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Found 7 results

  1. I do try to nurture myself. I have my hobbies that I am starting to get back into. I exercise and try to eat healthy. I try to do things for myself. Always looking for ways to better myself, which I feel is a form of nurture - to nurture those things that make me, me. Reaching out for support would be a NO. I attend SIA - 12 step meeting for Survivors of Incest. I get to hear other survivors struggles and hope and I get to share...when I can bring myself to. And I go to premarital counseling with my fiancée. But I do not have friends or a sponsor/fellow traveler that I reach out to for support. I usually hold it in till it just spills over and I share with my spouse or my adult daughter. I could say that I go to her for support.
  2. I'm new to this site and haven't posted much but one thing I can tell you all is we are all damaged in one way or another . But another thing I have learned is when we let our abusers keep us from doing something with our friends or when they take a smile from us they are getting miles on us , and as long as we let them they will continue to take those miles away from us . There are people out there in this world that can't live with out hurting others in one way or another , there the ones taking our miles . My damage was done so long ago but recently started getting triggered . I almost missed some wonderful memories with my gran-kids because i was in the store and heard a man laugh . I didn't know that man but yet the man that had done what he did to me all those years ago was still getting miles on me . we have to just say stop . I know its not easy I have lived the nightmare for over 40 years , the triggers just bring more ugliness out . But I'm not letting him take any more from me . I know how it feels to be triggered but think about it , just stop and breath and let the moment pass . I'm sure there are a lot of you missing out on life . Take your life bake . See a therapist or counselor . don't live your life in fear and wake up 40 years later and realize the boogy men are all dead and you have been hiding from nothing . I know its real , trust me . from the age of about 4 until 11 or 12 I know how real it is . If this is offensive to anyone in anyway I'm sorry . I think we should all life each other up and hold each other up . We all get tired from standing so lean on each other , lean on me if you need to . I almost gave up and gave in . I have to much to live for and to much to offer my grand kids for that . I cant let my abusers take another mile , I'm taking them all back with a smile on my face and a happy song in my heart . Safe hugs to you how feel its okay .
  3. Hello

    Hi everyone, I am here as a woking single mother, a survivor of rape, domestic violence and physical assault. Somethings are clear, and some are still a little unclear. I would like to express my thoughts and feelings here in safe environment.
  4. Hey all! I am new to After Silence. Just under a week ago my best friend told me that he had been abused when he was about ten years old by his 17 year old brother. I'm the only person he's ever told and the only person who knows. He's struggling with a lot of the typical issues like blaming himself and feeling bad for the ways he reacted to it. He thinks that it is his fault because he was too weak, too trusting, and too easy. He happened to share a room with his brother and still does, so obviously none of this is true. He was groomed and was only in that situation because they shared a room and he was the youngest sibling for his brother to take advantage of. He thinks something is wrong with him for having enjoyed that time with his brother and for reacting to it in the way that he did. Overall, he's doing exceptionally well and has even forgiven his brother all on his own but he tends to think that it's just him. He continuously compares his trauma to other people and says that what happened to him isnt as bad as what has happened to other people. He thinks his reactions to his abuse are abnormal. I was hoping maybe some other men on the site would be willing to share their stories so I could show them to him. He isn't willing to talk to anyone but me, but he is willing to read other survivors stories and the reactions they had. I think it will help him to realize that the way he reacted is very typical and that it doesn't matter that he was trusting, it still doesn't make it his fault. I would also welcome any advice you have for me as his sole support!! I know typically we aren't supposed to ask questions but he can't talk about what has happened very much yet and has responded very well to questions. He actually prefers them because then I know, and can know how to better support him, but he doesn't have to say the words. TIA!
  5. Flashback

    After my first blog post where I sequentially and in detail wrote down what had happened to me, I had what I can recall as my first true flashback. I had never spoke the specific to the events to anyone before. For years I suffered with replaying my assault in my head, over and over. I always thought that these were "flashbacks," but I was wrong. That night after my first post, as I was lying in bed trying to sleep, I was there. With the lights off, I could see his pale skin reflecting the moon and feel him behind me, like I was waiting for him to touch me. I could even feel his breath on my neck. I was no longer in my room but the room where it happened. In the dark everything was rearranged to the set up of that night. But the worst part was that it didn't feel like I was remembering it, but that I was about to relive it, that it was about to happen again. I didn't even want to write this because of negative response my mind seemed to have by laying everything out, but today I am feeling dislocated again, and I am scared what is going to happen when I lay down tonight with the lights off. It has been years since my experience and I don't want it to feel fresh again. I guess I just don't know what to do when this happens. I asked my boyfriend to come over the last time so that I would have something/someone to make me remember where I am and that I am safe. I love him and he is the only man I am able to trust, but I went through a period where he was supporting me so much that I could feel it hurting him. I'm not afraid of him leaving me for this, but I want to know how I can feel strong and present on my own.
  6. Encouragement

    If you healing from sexual assault and you get out of bed in the morning, You are doing well. If you healing from sexual assault and you hold down a job, You are amazing. If you are healing from sexual assault and and you are still remotely pleasant to others, You are a lot nicer than me. If you are healing from sexual assault and you cannot always be there for a friend, You are still a good friend and a strong enough person to know what is best for you. If you are healing from sexual assault, and find it difficult to care for yourself, but still find the strength to care and love your family than you are strong as well. If you are healing from sexual assault and you decide to tell your story, You are brave. If you are healing from sexual assault and you decide that you are not ready to tell your story, You are also brave. If you are healing from sexual assault and you cry daily or have nightmares, You are normal. If you are healing from sexual assault and seeing happy, healthy people makes you sad, angry, jealous and worse, Join the club. If you are healing from sexual assault and you decide to press charges against your perpetrator, You have incredible courage. If you are healing from sexual assault and you cannot or choose not to press charges against your perpetrator, Your perpetrator is still the one to blame, and you are smart for knowing what you can handle. If you are healing from sexual assault and think that what happened was your fault, You are wrong, but you are not alone. If you are healing from sexual assault and are jealous that some survivors put their abuser in jail, You are one of many. If you are healing from sexual assault and feel like your significant other truly understands and is 100% supportive, He or she is rare and a keeper. If you are healing from sexual assault and you have a good support system, It will help A LOT. If you are healing from sexual assault and you don't have enough people who understand what you are going through, I strongly recommend joining a support group. If you are healing from sexual assault and were not believed or supported when you found the courage to tell, You still deserve to be heard, no matter how long ago it was. If you are healing from sexual assault and you feel like you hate your body, Remember your spirit is held within your body. If you are healing from sexual assault and feel painfully alone and isolated, Please know that there are thousands of people healing with you in spirit. If you are healing from sexual assault and there are days where the only thing you are able to do is exist, Remember, we are existing with you till you can live again. If you are healing from sexual assault but still looking to the future, You are a survivor. -anonymous
  7. New And Supported:)

    Hi, I'm newbeginnings21. I was attacked on Aug 31, 2013 and after weeks of dark and despair and loneliness, decided to seek out some support and love from other survivors.This is my first day posting and having full access here. I have posted a lot since i've had so much pent up, but I just want to say thank you to everyone who has replied, messaged me, and talked to me in chat. I feel so welcome and like I'm not just a random poster who will never have her stories read. You guys are awesome. Thank you.
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