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Found 23 results

  1. fawkes&

    Be Brave

    When I read back and I think about what I have been through, it hurts, it causes me great pain. I guess I try and pretend to myself that not all of it was real, that it didn't happen that rather it was perception of my imagination. But, the truth is it was my reality, and it still is. You can’t hide from the pain, because if you do, you block yourself off from feeling the happy moments where doctors go out of their way to help you, where nurses great you with warm smiles, where counsellors and friends are always always there for you, the feeling you get when you receive the best hug, the times you laugh at the stupidest things,the challenges you face, that when you look back make you realise just how strong you truly are. You have to live, through all of it. It’s been rough, really rough, and in my head I still can not really come to the terms that I have gone through everything and I am where I am right now, in the library , applying for med school. I am trying to say, that when all seems lost, when it seems as though you’ll never get out of the dark place, you will, you just have to believe. Be brave. Take that leap. I am still haunted everyday by every emotion but they no longer consume me. I am further than I was before and I am proud of myself, one step at a time I am getting there. You can’t skip the chapters, that’s not how life works. You have to read over line, feel every emotion, meet every character. Not, all of it will good. Some chapters will be hell and make you cry for weeks. Some chapters will make you ache, the pain will be so bad you want to stop reading. But, you have to keep reading. You have to keep believing. Your stories will evolve, there will be sadness and pain, but there will be happy and brilliance, you have to keep reading, you have to keep turning those pages. This is your story. Live it.
  2. To believe that everyone cares and to find out that they really don't care is the worst way to feel. It's the worst feeling in the world. And you sit at home contemplating how your life even got to be a mess. You sit at your glass table by your laptop, attempting to spill your heart out - Although, this blog posting may only get one read or two. Reason why, because I'm that invisible girl that everyone knows me for. I'm that girl that can be easily passed by on the streets and everyone would assume she's okay when she's not. I'm that girl that has been through an incredible amount of pain and regret, yet nobody cares, or does not want to care. I'm that girl that has been banned from all support groups especially when that was the only help I had for myself. I'm that girl that can't quit assert herself and lets other take advantage of me. I'm that girl that will be used again and again and again - Nobody understands the hurt they have caused - Because it's a never ending cycle and to be completely honest is too hard. So we result to our mean ways - To be cruel. I'm that girl that you can manipulate and lie about just so you can please yourself and others. I'm that girl that has been sexually assaulted three times by individuals half my age. One time, by a sixty year old man. And as he lay on top of me, the only thought in my mind was this: "Why did I leave home?" If I hadn't of left my Mom's place, I wouldn't be in this mess. I wouldn't be struggling through addictions nor would I have burned all these bridges with different organizations that now hate my guts - And I hate them too. I'm that girl that you can mock and mock and mock and nobody would stand and do or say anything. Just for the fun of it. I'm like a doll. You can easily manipulate and torture me in whatever way possible. Because it's easier that way. Because this is the way our society is. I'm that girl that endlessly cries in hope that someone hears. However, we're in the middle of nowhere with trees and bushes and nobody can hear. Even if I scream, nobody can hear. The closest sign of civilization is about three hours away walking distance, up at a local convenience store. But whose going to care? That's right - Nobody. I'm also that girl that does not deserve any help whats so ever. I deserve to wallow in my tears and die because that's all I'm good at; this is my destiny. Sometimes I wonder if I'm cursed or something from all the hurt I've done to others in the past and even today. Sometimes I wonder if I deserve all of these horrible things happening to me. Often, I believe this may be the case. As much as I don't want to believe it, I know it's true. I'm cursed and known to be invisible by everyone. I can't wait until the next guy abuses me... AGAIN. ~
  3. So Hello, I am new, I am hopeful, I am MrPep. I feel like our cruise ship capsized and I finally washed up on this Island. I'm looking for My spouse I know she is around here somewhere. I am looking at all these new faces, what's interesting is I know every single one of you, I love you all and I feel at peace for once. Thank you for having me.
  4. Hi, I'm newbeginnings21. I was attacked on Aug 31, 2013 and after weeks of dark and despair and loneliness, decided to seek out some support and love from other survivors.This is my first day posting and having full access here. I have posted a lot since i've had so much pent up, but I just want to say thank you to everyone who has replied, messaged me, and talked to me in chat. I feel so welcome and like I'm not just a random poster who will never have her stories read. You guys are awesome. Thank you.
  5. I'm trying to write again in hope that it will unhinge something about myself that I haven't understood before. I was raped as a child, as a teenager and as a woman. There were things that happened to me that I don't understand the effects of just yet, but I hope that on this long overdue journey of recovery I will begin to understand, accept and move forward in one piece/peace. I am in a relationship now, he is a wonderful man with his own demons that he is battling. I have a 3 year old son from another relationship. It is the love that I have for these two boys that make me want to be better, I want to love them both and be loved at the highest capacity that my mind is capable. Not only because it is what they deserve but because it is what I deserve. There is a place in my mind that I go to, the hurt that travels from my stomach to my throat, then to my stomach, then to my throat again. Many of you know this place all too well. It's where we go when we are exposed to vulnerable situations, when we are triggered. A place that I go to far to easily. It is a security blanket of guilt and memories that although is the bane of my existence, I use as an excuse not to live my life. Fortunately I have learnt how to remove myself from this place. Somedays it harder than others, somedays it's only momentary. What I aim to eventually do is to never feel the need to go to this place again. Although its hard to admit what I'm about to say, but I really do need this place. I need it to hide behind every bad decision that I've made, to not be accountable for my sadness today. It has been 13 years. I was robbed of many things, but I will not rob myself of the happiness that I can feel today.
  6. VintageCrayon

