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Found 59 results

  1. Hi folks I've been a member for a short while now, just reading different corners of this forum, it feels I have found a safe space to share my experiences. It has been difficult to find support, especially as some of my most recent experiences involved a long-term friend I thought I could trust. I have been put on a waiting list for counselling support with a dedicated rape crisis service since last November with no signs of a date to receive support yet. This makes me feel forgotten about, or like my feelings don't matter, or that what happened to me is something easy to shrug off and continue on from. Something I'm sure I'm not alone in feeling. A little about me - I love my cat, saxophone and drag queens. I have started a career in health and social care because it matters to me that people are able to live full lives and reach their potential (something I feel I deserve as well). While I enjoy my job I have noticed its been hard for me to fully engage and be my unguarded, authentic self. I think it has a lot to do with the anger and confusion surrounding what happened to me, and its hard to move on and connect with others when part of me worries if somewhere down the line they're going to hurt me. I hope I can find support and help here, and one day be healed from these traumas.
  2. Hello there! I’m Shannonnie, and I’m thankful to be here! A little about me? I’m married to a great man, a mother of teen boys, and we have fur babies too. I work in food service and enjoy interacting with our customers. I’m an amateur gardener, rookie hula hooper, and enjoy DIY projects. I enjoy photographing nature & life, and I enjoy writing. I have been recovering from the abuse for 21 years. I recently started searching for online support networks after a total meltdown. During this episode, as I call them, I recognized ways that the trauma is impacting my current life. I realized I need to find others who I can relate to. My husband is ever so supportive, but we both recognize that he can’t quite grasp the emotional turmoil. I recently started EMDR earlier this year. The pandemic has made this challenging as I could not do therapy for a few months. I require a neutral space for therapeutic processes, so doing therapy via phone or video was not an option for me. The diagnosis’ I have received are C-PTSD, Major Depression, Anxiety. Life is a daily battle, but I’ve made it through 100% of my bad days so I would say that is a win. I’m hopeful that being here will be beneficial. ❤️ ~S
  3. Garnet


    Just wanted to say hello! My therapist recommended this website to me. I am still confused and have a lot of conflicting feelings (and terrible feelings) about what happened to me, but I am happy to be here. I've read through a lot of information so far, and everyone seems very supportive. Thank you all for making and being a part of such an important community!
  4. "Hi there" seems like an awkwardly cheerful way to introduce myself on this particular forum but I think it's fitting since I am often both awkward and cheerful. My name is Myra. I'm part of the lgbtq+ community and have been married for 6 years. I am currently working on both my PTSD and eating disorder recovery. My hobbies include doing whatever is a giant F U to the eating disorder, playing Harry Potter trivia, gardening and growing my own food, and lots of handicrafts to keep me busy like spinning yarn and painting. I am a pet person who, besides having a service dog for my PTSD, also has another dog, a cat, and an assortment of fish. Please enjoy these photos of my dogs. Two days ago I disclosed my trauma to my therapist, the first person I've ever told and something I've been hanging onto for fifteen years. I'm having A LOT of feelings about it, so I started looking for online support and that's how I got here. I guess I'm just hoping to feel less alone and abnormal. So hello everyone.
  5. Hi, I'm Time? I guess. (Warning: Sad vibes to follow) Talking about what happened online scares me. I know that it happened, but putting it into words feels like shattering whatever's left of the illusion that I am normal. I guess some part of me still hopes that I'm making it up. We all know I'm not. I just want to be free from this weight on me. Sometimes it feels like what happened is constantly lurking in the back of my mind, waiting for me to slip up so it can destroy me. I've talked to people about it, a lot of people. I know others with the same experiences, so why do I still feel so alone? I have friends that support me through anything, so why do I still feel like I'm drowning? I'm tired. We didn't deserve this. We deserved so much better. These are just my thoughts as I join this group, I hope it's not too sad for an introduction. Also, I'm non-binary. There wasn't an option for that when I joined so I just picked a gender. Sincerely, Time.
  6. I am not sure if I am posting correctly. But Hi, I guess I’ll go by T here please. My experiences were about 5 years ago. The worst one still affects me to this day in my relationship of 2 years and in my every day life. Ranging from panic attacks sourced from reoccurring memories or full on mental breakdowns from all of my emotions triggered by the flashbacks to issues with my current s*x life. It greatly affected my social life, my personal relationships, my home life, familial relationships- everything. I never dealt with the trauma because I never knew how to. I was seeing a therapist at the time but I told her nothing about the incidents because I was scared that she might tell my mother because at the time I was a minor and that my mother would get mad at me for it all. I also recently had a conversation with my mom about the president and the allegations against him. I asked her if I told her that someone who was running for office had taken advantage of me, would she believe me or still vote for them and she said that she would need proof from me first. To hear that from my own mother as a survivor was one of the most heartbreaking things she has ever said to me. I am with a therapist now, and I have informed her of my experiences, but she says the only solution is to pretend like my offender is sitting in a chair and “give him a piece of my mind” and to tell him how I feel about him and etc. When I told her that I don’t think that will help me and asked if there was anything else I could do, she basically told me no. Which is just another let down. I am feeling more hopeless than ever. I am stuck with this trauma and have absolutely no idea how to process it, deal with it, or most importantly heal from it. I have come here from a crisis counselor post on reddit. I am searching for something, anything that could help me get through this constant itch in my brain.
  7. Calliope


