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Found 1 result

  1. Hello all, I just wanted to make a first post to give a brief story about what's happened and what I'm currently going through. I am a now 23-year-Old woman who suffered abuse when I was a child into my early/mid teens. I never really got the support I needed from family or even friends, even when I did finally come forward and tell them what happened. I know now that many people just don't know how to react or handle learning something like that themselves but because of that, I've lived a life full of negative choices and regret. I can't blame my abuser any more for what has happened in my life because it was still me making the decision to do those things because I wasn't strong enough to really want better for myself. It's easier to give up than to give all of your energy and effort to something, but that is no excuse. I finally made the decision that I need to change. I'm currently married to an amazing man who always wants the best for everyone, even if he's a little off-putting sometimes, which I would tend to misconstrue as an attack and in turn would become aggressively defensive myself. I've taken him for granted and I've done many things, some very big things, to completely betray his trust and his feelings. We have a son together, he is 3 years old now and he is the light of my life, or at least, I love him as much as I could possibly love someone, but I'm not sure anymore that I truly know what it means to love someone because I've done so much wrong in my life. My son is too young to understand what's going on or what had happened, and for the most part he was never exposed to any of it or directly affected by my choices. I don't want to be this person anymore. I want to know what it's like to be a functioning and motivated human, instead of having no drive to even get out of bed half the time. I need to do this for me, and more importantly for my husband and son. They need me to be a supportive partner and mother. When I'm down I drag them down too. I want to be able to lift us all higher. I want all of us to be happy again.
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