I wanted to say hi and give a brief history about myself. I'm a 31 year old, happily married mother of two beautiful little girls. I was sexually abused by 4 different men in my lifetime, starting at age 2 and lasting until age 11. The timeframes for each abuse were varied, and I've always remembered what happened (well parts of it anyway, you how that goes).
My maternal grandfather abused me for years (starting at age 2 until maybe 9 or 10, I can't really confirm when it ended). My older cousin abused me for 4 months when I was 7 (he was 18). My brother abused me when I was 10 or 11 and I've not idea how many times. I still feel guilt over that one, probably because my mother (when told) had said "you were old enough to know better". She denies ever saying this, but I was hurt so badly that I never forgot it. As a side note, both my cousin and brother were also abused by the grandfather (as I call him). And lastly, I had a babysitter (he was a teenager) who abused me one time when I was 3 (I figured out the age based upon the movie we were watching that night, and the fact that my grandparents lived in that house when I was 3 before moving). Sorry if these seems scattered, honestly I feel a little scattered lately
I tried therapy once when I was 14, but I didn't like it - it didn't work. I tried again when I was 24 because of issues I was having in my relationship with my then fiancee. This time I jumped in headfirst, attached many issues that I had and stayed in for 2 years before "graduating". I haven't been back since. But I'm seriously contemplating it right now. First I wanted to find a safe support group online to just let it all out again. Part of me feels like I should just be over and done with it already, since I've addressed it and faced it in the past. But the other part of me knows, this is a lifelong battle and I deserve to be happy so if it comes up now and again - well then let's deal with it!
I look forward to meeting you all and giving (as well as receiving) support. God Bless you all!