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About selkiespot

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    genderfluid transmasc person, he/ey/it

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    pokemon, my chemical romance, 3d modeling, various video games

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  1. cognitive behavioral therapy! my therapist describes it as slowly reconditioning yourself to replace/substitute harmful thoughts with positive/neutral ones. i'm not sure if that's the best explanation, but that's what the acronym stands for at least! it also helped me a lot in trying to learn to manage my schizophrenia.
  2. i just had the most impactful therapy session... she usually guides our sessions with inner child work, but this time she had me speak directly to little isabelle the entire time. even when she had things to say to guide the conversation, she would suggest it to me, pause, and let me repeat the question/sentiment to isabelle myself. she was so scared. she's still so scared. we've been crying together for a while, though. i told her that i've been through the same thing, and that it's okay that she's struggling, because sometimes i do too. but it's never as bad as it was then. that pa
  3. did more inner child work today... it was both cathartic and kind of disturbing what happened when we went through our session. it's weird... it's weird how i can talk about it to my younger self, and that i can understand that she's still nervous and afraid to trust me, but those conversations turn into a source of comfort, honestly. i'm looking forward to having mroe of them. it's just kind of wild diving back in and... just observing this scared little kid huddled and shaking under the bed. i'm very tired now, but we made good progress, i think. isabelle went from distrusting me e
  4. I am so sorry you’re feeling the way you do but I am glad you are here with us all and we can support one another. I am sorry no one protected you. I know what that feels like and it sucks. Hopefully by talking about your feelings you can find some relief. Sending healing thoughts your way!

  5. 😶 doing very bad today...

    1. MeBeMary


      Sending you support. :throb: 

    2. Finchy


      I hope things improve for you, friend. Sitting with you and sending comfort. ❤️ 

    3. Sleepographer


      thinking of you. i'm sorry it's so intense.

  6. i apologized to her this morning. i've been struggling a lot with forgiving myself... with looking objectively and thinking, "that was an innocent child." i've felt so guilty, like i was the exception to the rule. i couldn't stop thinking about what they made me do, and i just kept telling myself that it was my fault. the last time i saw my regular t, we tried inner child work with the thing i had most recently remembered. i couldn't find isabelle. i dissociated the entire time, went blank several times and was unable to answer questions, and i just... couldn't find her. my regular t
  7. I call my little self Isabelle (not my name), and she's learning to trust me. Warmth, comfort - things we never comfortably had without being afraid of when it would end... I try to find that now. My therapist said I can protect my younger self now, whether my younger self believes it or not - whether I believe it or not. My T told me to try to watch movies or shows with strong characters, to help remind myself that I'm not powerless, and to help little Isabelle feel like she isn't alone. It's kind of uncomfortable for me to watch typical nostalgic kid shows I used to enjoy (Pokémon,
  8. my friend told me that i'm a person (and not an object) in response to a breakdown and i instantly started crying.

    i guess i know what i'm gonna be talking about in therapy this week...

    1. Finchy


      Sitting with you. ❤️ I hope that your therapy session goes well talking about that. It sounds like a really powerful moment. And your friend is right...you ARE a person, NOT an object. :bighug:

  9. i'm not getting enough financial help to have 2 therapy sessions a week anymore... now i'm back to one. everything feels so overwhelming.

  10. major therapy burnout today... my t couldn't do a monday or tuesday session, which i hope turns out okay... but part of me is relieved bc i definitely needed a break after 2 sessions within 3 days. just nervous about dealing with remembering.

    1. MeBeMary


      It's understandable to feel this way. You are doing so much that will be good in the long run, but sometimes it can be a lot in the present. 

      Either way, you are brave to face what has happened to you. I know it still hurts a lot now...but you still are doing your best to try. You should be proud of this.

      Sitting with you, if ok. Sending safe hugs, as well, if ok. :hug: 

  11. some of my favorites are spyro, skyrim, and i'm also a big fan of this indie (+ unpopular, heh) game on pc (and xbox?) called fugl where you fly around as a bird in a 3d pixelated style (think minecraft style but with more detail and color) in procedurally generated maps. it's silly because it's a really simple thing with no real goals, but i love it. i also used to really like overwatch! but blizzard upset me in general, so i don't touch their games anymore. u_u
  12. thank you all for the warm welcome... ❤️ this is such a gentle space, i'm glad i've found it. i've been trying to learn how to care for myself, and this seems like a good place to be.
  13. hi, there. i'm a survivor who's been in therapy for about half a year. my abuse started/roots back to decades ago, but my cptsd never really broke into full force until march 2022. since then, i have admittedly made a lot of progress already (i don't always have a flashback every day anymore, and i can sleep in my bed again), but i'm getting to the really "hard part" of therapy too. there's a lot. i've been hoping to find a community that really understands that i can vent to... i don't have many people i can talk to consistently, and even less that i can talk to frankly about sexual abus
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