    Hello all, It seems polite to offer a quick introduction to the members of this forum, so I'm popping in to say hello. I'm here to - hopefully - gain a community. It's been years and years since I've been a part of a forum for survivors. I was 15 when I first joined one, on Livejournal, ha, and though I wasn't nearly ready to deal with the trauma that I had experienced then, I found it to be a place of support and encouragement. It was the only safe space that I had to share my experience with sexual abuse as a child. It was a place where I was told, "I believe you," and "it's not your fault," and "hang in there," and "it's time for you to become a survivor," which were invaluable words to a young neglected kid without a support system. Since then I have become an adult, gained and lost a religion, experienced trauma unrelated to sexual abuse, and spent untold hours in therapy and with self-healing books in the hopes of meeting my trauma face-on and using it to help others. Which is why I'm here - to return the favor that I experienced years ago on LJ, and to seek the support of those whose lives have also been impacted by sexual trauma. We are in this together. We are not alone. Thank you for letting me be a part of your community.
  8. Kaley


    Hello AS, I found this group online after looking for support. And I think this anonymous outlet is perfect. During quarantine I’ve just been feeling more alone and isolated with no one to relate to. I’m a more recent survivor like in February but some other things happened a while back too. Since feb I’ve been taking steps to heal but it’s really hard. I’ve already met with 2 different therapists and I’ve found they help me for a few sessions and then I just can’t continue and I’m not really sure why. Idk I want to heal but sometimes I feel like I can’t. I really just try to forget and push away but I guess I’m on here to work on healing. Also I saw that there are female-only forums. I’d like to be connected to that if possible.
  9. I've been dealing with recovered memories of childhood sexual abuse for a few years. My therapist recently suggested that a support group would be a good idea (and I agree with him) and since there aren't any groups currently meeting due to the pandemic, I thought I'd look online. I'm also trans (FTM) and have been looking for trans-specific support, so I'm glad to see that's available here. On the lighter side of things, I'm interested in history and art. I enjoy cooking, yoga, my spiritual practice, poetry, and being in nature.
  10. Hi there, I guess we can call me Panda. It's been almost exactly 10 years since my abusive relationship started, and now I'm older, away, and am raising a disabled child that has half of my abuser's genes. 6 yrs of custody battles later, and I'm still not over everything. Hoping joining a community will help me figure things out. How is everyone?
  11. Hi, I'm kashjack. I'm a nonbinary/transmasculine human. I have osdd which means I sometimes refer to myself as he and sometimes as she depending on who's at the front. Survivor or sexual abuse on and off from 2-26. Survivor also of rape, assault and emotional abuse. I have complex ptsd. I used to be on this forum I think, many years ago. Or at least I visited the page. I have come and gone in my recovery but right now is a hard time. I'm hoping that connecting might help me manage my constant flashbacks and battle with self harm. So that's me.
  12. sweeney


