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Found 6 results

  1. One of the hardest parts of being abused was isolation. I felt cut off from the world. I felt like everyone else in the world is more valuable than me, I was ashamed for wasting their time on me. I was worthless, and they were so successful. They seemed so confident and in control and competent. I was jealous honestly. And I understand my jealousy. I would think, their problems are so small. Additionally, and perhaps much more powerful was my feeling of degradation because I knew I couldn't control my penis, my desire to masturbate while they all seemed to be in complete control. Not only that
  2. I was scrolling through Reddit. "What's one thing you wish you'd never gone through?" Ahh, AskReddit, the deeply philosophical subreddit. One of my favorites. I paused before I wrote. "I was a victim of domestic violence from sixteen to eighteen," I began. "It's made me a better therapy student," I admitted, "but I could do without the lingering anxiety and PTSD." For the first time in therapy a few weeks ago, I had acknowledged that I wasn't sorry the abuse had happened. I wouldn't wish it on anyone - ever - but for myself, I have learned things about myself and my world a
  3. I've been going along to get along for too long. I need to stop gritting my teeth through sex. I need to say no when I'm screaming inside instead of going through the motions. I feel like if I say anything to stop anything, I'll be left alone, because I'll be worth nothing as a partner. The shame is unbearable. I would like to think I've moved on, but deep down I still genuinely feel like my worth is purely sexual. Like depriving my partner is a cardinal sin and it is my job to please a man even when I feel sick to my stomach. Even when i already feel like throwing up, i ne
  4. Hi there. This is my first post. I found aftersilence after my therapist suggested I find an online community where I can post anonymously and connect with other survivors. I'm currently struggling with Complex PTSD symptoms and awakening to the fact that I was sexually abused by my teacher when I was 12 years old. The abuse happened repeatedly over the period of a full year. I repressed the whole thing for 11 years, and was suddenly hit with a flashback at the age of 23. I've struggled with my mental health since I was 18 and I'm just beginning to understand why. I now understand all of my me
  5. Hello, I am new to this group. This is my first post. I was raped 29 years ago at the age of 18. I delt with it by blaming myself for getting drunk. (Now, I know that's not true, he is the one who took from me what I did not give. He is to blame.) I never reported it, never told my parents. For reasons I can't explain, it's coming up and out now. I am feeling the pain, fear, and panic of my 18 year old self, NOW. The nice people at rape call centers didn't know what to do to help me. I am having trouble finding people like me. Who understand how and why I was able to keep all t
  6. I will not go into graphic details of any sort here, but there may be some triggers for SI, suicidal thoughts, and possibly for swearing, because I don't have the energy to censor myself tonight. Sometimes I sleep. Usually people have to encourage, cajole, beg, demand, insist or outright force me to do so, but sometimes I just sleep. Sometimes I can be convinced or can convince myself, for months on end, to sleep every night like a good girl, regardless of the horror I find myself facing, or the bruises and scratches I wake up with at times, or the periodic full days of feeling exactly as I di
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