Celia

I'm sorry, Celia. That sounds so difficult.  Sending you strength and positive vibes to make it through each day. ❤️ Sitting with you.

@mini.finch Thank you 😔🙏

Thank you both 😔

Sorry I’m late, sitting with you too 

Thank you

@WannaMoveOn That sounds amazing, I'd love to do something like that especially as I don't really have in-person friends to speak to and my online ones (two of them) are busy and I don't like to bug.  I just... I don't know what to say to a therapist or how they'd help me.... or whether it's even worth it.

I came forward (well... to police) July 2020.  A year after that, things went silent because there wasn't "proof" or enough to bring to court, so it was closed.  However, a friend of mine from when I was very young, experienced abuse like me and came forward.  Now things are started up again and the possibility of testifying in court is back in my mind.  

I just feel so much, that I don't even know how to explain it and for years, I was used to staying in silence so that's all I feel like doing... but a huge part of me wants to just tell everyone and everything I can while crying.  I'm afraid that I might resort to cutting again if I remain quiet.  I might start talking on here or doing my old poems again.. maybe that'll help.  I'll do that as my therapy for now.

Then it sounds like you finding somewhere to share is crucial, especially if it what it takes to make you not SH. Have you been at our SH-forum lately, for replacement methods?  

All my support to you, please stay around, and if you want a T, then you should have the last word in that, especially since you are a legal adult now. Having a T is not weak, it shows that you take actions and responsibility for yourself. 💙

@WannaMoveOn I suppose, but I'm always told otherwise, that depending on a therapist isn't going to help you because there won't always be one to depend on and you wouldn't be able to take care or depend on yourself.  

I do knwo about the SH-forum.  I don't like to go there often, though, as I feel triggered sometimes and the replacement methods normally leads to my usual SH.

Your welcome, hope your doing okay tonight/day.

Thank you, but unfortunately, I'm doing very badly.  Thank you for caring though.  I hope you're well.  

I'm sorry your doing badly, sitting with you hope stuff gets better.

I'm okay I guess, thank you for asking.

@MeBeMary 🥺😔 It's not my painting, I just really like it.  That's true, I never realized it.  I hope I can.  I've been self-harming recently.  Nothing beautiful about that. 

It's always okay, thank you.

I'm so sorry you are struggling. It's so unfair. Butterflies are one of those symbols that I think are hopeful and inspiring, just like the lotus or a phoenix. 

Keep fighting against those urges. I know it is not so easy, but keep reminding yourself to keep fighting. You deserve better and I want you to keep reminding yourself of that. 

More hugs and wishing you the best to overcome these undeserved struggles.   

@MeBeMary  Thank you very much.  I will try to remember that. 🌺🌺. Butterflies do seem very free.  I think I'd think that as the same equivalency as flying in a plane or being a pilot.  

I live with them. 

Okay 😭😭

Many safe hugs to you friend , sitting with you.

🙏🏻😔 thank you, to you as well

Oh no.  I'm so sorry, Celia. *safe hugs if ok* Please take care of yourself. Treat your wounds if you have any, and stay safe. I know it can be very hard. Do you have a therapist to talk to? Or anyone else you can confide in? We're here for you. Try to do things that you enjoy to take your mind off. You are loved and appreciated.

I always appreciate hugs.  I am somewhat taking care of the wounds.  I used to have a therapist, but not anymore and I can't ask for another one.  Thank you 

I’m sorry. Sitting with you.

Sitting with you too @Celia

Thank you both 😔😣

Oh no.  I'm so sorry.  I recently had a new flashback/memory as well. It's so difficult and emotional. Sitting with you, if you'd like? *hands you tissues* Be very gentle with yourself. We're here for you!!

I'd like sitters and thank you.  I'm sorry as well, please be gentle with yourself too.