    Hello🌻 I'm brand new to the forum and figured I'd start with an introduction post. Without giving much information you can probably guess why I'm here. Hoping this will end up as a useful resource for me as I struggle a lot with what's happened to me. I'm not quite sure what else to put here. I guess some small facts about me are I'm currently studying biology. I have big interests in art and the paranormal. A little out there but quite fun for me.
  13. Hi everyone. This is first day on this forum and my second self-initiated post. Just wanted to introduce myself. I'm a 32 year old female from Canada and a survivor of a 24 year old childhood trauma. I was encouraged to find an anonymous community of support by my husband just to give myself a place to unwind and discuss my traumas with people who are not judging and can relate like others in my life cannot. I am thankful to have found this community and hope to share my story soon when I can find the words and the strength for it.
  14. Hello everyone, It's always been hard for me to reach out for help but a recent event has left me feeling trapped in my own head and unable to confide in anyone close to me. Just so we're not strangers: I'm 23 years old, identify as a ciswoman & pansexual, and love to create art whether it's a drawing or jewelry or a pair of mittens or a song on my ukulele. I live in my feelings. When I'm not doing social work (I'm much better at dealing with the emotional pain of others) I'm usually reading in my hammock soaking up the Texas heat or playing frisbee/soccer/etc or spending time being silly with my friends. My sign is Pisces and my favorite podcast is MFM (if you know, you know). The triggering event that brought me here happened just over this past weekend so although this isn't my first time embarking on a journey of healing from a sexual assault, this 2nd departure into the void hurts in a new & worse way so this is my first time seeking any kind of real help outside of myself and my best friends. I desperately need to escape my own psychological echo chamber and hear some voices of those that understand without having to provide so much excruciating explanation. Thank you for reading, Coral (a fitting nickname for a Pisces, given to me by my collegiate soccer team captains)
  15. Hi everyone, I just wanted to introduce myself quickly here as I’m brand new to this forum and although I’m a fairly anxious person by nature, I’m looking forward to coming out of my shell a bit and working through my stuff. A close friend of mine recommended this forum and by looking through quickly I can see how supportive and positive this space is! I’m a survivor of multiple assaults dating back ten years and have always put healing on the back burner until now. I look forward to the next steps in my journey and getting to connect with fellow survivors!
  16. Hello Everyone, First of all, I would like to say thank you to the creators, admins, moderators, and members of this space. I am 20 days into my healing journey, and I've never felt so alone. I am grateful to have found a community of strong survivors: men, women, and non-binary individuals who understand what this feels like. I'm a pretty down to earth person. I like the slow and simple life. Most nights after work I'm just home in my sweats cooking dinner and watching The Office. I'm a very curious person so I love learning about and trying new things, BUT I also overthink everything so it takes time for me to work up the courage to do those new and potentially scary things. One of those new and potentially scary things I'd like to try is solo travel so if you have any tips, I am all ears! My favourite quality in a person is compassion and I believe this world could use a lot more of it. Be where your feet are; you're stronger than you know. Peace and love, GreenBayGirl
  17. Hello AS community, I'm Bambs an even shorter nickname off of Bambi, which my friends call me. I'm a 25 year old woman and I enjoy working out, pole dancing, gaming and watching DnD streams while cuddling my dog. I am joining this community a few days before I begin therapy to try and help me break out a little and get used to talking about difficult things which I do not enjoy. I would love to chat with women around my age or older into the same things as me or who have had similar experiences which I'll post about in the appropriate thread. Much love Xx
