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Found 40 results

  1. First steps

    It's not easy to write this first message. It's my first step to recovery even though I'm still so confused about what happened and my feelings. I hope to find answers and people who can understand me Have a great day everyone
  2. Hey

    Hi there, just an intro post. This is my first time on this forum or any type of forum actually. Bit unsure.
  3. A New Me

    Hello Everyone, Wow it has been over six years since I posted on this site which helped save my life. I first came here working through childhood abuse. Over the years of chatting, I realized I was not merely in an unhappy, bad marriage. I was being very emotionally and sexually abused by my husband. All I ever knew was abuse since the age of three. Even if I was not being abused. The abuse I endured markedly affected me. While I always appeared to be a happy child and teenager, that was merely a persona that a very terrified innocent inner child trapped within maintained to be safe and never have those horrible things I believed I caused come out into the light. For decades I took the blame for my abusers abuse. Thankfully, after breaking my silence I learned better. They were family secrets that I was taught to keep quiet. My parents did not discuss it even with me so I must not discuss it either. Finally, after over five years of intensive in and out patient therapy I was able to save that inner child and wounds began to heal. Then the reality hit me that my husband was abusive. Many had mentoned it but being the dutiful controlled wife I had learned to be to keep peace for 22 years, I denied it. Finally, once I confronted my husband life took a new turn and I indeed knew I was in an abusive marriage. January 18, 2010, I packed a bag, moved into an abuse shelter, and began the most difficult battle of me life. I have been single five years. I own my house and have filled it with precious furbabies. Recently, I have realized that I am stuck. My ex was not always abusive. If you ask him he never was but that is an entire different topic. We have two now adult sons and many happy memories. He and I agreed to disagree about him but the truth is I can not accept that in my mind. I will never disagree. What happened to me was abuse. I honestly have no interest in being with anyone else and may never, but need to figure out how to move on without forcing myself to stuff the bad and focus on the good. Stuffing works for a while but there is still a big wound unhealed. Every now and them something triggers me about my ex and I totally become unglued. At least my other abusers did not ever say they loved me. My ex quickly remarried but says he will love me until he dies. So, after six years with a lot more therapy I am back. Unfortunately getting divorced meant I lost my amazing insurance and mental health care by the government lacks a lot. I found many answers and much support here in the past. I know I am safe here and safety is of the utmost importance in my life. I very much limit who is now in my life. I am finally free of my abusers physically but have to figure out how to mentally compartmentalize my married life in a healthy way for me. For years and the sakes of my sons I have pretended to like my ex and even cheered on his marriage with an ironically very controling wife (Gotta love karma). The truth is I can not stand him, actually despise him. His wife has been very cruel to our sons and their fiances. She is not a nice woman at all. They even have separated but neither wants another divorce so they will stay stuck in their situation. I am sorry if I sound horrible, but my friends have told me for six years to sit back and let God take care of things because I could have made life difficult for both of them with things I know. I think about it but that is not the kind of person I am. I prefer to help not destroy others even if they have wronged me. I know I have to come to a place of forgiveness for me not him. I know I have to stop glorying in his bad luck or do I? I am back so I can hopefully find the support to figure out how to become 100% free. It would be so much easier if he never loved me, if he even knows what love is. I just can not understand hurting the person you are suposed to love so much. I was afraid I would always love him but finally can say I feel no love that in itself is a major victory. I am looking forward to meeting new people as I continue in my healing journey and hope I can help others as well.
  4. Hello!

    Hi, I am new here. I am not usually one who joins things such as this, but my friend who has been such a huge supporter suggested I join an online forum of some sorts and after searching I decided to join this one! I hope to help move past my trauma and help others as well and maybe even possibly make some friends along the way!
  5. Finding my way

    Hello everyone, I don't know if being a part of this site will help me, but I figure it is worth a shot. I've been feeling very alone, and I have been looking for people to talk to. I've yet to tell anyone what happened aside from my therapist, so until I find the courage to tell them I'm hoping everyone here can make me feel less alone.
  6. Hi everyone, Today is my first day actually posting in the forums. I'm looking forward to belonging to a community of supportive and open people who have been through similar things that I have been through. I am a married mother of two and I work full time, and am trying to start my own business as well. My husband and I are also working hard to get our house ready to sell so we can upgrade - it's a little stressful! I hope everyone has a great day.
  7. Just Wanted To Say Hello,

    Stumbled upon these forums recently while trying to sort through things. I'm 23 and from the U.S. on the west coast. I graduate from college in December with my BA in journalism and media studies. I really enjoy writing and in my spare time I like to paint and draw, I used to commission artwork with my sister. I'm hoping to get the chance to talk with people who might understand what I'm going through. Thanks for taking time out to read this.
  8. Greetings From Norway!

