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Found 12 results

  1. I don’t expect anyone to read this. About two years ago I realized I didn’t make it up. The feeling can all at once and it was overwhelming. Terrifying. Horrifying. I was filthy, dirty, disgusting, used goods and completely ALONE. I couldn’t cope so I pushed it back down, but I couldn’t make it stop. It was always there. Dull-fever pain. You can live with it, but it makes your life miserable. Back and forth. It resurges and I push it down. I get triggered and I ignore it, or I trigger myself and sit with the pain for hours. I had a box in my mind. A maybe-rape box. A box that
  2. rokcsjl

    Hello

    Hi everyone, I am here as a woking single mother, a survivor of rape, domestic violence and physical assault. Somethings are clear, and some are still a little unclear. I would like to express my thoughts and feelings here in safe environment.
  3. Dear Survivors, I am 26 years old. I suffered sexual abuse most of my childhood. I used to stare at the ceiling and just imagine being somewhere else when I laid on his bed being violated. That was my mental escape. I had gotten used to it so I never shed tears anymore. I just accepted it as being part of my life. I used to write journals as a method of helping me cope. I had a long list of questions some of which were: Why did you do it? Why me? Wasn’t your wife enough? What did I do to deserve it? I felt guilty. I felt ashamed. I was disappointed, angry and scared. The r
  4. Hello everyone, I'm Rain. I'm currently battling PTSD from my sexual assault, which occurred September 27th. I went to the police and reported the man who did it, and it's been a Hellish battle with the courts. He said he does not want to serve jail time, so it looks like we may end up going to trial. He has until July 27th to accept the plea bargain, which is 60 days in jail, or we go to trial in August. I feel betrayed, since it was my best friend's boyfriend... and she chose his side. Her whole family chose HIS side. Even her brother, who was also my best friend. I'm hu
  5. Hello! I am new to this. I am seeking some help, love and support from people who have faced similar challenges like me. I think it will benefit me to know that I am not alone and what happened to me was not my fault. I think this open communication will help me better cope with fear and anxiety I live in because of what was done to me. I have the lingering fear of being raped and abused again even though i know it's paranoia I feel. I need guidance and help get more support to better understand and cope with what happened to me. I never feel normal anymore yet considering what I've been throu
  6. sometimes i wish he had kill me. just finish the job he started. when i think about suicide i always feel the sting of the reminder "he won". i honestly have no idea why did he keep me alive, or if he ever wanted to, if the thought of killing me ever crossed his mind. but if it ever did, i shall not give him the satisfaction, he did his worse, and i will not lay a hand to silence me for good. i have never reported nor faced him with my accusations, but he knows damn well that i have the power, the upper hand, and if he ever to try my patience, i will look him in his eyes,
  7. So its been 16 months since i was last attacked. And honestly i cant get use to being safe. It scares me so much to be this way. Im so use to living every day wondering "will this be the day my mother kills me" or " will my uncle finally finish me off so i cant tell again". See my entire life has been one bad thing or another. My earliest memory is of my father sodomizing me. Then i have a mother who is not mentally stable and that's when shes sober. Which most of the time she was sober but she would have a week or two where she was a constant drunk. Being drunk and bipolar is not a good comb
  8. I was recently raped and I have no idea what to do.. I could really use someone to talk to.
  9. "Home is where the heart is." What does that mean? Is home not a physical place? Then why, when we are returning to our place of residence we are "going home..."? I'm just as guilty as anybody else. I call this place home, but why does it not feel like my home? Why do I not feel safe? If I decide that this is not my home, then what is? I have left myself emotionally homeless. Yes, I have a bed to sleep in, and a roof over my head, but I do not have a home. Will I ever?
  10. I dont know if I can type the hell of a day ive had im torn between writing it down and just keeping it inside. Guilty is one word id put. But the question is was it rape if I just stopped fighting?
  11. hi everyone. my name is rachel and i am 17 years old, 18 soon cant wait! anyways the reason i joined this page is because i recent started having flash backs and feeling terribly guilty for allowiong my attacker to get away with what he did but the reason i allowed him to was because he was my uncle and i love my granny very much and didnt have the heart to send her son to prison or whatever punishment he would have gotten for sexually abusing me. there are 5 female cousins including myself that are related to this man and it turns out he got to us all and i was the last girl he got to. he is
  12. I became a member almost 2 years ago. I have moved twice and always been able to access my account. Recently, I settled into my new home, and due to some issues, wanted to access the My Story section to add some to my story. I can not access that forum any long. I have messaged a moderator, but received no message. What is the best way to get this resolved?
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