I'm new here. Anyway, I've been in 2 sexual abuse relationships. One was for a total of 23 yrs and I finally walked away leaving my daughter because I had no choice. The other was 25 1/2 yrs. I left just May 24th. I am now 63 yrs old. I've never had a good relationship that wasn't abuse. I don't know how to act in a normal relationship. It's hard for me to believe that someone wants to make me happy for me not for himself. It boggles my mind. I now live in a 8 ft by 8 ft bedroom I am renting from a friend. I am not in a relationship now but I don't know if I would be able to handle it without... Sometimes I think I will only like sex with pain because that's the only way I've had it. Now I'm trying to deal with depression, anxiety and some PTSD if it gets triggered. The nights are the hardest. The loneliness, darkness, alone. I've stuck a note up on my desk. It says: One Day at a Time - Just Breathe. I am trying.