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  1. I see you, butterfly 🦋, and I feel your pain. The pain of what has been lost, the pain of facing current loses, and the pain of acknowledging potential future losses. It is a lot and I am grieving here with you. Your writing shines a light on the beautiful soul you are. The ability to acknowledge the extent of pain and difficulty is so stinking hard. You are facing the hard things, reaching out for support as you can, and doing your best. In my book, that is gold. You don’t find many people in the world that do those things and you are, as you can, in the midst of significant difficul
  2. Your post is incredibly missing, @LisaButterfly. While my trauma / life story specifics differ in ways from yours, I felt so understood as you shared yours. I am so very sad for the ink written across your innocent body and for the ways you still suffer from it. I also have been coming to terms with my story and the complexities of whether or not to share, how much, to whom, etc. I am so glad you are getting support from a trauma therapist. You are brave facing your story, reaching out for support, not giving up day after minute, after second. I soaked up every words from your
  3. I am here with you on this train, too. Yes, you deserve to take up space, to be here, to be loved and to be seen and valued as you are. ♥️ I hear your pain and I feel it. I often feel like I’m on this runaway train and question whether it will ever get better. Sitting with you now.
  4. Hope321

    #it's not OK

    It's not okay... To say that it doesn't matter because it was so long ago. That my word against my abuser is not enough to bring justice. That statutes of limitations preclude serial abusers and pedophiles from being brought to justice because it takes time for many victims to heal and speak out. That I suffer and feel shame that is rightfully the perpetuator's. That so many victims and survivors are disbelieved, ridiculed, and shamed into silence.
  5. I am so very happy and proud of you for standing up for yourself! The strong, powerful woman you are is using her voice and it is making a difference. What a great result to be able to have a diagnosis for all the physical pain and suffering you have been experiencing so you can continue to get the hell you need and deserve.
  6. Your honesty and vulnerability is refreshing. I saw myself a lot in this post in several different ways, and I also saw what a strong, courageous woman you are for working through all this! First of all, I am so proud of you for working through the anorexia toward freedom. For those who haven't struggled with ED, they may not realize how truly difficult it is to walk the road toward healing. I have also struggled with an eating disorder that began at a pretty early age and became severe enough at age 18 that I lost my period for several years. I've had a complicated relationship with food
  7. I definitely feel very upset for you that you have to deal with such a difficult man! I also loved hearing about your loving relationship with G and your lovely cooking memories. I like his quote that memories are tomorrow's nostalgia. That is a refreshing perspective. I also have found great release in writing the truth about the deeply flawed, horrible actions of people I have encountered in my life. For so long, I didn't realize I had the power to admit the truth of what they were and the evil of their actions. Although I began to write about my abusers, I have since started jour
  8. Hope321

    I Got Help

    I am so happy to hear you had a great experience! It is wonderful to meet, get to know, and receive help from truly supportive people. For me, it slowly restores my faith in humanity. Welcome back!
  9. @LisaButterfly Your support and encouragement are validating on a lot of levels. Why is it so hard to believe the positives about myself? Maybe it just takes time to ‘reprogram’ my belief system because the lies are still very entrenched. I deeply appreciate your kind, affirming words. Much respect to you as well.
  10. I just got home from dropping my child off at daycare and I cried on the way home. BUT they were good, healing tears. So hang in there with the story…it does have a good ending. Rewind to yesterday morning. I’m getting ready to go out the door amidst the mad rush of getting shoes on, backpacks ready, thermoses filled, coats on, the approximately 1,000,000 things that all need to be done when getting a 3 and 4 year-old out the door. My youngest child says in a scared voice, Is T going to be at school today? This is the first time I have heard her mention this name, so my ears perk up and m
  11. I also celebrate both your new bob and the freedom that it symbolizes to you. An external picture of all the internal freedom and healing your are experiencing. Love it. There was a time in my life as I finished college that a new haircut and style symbolized a huge positive shift that happened inside my heart. It marked the beginning of truly caring for my body instead of horribly neglecting it because I felt so much like garbage inside. The freedom I felt with my new 'identity' was new for me but wonderful. Since that time, I've had a lot more shifts but I think I'll always remember tha
  12. That is a very brave thing you did. It sounds very, very difficult. I have dreamed of reporting on my abusers but have not yet made that step. It is terrifying. You mention many of the things that I also worry about if I would report. Will anything happen? Will I just suffer more? Yes, it is heartbreaking to hear that your abuser believes that what he did is okay. As you have clearly stated, it never was your fault. It was 100% his fault and he deserves to be punished. The aftermath of abuse is real, unfair, heartbreakingly painful, and the ripple effects carry so far. I'm so sorry that you ex
  13. I celebrate the addition to your dream team. You deserve it a thousand times over. Wow, I love that you used your powerful voice to ask for help you need. I also am grateful for your supportive GP. It encourages me when I hear of other supportive individuals to show me that even people that may not have suffered trauma can be supportive. Too many betrayals from those I have trusted has made it extremely difficult to trust others.
  14. You do have a voice. It is strong and it is powerful. What that looks like for you is 100% up to you! Thank you for sharing so bravely and honestly.
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