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About Celia

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    Staying Quiet

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    Listening to music and writing poems

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  1. Well, I'm back.  After tricking myself to think I've been okay since October, and I'm not.  Why do people think therapy is supposed to suddenly fix everything and make you okay?  I finished therapy already and I'm NOT okay. 😭😭


    Anyone I can talk to?  Even if it's just to know each other and talk about what we like, and not about memories.  


    The thing about this site, though, is I don't even know what to say anymore.  I feel like anything I say is useless as everyone is going through the same thing, one other person just added to statistics.  Like I mean nothing.

    1. Show previous comments  6 more
    2. Celia


      @WannaMoveOn That sounds amazing, I'd love to do something like that especially as I don't really have in-person friends to speak to and my online ones (two of them) are busy and I don't like to bug.  I just... I don't know what to say to a therapist or how they'd help me.... or whether it's even worth it.

      I came forward (well... to police) July 2020.  A year after that, things went silent because there wasn't "proof" or enough to bring to court, so it was closed.  However, a friend of mine from when I was very young, experienced abuse like me and came forward.  Now things are started up again and the possibility of testifying in court is back in my mind.  

      I just feel so much, that I don't even know how to explain it and for years, I was used to staying in silence so that's all I feel like doing... but a huge part of me wants to just tell everyone and everything I can while crying.  I'm afraid that I might resort to cutting again if I remain quiet.  I might start talking on here or doing my old poems again.. maybe that'll help.  I'll do that as my therapy for now.

    3. WannaMoveOn


      Then it sounds like you finding somewhere to share is crucial, especially if it what it takes to make you not SH. Have you been at our SH-forum lately, for replacement methods? :( 

      All my support to you, please stay around, and if you want a T, then you should have the last word in that, especially since you are a legal adult now. Having a T is not weak, it shows that you take actions and responsibility for yourself. 💙

    4. Celia


      @WannaMoveOn I suppose, but I'm always told otherwise, that depending on a therapist isn't going to help you because there won't always be one to depend on and you wouldn't be able to take care or depend on yourself.  

      I do knwo about the SH-forum.  I don't like to go there often, though, as I feel triggered sometimes and the replacement methods normally leads to my usual SH.

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