katie143

Hi...

11 posts in this topic

Im new here, and looking forward to some help.. im trying to be open to help but have been having a very rough couple of days and dicovered this site....

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Sorry , i wasnt sure what to write. when i was little i suffered assult and abuse from my fathers best friend, and that led me to an abusive relationship that lasted 5 years of hell, and i was safe for about 4 years until i met a man i thought was a good man and he turned out to be worse then before. we were together for 18 months, we were together 9 months before he got abusive... and i was able to get out in april of this year. and i feel so alone. i mean ive reached back out to my old friends and family. im working on rebuilding the relationships he took away from me, but no one understands what ive been through. my friends the majority i met after i left my first abuser so i was getting better slowly and they get confused when they see this scared broken me that i seem to be now, i had come a long way and now, i feel like ive gone back so far. However ive left shelter and am in my own place trying to get my life back on track. i have started college. let me go back some. i injured my back in the military in 05 and went home to my first abuser who until that point had just been controlling not verbally or physically abusive, but since i was injured and had no one he got worse. and now 8 years later i am finally proving him wrong i am not to broke to do anything and to stupid to do anything i have enrolled in the vocational rehabilitation program through vba to go to college. so i am going through all the motions and mostly can hide what is going on inside my head except when i have panic attacks at school. i spent the 9 months before april being held hostage in my own hell. and now being around so many people is so scary. i was already weird and had social anxiety after the events of my past and now after being alone hotage by a bipolar angry man for so long its weird being around anyone let alone a campus full of college students and im trying and everyone says ive come so far but i barely sleep and i lay awake at night hypervigilant to the noises afraid to sleep because the nightmares are worse. and it seems to keep getting worse and worse and im so scared to go to sleep and am so alone in the early hours of the morning when my support system is asleep i start getting more afraid until i start shaking and crying.......

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Welcome. I hope you can find some understanding and comfort here.

I wish you peace of mind and way to get the sleep you need and deserve.

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Hello Katie

welcome to AfterSilence, I'm Paula, one of the newbie support team here. I'm glad you found us. If you need any assistance with the board, please contact me

take care, Paula

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(((Katie)))) :aswelcomesu::youcanheal::notalone:

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I don't know what being in an abusive relationship is like but I can relate to the panic attacks and anxiety. You should feel very proud of yourself for being strong enough to leave your abusive relationships. I don't know if you take any medication but I take Zoloft and it has helped me tremendously. Its possible that it could help you too.

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You are very brave. I very much lucked into a nonabusive relationship after YEARS of nothing but. I didn't have the strength to make a conscious change, just some good luck. Someone like you who makes a conscious decision blows me away with your courage and conviction. Be very proud of yourself. Truly!

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Well every day of my last week with him he was watching something disturbing and daily would tell me he could or would kill me... I knew he eventually would an I had to get out....

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Welcome!

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