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alone85

I Have No Idea What Say?

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Hi im new to this site and dont know what to do or say? I guess I can just put why im here. I was abused by the man who was supposed to protect me for harm not the one to cause it. My father if I can call him that. My uncle sexual abused me from the age of 4 to 9 I never told my father as I was told he wouldn't believe me and I would get a beating for lying I believed it as I got beat for less. I never really got over my childhood and it showed into my teen years when I was 15 I sexual assaulted would of been rape if a woman hadn't heard me scream.I was told that talking to other victims may help me so I thought id give it a try.

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:sor: you have to be here, I have been helped enormously by the lovely people here, it is hard to write down what happened, only do so when you are ready :bighug::notalone::loveas:

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Hi, Im new here too, havent even shared my story. But I will say this, I thought I was past it, that because I buried the childhood abuse that I was ok. Unfortunately, here I am 45 years later and I'm just coming to terms with it now. I have only ever told 2 people my story, and that has only been in the past week. I don't know if one can ever be truly past it, or if we just bury it deep inside and pretend we are ok. I am tired of pretending and I am hoping that this forum will help.

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I am sorry you have to be here, but glad you are seeking support. There are amazing people on this board that have helped me feel a lot less alone and less crazy. I hope you find that here. I'm struggling with calling myself a survivor. I'll say it now, but I don't feel like it yet. Our stories are similar in the who and what as far as basics go. I don't know about ages of my childhood trauma... seven for a fact, but sure how long or anything. An uncle. And as a teen I was r*ped. Only I never screamed and no one ever new until I broke my silence years later. Until AS (I joined early September) only two people knew. Since other than AS I have told three more. So, AS is helping me talk about it.

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OutofhteAshes :youcanheal::notalone::sor: you have to be here, never in a million years did I think I could write things down for other people to see but I have, it has been enlightening, not alone here, we all unfortunately understand your pain. :bighug: if OK

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Hi, I'm new here too-it's taken me a while to post my introduction, and like you I find it hard to know what to say. I'm don't think I can talk about why I'm here at the moment, but I'm I found this place as after looking around it seems like a helpful, and I hope you find it helpful too.

Take care,

S x

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Hello alone85,

welcome to AfterSilence, my name is Paula, and I am one of the newbie support team here. I hope you are finding your way around the board okay, if you need any help please contact me

take care, Paula

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So here goes I dont know why im here I dont mean here as in this site but here still living! I was beaten black and blue by the very person who was supposed to be myprotector my father my earliest memory is him Hitting me for something I had done at the time I didnt know what it was he was hitting me with but I knew it hurt I would later find out it was a belt with a 4 inch metal buckle that he would heat up. This was my childhood my sister was never touched so I must of been a bad kid. I hate him but love him at the same time I mean hes my father and I must of deserved it he beat me so bad one time I was in icu for 6 weeks I was 7 years old sometimes I wish it had killed me to save me the pain of the years to follow but my dad said something that has stuck with me and maybe hes right he told me after I came out of icu that "even god doesnt want me or he would of took me when he had his chance" WHY AM I STILL HERE?? 3 suicide attempts and yet im here still to suffer ALONE. theres no help out there for people like me I just wanted to share a few things and that's it thank you for those of you who have took the time to read this. This is all I can say as I dont think I can post anything else. Im just sad all the time I have no idea what to do im at the end and I cant see the light at the end of a very long tunnel.

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Welcome!

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