I'm new.I've been reading your posts for a few days and can relate. I decided to join because I dealt with my problems by ignoring them, thinking that I wasn't going to let what happened to me become who I am or what my life is all about.
Unfortunately I can't escape the fact that I don't relate to people normally, especially men in authority.That's often where opportunities for growth and advancement come from. So my life is stopped.
I recently realized that the reason I cannot accept affirmation is because I don't like myself. And I realized, through a letter put on a website I visited before this one, that that was what I didn't like about me. It was a part of who I was in the fact that it changed me, warped my real personality and I need to heal from it in order to be free from it and be the real me, a person that I believe I would like and would want to be successful. The quote is the part of the letter that made me realize that:
"Rape takes a part of us. By force and often violent brutality it severs away a part of our heart and soul. It can greatly effect our ability to reason correctly. We begin to view and evaluate our life through the grid of the emotional devastation produced by the rape. This is a normal and acceptable first response. For a time, we may withdraw and become someone very different than we were before the attack. We may begin to make decisions based on our desire to protect ourselves. We may choose to allow fear to manipulate our choice of activities. All this is done in order to deal with the often incapacitating emotional effects produced by the rape. We feel as though we must protect ourselves so that this will never happen to us again."
It's a big letter with a lot of helpful stuff on it, but I don't agree with everything it says. I felt I needed to explain why I'm here and what brought me to this place.