caramel

I was really ready to start working on my stuff today. Unfortunatly I had to reschedule my session. Due to uncontrolable family issues. Amazingly enough I was ok. Tired to no belief. Still having problems eating. I either don't feel like eating or i'll eat and feel so sick I wish I hadn't. I haven't felt so tortured since highschool (over 15yrs ago). It angers me that I remember the events as if they happened earlier today but can't remember why I walked to the frig. I'm in school, have a family and having the hardest time concentrating, remembering things for tests and staying awake

I start seeing someone tomorrow. My husband and I have counseling starting Wed. I just wish he could see I never ment to hurt him. Until las Wed. I can truly say I thought I was doing a great job at living. Then it seems everything was just dumped out of my bag that I had so neatly packed and placed in the corner of the closet. I never realised that, that bag was taking up space for other things that meant so much to me. Now that I look at it I can see that the contents were leaking out and staining everything I had placed near it. I want to get into the bottom of the bag but am so scar

After years of living numb i've been forced to revisit my past. I have cyclic emotions I don't know how to deal with. A husband drowning in anger for the way the treated him for the past 16 years only to find out the total of my past. Now he knows not what to do with his anger. I don't know what to do. I feel as if i'm in a brick house and piece by piece the bricks are falling on me. Completely trapped.