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Hope321

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    Female

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    Survivor

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  1. Hope321

    #it's not OK

    It's not okay... To say that it doesn't matter because it was so long ago. That my word against my abuser is not enough to bring justice. That statutes of limitations preclude serial abusers and pedophiles from being brought to justice because it takes time for many victims to heal and speak out. That I suffer and feel shame that is rightfully the perpetuator's. That so many victims and survivors are disbelieved, ridiculed, and shamed into silence.
  2. I am so very happy and proud of you for standing up for yourself! The strong, powerful woman you are is using her voice and it is making a difference. What a great result to be able to have a diagnosis for all the physical pain and suffering you have been experiencing so you can continue to get the hell you need and deserve.
  3. Your honesty and vulnerability is refreshing. I saw myself a lot in this post in several different ways, and I also saw what a strong, courageous woman you are for working through all this! First of all, I am so proud of you for working through the anorexia toward freedom. For those who haven't struggled with ED, they may not realize how truly difficult it is to walk the road toward healing. I have also struggled with an eating disorder that began at a pretty early age and became severe enough at age 18 that I lost my period for several years. I've had a complicated relationship with food
  4. I definitely feel very upset for you that you have to deal with such a difficult man! I also loved hearing about your loving relationship with G and your lovely cooking memories. I like his quote that memories are tomorrow's nostalgia. That is a refreshing perspective. I also have found great release in writing the truth about the deeply flawed, horrible actions of people I have encountered in my life. For so long, I didn't realize I had the power to admit the truth of what they were and the evil of their actions. Although I began to write about my abusers, I have since started jour
  5. Hope321

    I Got Help

    I am so happy to hear you had a great experience! It is wonderful to meet, get to know, and receive help from truly supportive people. For me, it slowly restores my faith in humanity. Welcome back!
  6. @LisaButterfly Your support and encouragement are validating on a lot of levels. Why is it so hard to believe the positives about myself? Maybe it just takes time to ‘reprogram’ my belief system because the lies are still very entrenched. I deeply appreciate your kind, affirming words. Much respect to you as well.
  7. I just got home from dropping my child off at daycare and I cried on the way home. BUT they were good, healing tears. So hang in there with the story…it does have a good ending. Rewind to yesterday morning. I’m getting ready to go out the door amidst the mad rush of getting shoes on, backpacks ready, thermoses filled, coats on, the approximately 1,000,000 things that all need to be done when getting a 3 and 4 year-old out the door. My youngest child says in a scared voice, Is T going to be at school today? This is the first time I have heard her mention this name, so my ears perk up and m
  8. I also celebrate both your new bob and the freedom that it symbolizes to you. An external picture of all the internal freedom and healing your are experiencing. Love it. There was a time in my life as I finished college that a new haircut and style symbolized a huge positive shift that happened inside my heart. It marked the beginning of truly caring for my body instead of horribly neglecting it because I felt so much like garbage inside. The freedom I felt with my new 'identity' was new for me but wonderful. Since that time, I've had a lot more shifts but I think I'll always remember tha
  9. That is a very brave thing you did. It sounds very, very difficult. I have dreamed of reporting on my abusers but have not yet made that step. It is terrifying. You mention many of the things that I also worry about if I would report. Will anything happen? Will I just suffer more? Yes, it is heartbreaking to hear that your abuser believes that what he did is okay. As you have clearly stated, it never was your fault. It was 100% his fault and he deserves to be punished. The aftermath of abuse is real, unfair, heartbreakingly painful, and the ripple effects carry so far. I'm so sorry that you ex
  10. I celebrate the addition to your dream team. You deserve it a thousand times over. Wow, I love that you used your powerful voice to ask for help you need. I also am grateful for your supportive GP. It encourages me when I hear of other supportive individuals to show me that even people that may not have suffered trauma can be supportive. Too many betrayals from those I have trusted has made it extremely difficult to trust others.
  11. You do have a voice. It is strong and it is powerful. What that looks like for you is 100% up to you! Thank you for sharing so bravely and honestly.
  12. "When you're high on the good things in life it's your right to enjoy it." I love this. What a beautiful reminder for me to accept the good things in life because I DO (we DO) deserve them just because. Not because I earned it, or paid for it with blood, sweat and tears. But because it is our fundamental right as human beings. Thanks for putting words to something I desperately needed to hear tonight.
  13. Thank you all for your kind, welcoming and supportive words. They make my heart happy. It means so much not to be alone.
  14. I have recently joined this forum as the next step in my healing journey. I have been encouraged by the posts I have read so far and the unconditional support that is offered. It is such a beautiful thing. I have lived for as long as I can remember in fear, with feelings of deep shame and unworthiness. For a long time, I was certain there was something wrong with me and there was little if anything I could do about it. Now I have recently been able to acknowledge the severe trauma I suffered in my past so that I can work through it. So much in my past makes sense as I am seeing the t
  15. Welcome to After Silence! I am also a new member and I think it is a brave thing you did to reach out and join. I am so sorry for what happened to you and hope you find support on your journey. ~ Hope
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