'm feeling it and WHY I'm feeling it. I'm no longer dissociating the majority of the time (I never had 'alters' but I would 'go away' whenever possible into bed, the internet, food, driving aimlessly, etc). I am present. And being present can be exhausting.

The stage I'm in right now is a place where I'm trying to learn how to live. I know that sounds silly but I was on autopilot for so many years...functioning but not optimally. I have yet to hold a professional job for more than 2 years even though I'm very good at what I do (I'm in a little under a year at the current gig and really want to hang in there without feeling trapped and angry). I have yet to keep my house effectively (I am currently at the 2 month mark of keeping it reasonably clean rather than "shoveling it out" 2 times a year when I need to host my children's birthday parties). I'm at the point where I cook for my family 3-4 nights per week. I eat with them 3-4 nights a week. (The previous pattern was a LOT of take out for them and isolation in my room). I can tell my husband what I need and enlist his help (he used to just do his own thing, being out of the house 5-6 nights per week) rather than remain silent and let resentment grow. He's now home most nights and is a FAR more active member of our family. I know he has my back. He knows I want him around. This is a huge improvement.

These are little things but to me they are huge accomplishments. I'm almost 40 years old and I'd like to function more like an adult woman. It is a struggle. It is tiring. I am looking for people to talk to who understand my situation.

Thanks for being here.

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Welcome to AS, I hope it will become a good support system as it has for a lot of us. It does sound that you have made great progress in your healing and your personal relationships. Many wishes for you to continue on your path.

May you enjoy the site and all it has to offer.

Many hugs :bighug: if you like.

Take care of yourself


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Hello Henriette,

welcome to AfterSilence , my name is Paula, and I am one of the newbie support team here. I hope you are finding your way around the board okay, if you need any help with any aspect of the board, please contact me

take care, Paula :hi:

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Hi Henriette,

welcome. I am new here. I'm still scared to use my real name! Thank you for sharing. What you have accomplished IS a big deal. Even if it sounds silly, it really isn't, and sometimes it's the littlist things that are so hard to re-learn to do. Hope you find solace and support here,


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Hi Henriette,

Congratulations on all you have achieved! None of it sounds like small things to me. I find that living a 'normal' life with a family and kids can be a struggle too. I'm in my 40's and just started T this year. I hope you find your safety net here!!

hugs if ok, G

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  • 4 months later...


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