    Infinite Love

    Love is forever, knows no end, Let's talk about how it begins... Before our time it does transcend. Love is forever, knows no end, I fell in love with my best friend Death can't kill the feelings within. Love is forever, knows no end, Let's talk about how it begins...
  7. To all you singles in the cyber world Who think you know all the risks and dangers I'm sure you've heard all the horror stories About the online fatal attractions And you probably have at least one friend Who's had a long distance relationship Maybe you've been told those rarely work out But you're still harboring a secret hope Well I'm one of the few success stories And this long distance stuff isn't easy Everyone figures the distance is tough But they only focus on the lovers It's assumed one of them will move closer And they'll live happily ever after But it's not a sacrifice for nothing The separation never seems to end See, you're either away from each other Or you're away from family and friends The life that you've known doesn't move with you Your heart can be in two places at once But your body can only be at one
  8. VintageCrayon

    Ode To Mother

    Dear mother - this loving ode is for you To relate to your ears how my heart feels An attempt to convey the gratitude Regular conversation might conceal I'm convinced without possible question No daughter could be as lucky as I Your loyalty shone through your depression You've always been there, my faithful ally My sister and I, how lucky we are To be so well loved without condition And many thanks can only go so far For all the time you spent in the kitchen So mother this is your dedication: My appreciation for all you've done "I love you" expresses adoration In this loving ode I've barely begun.
  9. VintageCrayon

    A Life Partner

    Is there really a point in living life, If we have no one with whom to share it? Living can suck without husband or wife To credit your daily life with merit. We need someone to listen to our stress: Calm down our anger, console our grief, To celebrate with us in our sucess, And after a rough day, be our relief. To whom else can we turn when life's unfair, When everything's wrong and we need a friend? To comfort us when it's too much to bare, We need someone on whom we can depend. We need someone to tell our daily tales, To be there for us through both thick and thin, To take care of us when we're sick and pale, And keep us away from the looney bin. Living alone lacks a certain substance: We can't validate our own existence. A partner can give our life abundance, Because to our lives we need a witness.
  10. Relationships are like a rose Fragile, beautiful - with some thorns If neglected, will decompose Relationships are like a rose The more you care, the more it shows And weathers better through the storms Relationships are like a rose Fragile, beautiful - with some thorns
  11. From the album: Keep Calm and Carry On

