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Loulou

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    518
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About Loulou

  • Birthday 08/23/1978

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female

Previous Fields

  • MembershipType
    Survivor

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    http://
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  1. Wow Fall this made me cry but not a bad cry a healing cry. I love you so much and am so proud of you. You so deserve to heal and I am glad you are on that journey. You are such an awesome friend! Totally here to back you on your journey and be your strenght, ear or cheerleader whatever you may need. Today I am the cheerleader!!!!
  2. Hi Abby Good question I am very good at small talk and find a comfort in it while I am with my T, yet when I leave I feel like what the heck did I just pay for? I am not that brave though to be able to just say okay this is what I need to deal with because well it might be what I need to deal with but it scares me so when I have had the choice to talk or not I choose not. I realized though that I had to change this or stop T so I did it slowly by given him a little more insight on how I really was doing at first, like admitting that I was cutting again, or having a lot of bad dreams (which I couldn't talk about) etc. He asked me to write for him and bring it in and that either I could read it aloud or he would, so I did I wrote a lot and on the way to his office I had a panic attack to the point of having to pull over didn't stop spinning until I had ripped up the paper with the promise to myself that I would at least talk about one thing I wrote about as much as I could. That has changed therapy, for me it wasn't really a problem trusting my T after a few months but trusting me to be able to cope which is still a on going battle but having the support of others here has helped a lot with that. You deserve to heal and find your voice and there are many ways you can so you can do it by just blurting it out or by slowly stepping your way to it just make a deal and a plan with yourself that you can feel safe with Good luck
  3. I have to say that was on of the most I guess the word is encouraging post i have read because it was so honest full of anger but also full of gratitude and I am sorry that you or any of us had to find this site but honestly you are right Thank God for a place like this to find support. Good luck to you, and remember that sometimes denial is the way we have to survive until we are ready and strong enough emotionally to face what has happened and you have a right to be angry it is one of the stages to healing and you are healing
  4. Sounds like in 16 years you've been through a lot, welcome to a great site it take courage to reach out.
  5. Okay Amylyn question has me thinking, is the reason behind this rule posted somewhere I have not seen? If not maybe we could pin Amy question in the welcome forum so that everyone understand why they need to have 25 posts before they can enter chat?
  6. When I first came to this site I also was a bit thrown off by the fact that I had to post 25 times before I could chat. I did realize it was a guideline that was probably put in place to protect the all of the members. I began to realize it was good for me also because I did not know how bad off I really was when I first joined this site. I mean for me I am always the strong one and always hiding behind my mask of happiness. Reading the posts I began being triggered into even more flashbacks etc. having time to learn how to deal with others experience while facing my own before I started chatting probably saved me and other a lot of pain. In saying that there has been a few times in chat that I have been triggered, and one time that I tried to help someone who I wasn't prepared to help which made me feel bad. When you are new to this site it is a learning experience into how to really use a community like this to be both beneficial for you and others. 25 post rule I think is good one. ((((((((((((((((Amylyn))))))))))))))))))) I think its awesome and shows how caring you are that you would take the time to bring this up.
  7. Yes, OMG this is so what I needed to read tonight I am so glad Dochas found this and Curlyrin wrote it, what a powerful message.
  8. Welcome Glad you found this place, it has a lot of support to offer!
  9. Hi Rose, I am really sorry that your family (for a lack of a better word) sucked so hard in protecting you as a child and protecting your heart today. I am new here too but I have found it very helpful so far and I hope you do too.
  10. Loulou

    New Member

    Thanks everyone for the warm welcome
  11. Hi all, yes you got another new member. About me, I am 29 years old and have made it through a lot of abusive situations. As an adult, I have become vigilant to abuse around me and in the efforts of helping those children and young parent stuck in cycles of abuse. This last year I have discovered that I have never yet healed my own wounds. Who would have thought just surviving it once would not do. In this last year I think there are many things that brought me back to my own past. I got sober six years ago and at that time decided to have very little contact with my family but this last year I have been brought back into their lives when my grandmother passed away. We also had a family wedding that meant once again being with the whole family, I thought of skipping it but since it was my twin sister and I was the maid of honor I realized it might cause more problems than it was worse. Thankfully one of the abusers was in jail but my main abuser was there and of course as the family got drunk they all started pushing for a reconnection between us, “lets get a picture of you guys,” “hey why don’t you dance with…” I ended up leaving the wedding but since that night I have felt all the betrayal once again. Then to set me really into a head spin of memories, my roommate returned to her drug habit and started abusing and neglecting her daughter. Which I did not let last but did try to help without much success before for I had to get her committed and alert CPS. In the mix of all of this I began therapy to figure out what was the right way to handle things for the child involved, how much I could be a friend to the mom and at the same time protect her daughter? What I discovered was many of my emotions, thoughts and fear were coming from a past that I still have not ever talked about besides saying yes I was, no I don’t want to talk about it. Since I am not doing so well at turning my memories off or ignoring the past, I am about to try to start dealing with this in therapy. Last night freaking out a bit I decided to see what support I might find on the net. Thanks for being here and I hope I may also find a way to help all of you too
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