    Hello everyone! I am an American living in Norway. I don't really know what to write here. My older brother sexually and physically abused me for several years. Nobody believed me when I cried for help. I have been called a liar, a spoiled brat, an attention getter just because of the many different ways I tried to get someone to listen or to help. All the people I trusted in my childhood let me down when they ignored me. So I have told myself to never trust again and I don't... not even my family nor psychologists. It is hard to trust people who have only shut me out when I needed them the most. I get so angry when people tell me that I am a liar. It makes me sad when people call me the crazy one when all I do is ask for help. "It isn't my business", "Stop with your false accusations"... how can people be so ignorant? Just a few years ago I learned that he sexually abused my 3 sisters and some of his classmates. I wouldn't be surprised if he also sexually and physically abused his own wife and daughter. Why do the abusers and manipulators get away with what they do? It's just not fair. I wish I had known about this forum long ago... maybe it could have spared me a lot of grief and pain. I doubt that I will ever heal and find peace. :-(
  9. I am 25 and it has been 13 years since my childhood SA and I'm simply exhausted with the anxiety, confusion, and doubt that I still live with every day. I have no good outlet for my angst and I feel its finally time to do something about it so I'm here just looking for a little support. I have always had an erradic lifestyle filled with overworking myself, stretching myself thin fullfilling social obligations, and generally neglecting to take care of myself. I've been living this way for way too long and I guess its just time for me to stop living in denial and actually trying to become a survivor instead of struggling to get by. I have been able to work myself through a lot of my own issues up to this point but this is the first time I feel I won't be able to help myself. Sadly I've had many bad experiences with therapists so its a path I'm hesitant to go down again. I'm just looking for the support of people who can really understand what I'm going through and become my positive outlet and help me feel a little less alone with my struggles.
  10. I am 25 and it has been 13 years since my childhood SA and I'm simply exhausted with the anxiety, confusion, and doubt that I still live with every day. I have no good outlet for my angst and I feel its finally time to do something about it so I'm here just looking for a little support. I have always had an erradic lifestyle filled with overworking myself, stretching myself thin fullfilling social obligations, and generally neglecting to take care of myself. I've been living this way for way too long and I guess its just time for me to stop living in denial and actually trying to become a survivor instead of struggling to get by. I have been able to work myself through a lot of my own issues up to this point but this is the first time I feel I won't be able to help myself. Sadly I've had many bad experiences with therapists so its a path I'm hesitant to go down again. I'm just looking for the support of people who can really understand what I'm going through and become my positive outlet and help me feel a little less alone with my struggles.
  11. Hello!

    Hello everyone! I am not exactly sure what to say, but I did want to take a moment to formally introduce myself. My name is Lucy and I'm a survivor of many different kinds of sexual trauma, spanning over two decades. I'm overall in a good place in my life, especially compared to my younger self, but I do think it would be nice to connect with people that are facing similar issues stemming from abuse/assault/etc. I so look forward to meeting new people and getting to know you better!
  12. Me In A Nutshell

    Straight off, let me say that I have never tried anything like this before. I considered it in the past, finding a support group, and talked myself out of it dozens of times. But I'm here now, although honestly I am not sure what to expect. The thought of committing to something like this scares me to death,truly, but I am willing to give it a shot now. I am a professional, a teacher of elementary children, and the reason I am attempting to connect with other survivors now is because I had a recent epiphany. It boils down to the bare bones of needing to come to some form of acceptance finally, in order to overcome issues rooted in the event from long ago. Hopefully connecting with other survivors will assist, and hopefully I can assist others. So, about me in a nutshell: I'm a teacher, as I said, with 15 years in education under my belt. I'm a creative, compassionate person, and the proud mother of two beautiful little girls. I am a musician, and play a number of instruments, as well as sing. I enjoy fiddling around with writing fiction...and I read all the time. My imagination is constantly in play. I am officially a bookworm, although sometimes the current technology admittedly makes me stray from my books. I love cats, but am fine with other animals, even to the point of owning a snake for a handful of years. I dabble with gaming and jewelry making. I am one of those people who doesn't make friends easily (chalk that up to trust issues), but I am always friendly and courteous when in a social venue, as best as I can be; people have never questioned my professionalism and I'm pretty maternal when it comes to my students. In general, I take care of people to the best of my ability, sometimes to a fault. Depending on my mood, I can hover in a solitary corner at a social event, or strike up dozens of conversations with strangers. I fluctuate, I suppose. I try to be self-aware, and my motivations usually include what is best for the loved ones in my life. I've had tragedies, some very recent, but also plentiful successes over the years. I am strong in many ways, and insecure in others, which I believe is perfectly normal, survivor or not. I am a great listener, and empathetic. All in all, I hope I can contribute successfully here. So... greetings and salutations. I'll keep my fingers crossed.
  13. I have been a member for a short while but have not posted. I am waiting on a PW to post in the Share My Story thread. I am a survivor of childhood molestation. Since I have been having flashbacks, my life has turned upside down. I need to make friends and talk out loud about what I am feeling.
  14. Thought I was "over it" but clearly I'm not.. don't think you really get over it like people want. Just introducing myself Hi names Min, joined because.. well I need some outlet some comfort alittle of anything I guess.. stuff was goin on for a such long time and now that im alittle older and somewhat away from my abuser. I found out he did it to someone else, who now spoke.. I was/am still scared to talk...wth im 26. Now all I do is blame myself if only I had said something, this little girl wouldn't be hurting as I am, and even now more than ever ='( What makes everything even worse about the whole thing is family..the family that stick by his side knowing everything (even by his admission) and they still bailed him out....reliving my nightmare...sick.. ok enough mini venting..this was supposed to be a short intro.. Hope to find some comfort and maybe a friend or 2 to chat and get this off my mind as lately I have daily reminders. -Min
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