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Found 9 results

  1. Hello, Looking to heal....

    Hello everyone, I'm Rain. I'm currently battling PTSD from my sexual assault, which occurred September 27th. I went to the police and reported the man who did it, and it's been a Hellish battle with the courts. He said he does not want to serve jail time, so it looks like we may end up going to trial. He has until July 27th to accept the plea bargain, which is 60 days in jail, or we go to trial in August. I feel betrayed, since it was my best friend's boyfriend... and she chose his side. Her whole family chose HIS side. Even her brother, who was also my best friend. I'm hurt. I'm angry. I'm attending therapy and trying to get my life back in order, but it is not easy. I've somehow landed a boyfriend after this incident and it has been a little bit rocky because I tend to lash out, get defensive and get upset. It's like I'm always on edge and need to pick fights over everything. And then there's my self esteem. I feel low, like dirt. I feel ugly. I've been spending money a lot to try and make myself feel better. I just want him in jail. I want everyone to see him for the monster that he is. It's hard because there was no physical evidence, and so, the police can only charge him with simple assault. I sometimes feel like there's winning... but I'm trying to have hope. I can't give up.
  2. Hello! I am new to this. I am seeking some help, love and support from people who have faced similar challenges like me. I think it will benefit me to know that I am not alone and what happened to me was not my fault. I think this open communication will help me better cope with fear and anxiety I live in because of what was done to me. I have the lingering fear of being raped and abused again even though i know it's paranoia I feel. I need guidance and help get more support to better understand and cope with what happened to me. I never feel normal anymore yet considering what I've been through it's normal for me to feel that way. If u have any knowledge that may help I am all ears! Along with support, advice, or encouragement anything beneficial would be nice!
  3. sometimes i wish he had kill me. just finish the job he started. when i think about suicide i always feel the sting of the reminder "he won". i honestly have no idea why did he keep me alive, or if he ever wanted to, if the thought of killing me ever crossed his mind. but if it ever did, i shall not give him the satisfaction, he did his worse, and i will not lay a hand to silence me for good. i have never reported nor faced him with my accusations, but he knows damn well that i have the power, the upper hand, and if he ever to try my patience, i will look him in his eyes, spit on him, and put him behind bars for as long as time. this is my fantasy, i am no warrior that i wish to be, i am just a scared little girl that likes to dream about revenge,. but the damage is done, no court or judge will ever bring me what i have lost within his greedy flesh so i guess all is left to dream.
  4. Safe But Estranged.

    So its been 16 months since i was last attacked. And honestly i cant get use to being safe. It scares me so much to be this way. Im so use to living every day wondering "will this be the day my mother kills me" or " will my uncle finally finish me off so i cant tell again". See my entire life has been one bad thing or another. My earliest memory is of my father sodomizing me. Then i have a mother who is not mentally stable and that's when shes sober. Which most of the time she was sober but she would have a week or two where she was a constant drunk. Being drunk and bipolar is not a good combination. Then my fathers youngest brother r***d me from the time i was 7 till just 16 months ago, (I'm 20 now). And no matter who i told no one ever cared or helped me. I was made to look like a liar and unstable. I do openly admit (though i don't always come out and say it) that i do suffer from Complex PTSD. but that doesn't make me unstable. I don't know how to live "safe" and its becoming apparent that my body is always going to be in that " danger around every corner" mode. As for the last few weeks I'm unable to sleep due to horrendous nightmares that refuse to let up and I'm getting to a point that i desperately want to be normally. But i seriously am starting to doubt that i can ever be that. I feel like damaged materials that can never be repaired....
  5. In Need Of Answers

    I was recently raped and I have no idea what to do.. I could really use someone to talk to.
  6. Where Is Home?

    "Home is where the heart is." What does that mean? Is home not a physical place? Then why, when we are returning to our place of residence we are "going home..."? I'm just as guilty as anybody else. I call this place home, but why does it not feel like my home? Why do I not feel safe? If I decide that this is not my home, then what is? I have left myself emotionally homeless. Yes, I have a bed to sleep in, and a roof over my head, but I do not have a home. Will I ever?
  7. Day 2 With My Rapist

    I dont know if I can type the hell of a day ive had im torn between writing it down and just keeping it inside. Guilty is one word id put. But the question is was it rape if I just stopped fighting?
  8. My Passwords?

    I became a member almost 2 years ago. I have moved twice and always been able to access my account. Recently, I settled into my new home, and due to some issues, wanted to access the My Story section to add some to my story. I can not access that forum any long. I have messaged a moderator, but received no message. What is the best way to get this resolved?
  9. hi everyone. my name is rachel and i am 17 years old, 18 soon cant wait! anyways the reason i joined this page is because i recent started having flash backs and feeling terribly guilty for allowiong my attacker to get away with what he did but the reason i allowed him to was because he was my uncle and i love my granny very much and didnt have the heart to send her son to prison or whatever punishment he would have gotten for sexually abusing me. there are 5 female cousins including myself that are related to this man and it turns out he got to us all and i was the last girl he got to. he is a taxi driver and i see him sometimes with young girls some my age some 11-13 (ages he abused me at) in the back of his taxi cab and i just got scared wondering is he touching them too.. i am just here to talk to people who know how i feel to know that i am not alone and there are some good people out there.
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