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redroses

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    116
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  • Gender
    Female

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  • MembershipType
    Survivor

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  1. i wish you would disappear leave me alone, forever please. i hate hearing your name i wish i could just tell him that yes. you hurt me a lot. even if you don’t realize how much you hurt me. I still have bad days, and it makes my stomach drop when I hear your name even if they’re not talking about you. But i also have good days and now it seems like there’s more good than bad. Yes, the bad is bad but the good is very good and i’m healing with time.. I know i won’t be the same person as before, and I don’t know if my glow I had before i met you will ever come back. You made me f
  2. progress is not linear. please go to counseling, at least talk to someone you can trust in person. i think this will help. don’t hurt yourself, you’ve been clean for a long time. they won’t send you away. but even some online therapy may be good. if you ever feel like hurting yourself, do something else to distract your mind. go on a jog, or call someone and talk to them. you got this. i know it’s hard. i read through ur blog entries and i feel we are very similar in our healing practices. if u ever want someone to talk to, message me and i will talk to you.
  3. redroses

    progress

    this is amazing and sooo moving. i recently told my mom too. and my dad also knows. you get past the awkward phase. it shouldn’t ever feel awkward it wasn’t your fault. but i understand that you do because i also felt this. i’m happy you’re making such great progress. one step at a time!
  4. redroses

    i tried

    It wasn’t pointless. The fact that you are trying to seek help is enough. That’s very good and I’m happy for you. You should definitely go to the gym to let out your anger or try one of those rage rooms. Don’t push yourself too hard. Instead of taking big steps, take smaller steps to not stress yourself out.
  5. “I love you,” you said to me that night, You love me, I told myself when I woke in the morning. You seem certain about this. It seems there isn’t much you know though. You don’t know that I scrubbed my skin until it turned red and broke I felt unpure. Don’t know I couldn’t sleep, I still can’t. One eye open because I am scared. Things you do know terrify me. You know where I stay, where I sleep. You know I have a beauty mark under my left breast. I shouldn’t have to worry about you knowing too much. That isn’t love. So
  6. Before everything happened with him, I never truly understood how victims minds worked. It’s a weird thing really. My friend told me about how she had been sexually assaulted at a young age. I always wondered why she didn’t just tell her dad. Or, when I watched tv why a victim would just let their abuser get away with what they did. Of course I sympathized with them, but I could never truly understand. Sometimes I wish I couldn’t truly understand. A lot of times really. I wish I didn’t know what it was like to not be able to tell your parents because you aren’t sure how they would react.
  7. redroses

    .

    I’ve read through your entries. Wow. You are so so strong. I find myself relating to your situation quite a lot. I only got sexually assaulted a few weeks ago. It’s been hard. Some people have told me that growth isn’t linear. They’re right. You will have tough days and you’ll have days where it’s almost normal again. I know it’s hard but try to at least take a shower. Or if you can, a bath. You don’t even have to wash your hair. Just letting water run over your body even for a few minutes will help. You are right. You are strong, you cannot give in to self harm. Try to pick up some other habi
  8. Thank you @snmls Yes, I’m trying my best to heal. Thank you for your reply. I’m so glad this community is here and so welcoming. It means a lot to know that I am not alone.
  9. Hi, you guys can refer to me as Rose or my username. My accident was recent and from a guy that I really trusted. It’s been rough since then. Im hoping that this and going back to therapy will help me cope. Does it ever go away? The triggers and unwanted thoughts? I’m just happy to be here. Reading other peoples stories makes me feel that I’m not so alone as I once thought.
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