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Over the weekend, I took the opportunity to leverage my own voice on behalf of however many thousands if not millions were impacted by the horrifying behavior of Wells Fargo. I related and articulated on those regulatory-mandated recorded lines my own personal story (paraphrased) and how the financial sector itself perpetuates interpersonal violence. My point was... we are in a zero-trust arena in the field of cybersecurity. Two of their former retired employees exerted obnoxious and highly unprofessional behavior here at the local level, while maintaining their OWN retirement as well as InfraGard positions plus other board memberships. I don't tolerate 'the old boy network' with other women also siding with them --- because that hurts communities. It's deceptive, malicious and vengeful. Group mobbing the supposed weakest link because of disability challenges is perhaps the sickest thing I've had to endure. Banks as such at the Executive level will indeed continue to be berated directly and just maybe... it might kick in their brain cells into a new pattern. The 'war on terror' we purportedly fought inside the financial entities didn't quite catch our own bastard problem inside hurting Americans. I intend to change that. Have a great day!
When I was very young at the apartments we lived in when E and M first got married. I was maybe 2 or 3 years old. E aftershave got spilled. one of us dumped it down the toilet .I believe he used aqua Velva aftershave . That's the first time I recall him lining us up naked for interrogation. After much yelling on his part it was decided I did it. Hell I might've . I was laid across his lap naked and spanked. I'm getting flashes of other times I was beaten for something . I think that's when I started being blamed for everything that us kids did to anger him, because I was so small he would just use his open hand on me . Fists and the belt would come later . As I got older and the level of violence increased it was just the way we did things . my wife went and bought a container of Aqua Vega aftershave, smell is a good way to recall memories . I had it for about a month now and I will admit I am a little concerned of what will happen when I smell it . I have a memory of him either pushing M or punching her and knocking her down the stairs. She hit the wall so hard she put her head through it . these were apartments that were built previous to 1968 , so it wouldn't have been sheet rock. It would have been Lathe and plaster. That's considerably more solid then sheet rock. She's had multiple back surgeries since then . I remember from the first house her being in a full body cast . I can't help but wonder this is when the back problems started . I've always had the impression that my introduction into human sexuality was I caught the two of them having sex and he made me stand there and watch . I believe more then once. One of my "kinks" is watching people have sex. Not voyeurism but being in the same room and them aware I am there. But that also could be because of the Games. I remember me and my brother playing outside after dark , and him telling me to start looking at the apartments across the way so we could watch people having sex through the windows. Like I said I was very young I hadn't started Kindergarten yet , I don't believe he started kindergarten. This was the late 1960s . I believe that it would be unusual for children this young at ,that time, to be aware of sex. I remember the 3 of us bathing together. We were highly sexualized as children, I remember during one of the games on our first farm J said that we couldn't put our penises in her because she was worried we would pee and get her pregnant. I would have been 7 or 8. This was way before sex education at schools. I don't remember the birds and the bees talk but we were aware ,vaguely, of how babies were made. I did manage to recall a holiday, I remember getting lost on Halloween when we were out trick or treating. There's no real emotion attached to that memory , I remember later in the marriage when he would go on one of his rages or start pounding on me, I would pick a spot just pass his head and stare at it . I believe that even that young I was starting to disassociate with what was going on around me I'm getting flashes of mundane things too. Getting the old school bowl haircut. Playing. Things like that. I don't remember the move from the apartments to the first house . there are still great big chunks of my childhood missing but I'm working on it .
On the first farm we lived on I remember bailing hay. We were riding back to the barn on top of the hay wagon. The load collapsed and we fell off the wagon. I broke my feet in two places. I had to help reload the wagon and partially stack it in the barn before E would let M take me to the hospital. I really wasn't much help , I was an 8 or 9-year-old boy with a broken foot . But he felt he needed to toughen me up . I remember at the first house we lived at he would line the 3 of us naked from the waist down , yell while snapping his belt till he decided with one to punish. Usually me. I don't think he beat on J much, he was doing other things to her. I don't recall how long the naked line ups went on. When I talked to my brother the other night he told E beat on me more then the others because I was an instigator . So I guess it was alright then because if I just kept my mouth shut it won't have been as bad . I remembered three times that I instigated things, I have already spoken about when he tried to drown me . On the first farm , he would line us up in the kitchen again naked from the waist down . One time he was screaming at us and told us that he wasn't our real father , use degrading language to describe us and then demanded that we call him by Mr. His Surname. So I did . He was displeased and that earn me a beating Another time he had us lined up , screaming at us he told us not to Breath without his permission . So I raise my hand , he was like what , and I asked "can I Breath now " yup that was a beating. I like to think I was doing it to draw attention away from them. If it wasn't a surprise backhand or a punch to the face , his preferred method of punishment was to bend me over naked on his lap and beat on me with a leather belt. He would always say" this hurts me more than it hurt you " I have a vague recollection , of him at least once, rubbing the welts with the palm of his hand in a soothing manner . Telling me he was only doing it for my own good. I can't help but feel that by doing that he was sexualizing the act. I remember I had nightmares as a child , of an adult man coming in to a darkened room to do bad things to me , I think they were nightmares , they may be memory fragments . I still don't remember much from the second farm, and very little from the last farm and the house we lived in after E left. I may repeat myself on this blog , as the longer it gets I may forget about what I've already spoken about . The timeline and events may change as the memories become clearer. I'm also beginning to realize that I have very few memories with my mother in them most of them are of E or us kids I'm trying to maintain a clinical detachment for these memories , yeah that's not working .
E put on little fights for his amusement. He would have me and A beat on each other . From what I've been told as we got older he involved our cousins in it. One of my earliest memories is of me punching on another child . I was probably just a toddler . It was at the apartments we lived at just after E and M got married. I think this because I remember riding a tricycle, breaking potty training, and being beat for it . Another time I remember , I was maybe five or 6, me and A squaring off in the backyard of the first house we live in. In our underwear for a fistfight wrestling match At the same house during a different fight A flipped to be over his shoulder and I broke my collarbone. Another time I remember is being hung by my feet from the rafters in the garage and a bunch of other children taking turns punching me in the stomach . I fell off the slide sometime after this got a TBI I think that's why the memories are fuzzy .