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Found 3 results

  1. Sometimes I feel like I made the whole thing up. I think this is partly because I don't want to believe this happened to me and partly because no one believed me, or if they did they didn't seem to care. It wasn't a "violent" rape, it's as di*k head Robin Thick says a matter of "blurred lines." But now I know the lines were clear. I said no to multiple advances, to the point where my friends were telling him to leave me alone. All night he wanted me to drink more, and when I thought he was leaving me alone, he was really waiting for me to be drunk enough to not realize where I was. After writing my story in detail, I realized how real my experience is. It saddens me that so many beautiful girls, women, and men will be victims of rape and not even let themselves believe it. Believe there is a real reason why they feel violated, lost, empty, depressed. I wish I could tell them I believe them. Because despite what the media says, nearly all reported cases of sexual assault are real. So can we please begin supporting victims. Can we please tell them their feelings, their memories, and their lives are legitimate.
  2. MyselfAndI

    Flashback

    After my first blog post where I sequentially and in detail wrote down what had happened to me, I had what I can recall as my first true flashback. I had never spoke the specific to the events to anyone before. For years I suffered with replaying my assault in my head, over and over. I always thought that these were "flashbacks," but I was wrong. That night after my first post, as I was lying in bed trying to sleep, I was there. With the lights off, I could see his pale skin reflecting the moon and feel him behind me, like I was waiting for him to touch me. I could even feel his breath on my neck. I was no longer in my room but the room where it happened. In the dark everything was rearranged to the set up of that night. But the worst part was that it didn't feel like I was remembering it, but that I was about to relive it, that it was about to happen again. I didn't even want to write this because of negative response my mind seemed to have by laying everything out, but today I am feeling dislocated again, and I am scared what is going to happen when I lay down tonight with the lights off. It has been years since my experience and I don't want it to feel fresh again. I guess I just don't know what to do when this happens. I asked my boyfriend to come over the last time so that I would have something/someone to make me remember where I am and that I am safe. I love him and he is the only man I am able to trust, but I went through a period where he was supporting me so much that I could feel it hurting him. I'm not afraid of him leaving me for this, but I want to know how I can feel strong and present on my own.
  3. Can I open up to you? The can of worms sat undisturbed on the top shelf in your bedroom But can I speak with you? Words left undone I’m overrun Gold thread left un-spun What is there left to do? The spindle lays down useless; how could we get stronger through this? I deserve to know what the goddamn truth is Or what truth may be today- But tomorrow it may change The heart is clay (washed away) As you present your sins in chains to be slain Finally I state: “Don’t insult my intelligence- for I have felt more deeply than you ever have in your moments of weakness.” To that, what would you say? Clarity is the direct result of pain If I could I would sit down forever and watch you on replay Going away, slowing the day, dreams starting to fray Like you would give a fuck I must have been a tiny sliver of your life that you flushed down the pipe and refused to think of. I should give up- but damn. I guess that’s ok, I could give every piece of you away if only (if only) I didn’t Love Now begins the final verse of giving up, But I will sit on this stool and pour my soul into these six strings Write a song about destiny- the flame’s smoke hit my lungs on repeat Never felt more misunderstood-no clue how to handle such huge things The burden on my back is weighing me down relentlessly Single notes always lack when I’m drowning in this symphony But who cares? No, really- who gives a shit at all When we’re eye to eye in silence- waiting for the draw The trigger on your finger looks like it’s about to give A moment from the end of a life that has not yet been lived Stretch me ‘till the silence ends or until my bones begin to break Is this the theft of mortality- or the final “Give & Take?”
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