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This memory resurfaced last night while trying to fall asleep in bed. I think I was 15 and my sister was 10 at the time. It was Sunday morning. We were getting dressed to go to our Sunday Meeting at our usual place of worship. My mom was out of town for the weekend. My father is the coordinator of elders (equivalent to a church’s pastor). He said we needed to leave in 10 minutes. I came downstairs ready. I walked into the kitchen, where he was straightening his tie. He made some remark to me about something I’d done wrong. To this day, I cannot remember the subject of conversation. I just remember him getting upset, and me saying something angrily back. I can’t remember why I had the gall to even challenge my father knowing how he was. All I remember was saying something he thought was disrespectful, and he reared back, and hit me across the face so hard, that my body slammed into the wall behind me, and I fell to the ground. I can’t remember whether I blacked out for a minute or not. I opened my eyes and the room was spinning. I was seeing what looked like glitter in my vision. My left ear was ringing. Apparently, the clock on the wall behind me had fallen to the floor when my body hit the wall. So dad was picking it up and hanging it back on the wall. Dad walked back over, now standing over me, telling me to get up and let’s go. I didn’t even cry. I was just trying to digest what just happened, and get my bearings. I got myself up, straightened my dress, and composed myself to leave. Then he noticed the bruise he left on my face. I assured him I would cover it with makeup, and switch my hair to the other side of my face, to cover the swelling. He was silent. My sister was peering from the top of the stairs, but looked too afraid to say a word. We got in the car, and dad began driving. I was still holding my head because I was still dizzy. Dad glances over. I think it is setting in just how hard he hit me. He started crying which I’ve never seen him do. He said “if you need to tell the elders, I would understand.” I was confused, because he’d hit me before and left marks. But what was different this time? I don’t know… All I know, was he was crying and wouldn’t look me in the face. I don’t know what came over me. I think I was surprised to see a gentler side of him. I started looking down and tearing myself. I said, “No daddy, that’s ok. I won’t tell anyone. I know you didn’t mean it. It was an accident.” I don’t get it… I’d had all this anger toward my dad for years of physical and emotional abuse. The very moment he gives me the opportunity to turn him in, I couldn’t do it. I knew it would destroy him if I reported him to the elders. He would lose his prized position as the lead, and they would be obligated to report him to social services. I couldn’t let that happen. As much as I hated him, I also loved him. So I wiped my tears, he wiped his, and we composed ourselves to walk into our place of worship before God, like nothing had ever happened. My dad walked in greeting members with such care and concern, and got ready to appear before the congregation to talk about God. Meanwhile, I could barely hear out of my left ear, my head was still throbbing in pain, and I began to feel sore spots from where my body hit the wall and then the ground. I took a deep breath, and played my role with grace for the congregation as everyone expected… daddy’s perfect daughter, the elder’s daughter.
My Story I don't remember the exact age I almost want to say I was 18. I was sold in an online auction to some guy in Aussie. For those who don't know what Aussie means it means Australia. The guy paid half of my price promising to pay the rest. Well the rest never came. Now these guys were stalking me and the suggestion is it was someone who worked at the group home I was in who helped drug me and take me to a condo by some beach. I remember the beach smell. They tied me up and beat me with a belt and called me derogatory names. I wasn't really coherent because of the drugs I was given. Then they took turns sexually assualting me. The thing that gets me the most is the fact they sat me in the shower and bathed me while the shower was in my face. I somehow got back in the middle of the night during the night shift. Thats the basics of what happened. without the vulgar and gross details. Now i struggle to do a lot of things that I used to do.Showering/taking a bath is so hard for me. I am scared of males I don't know. I get scared of dark SUV's and Dark small cars. I feel like they took everything from me. I feel like this constant battle of anxiety. There are days I don't want to get out of bed. It's complicated how I feel.
Hello all. I have awoken from my slumber. I am a victim of inhumane physical, sexual, and emotional abuse. I am also a kidnapping victim. I wrote a poem for myself and maybe, it will help others. I don' tknow where to turn or what to do. Here's my poem, to help others, maybe. I will come back for you. I know how frightened you are, I can hear you screaming, I know how confused you soon will become, they did this. I know the tip of the needle will hurt you so badly, And I know that your going to lose your life even if you don't. I know your nights are filled with terror and tears, I know all you want to do is love so much, The are going to steal it from you without you even knowing. They are going to take your soul and drag it through hell. It matters not how far your thrown, The words you hear tomorrow will hurt you but not defeat you. They will take your humanity and throw in a closet like an old coat, They will take your joys because their yours, not theirs. Fear not, young man, the tears that are falling ARE yours, Do not fret hiding in the leaves, you, one day, will remember the rolling clouds fondly. Draw and write as much as you can until that too is gone, You will again, one day pick up your pen and write this poem . You are not theirs and their belts, their needles and their insults won't change that, You are going to suffer while you hang in your closet, do not fear it: I am with you. You are going to lose all the things they hate about you. Soon, very soon, you will be nothing more than an animal in the dirt. You will soon, lose what mind they failed to crush, You will suffer in ways you can't even imagine yet, my heart breaks for you. You will be robbed of your very humanity and turned into scum, You will lose everything but it's not your fault. You will hurt others not because your your the devil but because you were told you were the devil. Fear not, young man, they aren't your fists and there not your sins. You will hold onto the dreams they give and then take away, I know you won't listen to me now and that's ok. You will not die in the dark but you will suffer in it, You can't hear my voice and you will only hear their screams. I love you more now then I ever will, you will one day be safe, Do what you must to survive in the flames, I will come back for you. Michael 1/29/2015