    He's such a cutie ^_^ I seriously enjoy this guy!
  12. From the album: Keep Calm and Carry On

    Ahhhh Arin Ilejay! I do so enjoy you live! He is the newest member(?) of Avenged Sevenfold. He is the drummer who is, in my opinion, doing the Rev justice behind a drumset. Welcome to the Family dude, I think you're perfect for the job! And remember, haters gonna hate, Bakers gonna bake.
  13. From the album: Keep Calm and Carry On

    The bone structure on this man is soooooooo fascinating hahahaha I adore this man WAY too much!
  14. From the album: Keep Calm and Carry On

    THOSE EYES!!!! (photoshopped here, but seriously, his green eyes are hypnotizing without photoshop) THOSE LIPS!!!! THOSE SNAKEBITES!!!! (which he has since taken out =( lol)
  15. From the album: Keep Calm and Carry On

    Also have a big crush on this guy! He is rather witty, and attractive in an off-beat way. When he smirks, I MELT! x]
  16. From the album: Keep Calm and Carry On

    Little Johnny Christ! x] Oh how the guys make fun of you! He's the best and the funniest in concerts! I always keep an eye on him cause he is ALWAYS up to no good!
  17. From the album: Keep Calm and Carry On

    M. Shadows is amazing! His voice is so powerful and so much fun to listen to. He has so much energy in concerts, and he is a great person. He always makes time for his fans, and I think that is admirable =) I wish I could sing half as well as him, or write songs like he can.
  18. From the album: Keep Calm and Carry On

    My musical idol. Genius song writer and all-around awesome person! RIP foREVer
  19. Loyally Tender Occasionally Observant Virtuous in hearty endeavors Endlessly being silently patient Ongoing respect truly essential Fervently essaying firey love Matrimonial these thoughts You ought to concieve of Lovingly, personify us Immaculately, play Faithfully forever Effortlessly ------------ Yours Ours Us
  20. Proud, arrogant, and conceited- Her first impressions of Mr.Darcy, She believed despite just having met. She had judged a book by its cover. He thought nothing of her, Miss Lizzy, A plain young lady he thought a bore, Unintelligent, uneducated she had to be, He had judged a book by its cover. Instantly hating him for his own words, For dividing her sister from her true love Her first impression proved stronger now She had judged a book by its cover. A longer look proved she had beauty, Listening to her proved her intelligence, Still he struggled with superior feelings, He had judged a book by its cover. A proposal soon was made by him, To which she promptly turned down, Thinking him an arrogant hypocrite, She had judged a book by its cover. He needed soon to change his ways, An opportunity soon presented itself: Helping Lizzy's family avoid scandal He had judged a book by its cover. A written explanation from him she recieved, An uncle revealing Darcy's' help with her family, His own doing reuniting her sister with her true love, She had judged a book by its cover. A second proposal soon was made, And he would not have to ask again, For this time Lizzy accepted his hand, No more judging a book by its cover.
  21. VintageCrayon

    Blissful Firsts

    I will never forget the blissful summer of '09 Love, fear, adrenaline bursting through my veins That was the summer I experienced my firsts: Relationship, love-making and lets not forget the planes My first time at an airport, I was going alone I was scared - that's for sure - but what could I do? The fear of crashing was there in the back of my mind At the end of my journey though - I knew there was you The zoo, the park, the golfing and bowling So much to do - and with such little time to spare The trip to the amusement park was a dream come true All the scary rides, the fun - there was love in the air Oh, my dear, how special you made me feel What a blissful experience that was to discover How bittersweet it was when I had to go back home To get back to the airport and have to leave you behind I didn't know if we'd make it as a couple, but even if not: I would never forget the summer of bliss in 2009.
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