  18. Hello all. I found this site via an internet search. I was really just looking for a chat room, because it helps me personally to have anonymous chat, especially with people who have actually been through what I have/can more directly relate to my experiences. I have been having a pretty horrible time dealing with a lot of things, and feelings surrounding my assault/reporting are definitely at the foreground of that. However, I also saw that I don't think I am able to access chat unless I post 10 or more topics. So, here I am, to start. I hope you all are doing well. I will now say that my reading, memory, and cognition have honestly been affected by PTSD/other mental health related problems, but I am trying my best to reach out and do whatever it takes to fight through this hell of a time in my life. Thanks in advance for whoever reads this and for even having a site like this in the first place. I look forward to exploring the site and potentially getting to know some of you more in the future. -Raya
  19. Hi everyone. I'm Su, and I'm really happy to be here. I heard about After Silence through a Reddit forum for survivors called r/rape (Reddit is a popular site for all different kinds of forums, ranging from pop culture and news to anonymous chatroom therapy - that's what r/rape was). Although r/rape was somewhat helpful in the beginning - I felt validated and comforted by the other survivors there - we were often bullied and tormented by trolls and perverts who would take our venting/ranting posts and turn them into sick jokes and sexual fantasies. Reddit is a very loose website so it was easy for anyone to make an account, enter the rape counseling forums, and wreck havoc. I received two verbally abusive messages from two different perverts on Reddit. They were unfortunately very graphic and they sent me into a terrible panic attack, I was screaming and crying. I posted the details about the messages from the Reddit perverts onto The Aftermath thread. Anyways, I'm really glad I signed up for AS. The Reddit forums were like fortresses constantly under attack by perverts who wanted to harass me and other survivors. AS is like a safe haven. I feel much better already. I'm from Istanbul, Turkey, but now I live in the United States. My assault happened back in 2017 by someone I thought was my friend. I've made a lot of progress in the past year - my nightmares and panic attacks are not as frequent as they used to be - but, like I said, sometimes there are setbacks, like when those perverts bullied me. But I'm blessed to have people around me who support me, and I'm again very happy to be here. I am studying law and I want to help women and children all around the world, especially in Turkey and the rest of the Middle East. International politics is very important to me. I want to protect young girls from going through what I did, and to change my country's patriarchal culture. There is lots of abuse against women in Turkey and the Middle East but we are fighting back! 💕
  20. Hey everyone, My name is Danah, and I'm proud to say that I'm processing my trauma in therapy, after avoiding it for so long. I used to feel a paralyzing fear, whenever I attempted to "go there" in the past. But this time feels different, I feel really angry and brave at the same time. Like I'm ready to go to war or something. I've been on the road to recovery: healthy diet, medication, meditation, exercise, and therapy. And I felt this urgency to join a support group. I'm Middle Eastern, and the nature of my trauma is quite difficult to discuss with other people in my country, to say the least. I'm exploding with excitement now that I have a place to speak. I can't wait to get to know all of you, learn from your experiences, and be part of this community, where normalizing experiences and being supportive are the norm. I'm excited, angry, scared, shy, and nervous. But for the first time, it feels so good.
  21. stormyfire


    Hi there everyone, Grateful to be here in this community, even though it's new and scary. It's hard not to feel alone when I'm always walking through the world with this invisible weight. I tend to be shy but I want to share my story here sometime soon. Also, I am trans, and use they/them pronouns (: Thanks for taking the time to read
  22. Here to work on finding peace with what's happened to me and keep rebuilding. Looking forward to getting to know you!
  23. HelenX


    Hello everyone, I am excited to be part of this community. I am (finally) coming to terms with my own experiences and it is great to find an online network of supportive people. Thank you to everyone who has made this possible.
  24. Len/Jack


    Um, hi everyone. My name is Len and I’m nineteen years old. I got this account for the blog a couple months ago but only just got up the courage to start posting. I hope this will help me, though I’m not really sure of what exactly I am doing to be honest. It’s nice to meet you though
  25. Hello, I'm Len and I recently found this resource through the suicide prevention hotline. I hope I'll be able to find support and provide my support to others as well. I am transgender (ftm) and decided to sign up for this site to share my story and also show others that they are not alone.
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