SparklingJedi
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I often come here with no intention to talk about my experiences. However, I still come back here. Perhaps, seeing what other people write will compel me to find courage enough to admit the things I've experienced, suffered, caused, relived, and suffered again. Vicious circles in my mind.
One time I recall seeing someone had asked why is it you see that some people had become a sexual assault victim over and over and over and over? That must be impossible. Or they convince themselves that that person is making it up because they were unfortunate to have been a victim over and over. I wish I could say that were true.
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I'm so very sorry for the trauma that has brought you here @SparklingJedi. It can take time to be able to talk about it. The why behind it is completely unexplainable and for many unfathomable. There are many that simply cannot accept that survivors of SA were often in the wrong place at the wrong time due to chance or due to the machinations of their perpetrator. The mere idea that this could happen to anyone is simply dismissed as inconceivable in order to give the weak-minded some irrational form of comfort. If it's ok may I sit with you? It's something you've likely seen that we do here. I hope that just knowing there's someone else here with you (even if just virtually) that understands that it can ease your pain a teeny bit.
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Sure @AKB you are welcome to sit with me. I look deceptively strong on the outside. I wear my mask well. But on the inside I've known how much I have shattered and have always tried to put the pieces back together. As a matter of fact, I think I broke down so many years ago and just shattered. I don't think I ever mended. It's just that now my husband is deceased (too young) and my daughter is full grown and has her own life. I am alone. I'm alone to deal with what I managed to not deal with all my life. I guess being a mother and a wife, a piano player, a student, later a paranormal enthusiast and writer just kept my mind off of the broken pieces of my life. I'm thankful for that. I've made it it to this point.
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Thank you for the welcome.
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Thank you for the welcome. 💖
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This is SJ (Sparkling Jedi) nickname. Can't even say my first name, as even my first name gives me away online and publicly. Here for...just looking. Can't really say why. Just here. Can't really delve into explaining my interests. Those are also online. No point in introducing myself. Just a person represented by a green eye avatar, with some history. My intro, then, will remain without any information. As some of us are more public profile than others. If you feel you have to move my writings elsewhere feel free to. No explanations necessary. Just inform me of any change.