Thanks for that!!! I hope someday I can be in that place where the self loathing is gone. And I know until I open up more it won't happen. I have been trying to open up but my feeble attempts aren't enough. I just to find a way to work through everything. I was thinking a lot about fear last night since that is the basis f everything for me. And I thought....why am I so scared?? I was watching my little puppy who, with the help of the neighbor puppy, dug his way over to play with the Bull Mastiff next door. Bear in mind my puppy only weights about 17 lbs and the Mastiff puppy is already around 90lbs. He had no fear and when I went out and found him over there he was just running the yard playing with the other puppy. He could have sat in my yard and been scared and therefore bored..instead they worked together and dug a hole and had a blast!!!
I guess I need to learn from my puppy and try to open up more.