I'm very sorry for what you've been through, but I'm so happy that you've found AS! This is truly a supportive platform where you can open up as much or as little as you wish. I understand your struggles and fears about speaking up as it is something I am currently trying to work through myself. Just know that whatever your feelings are right now, and whatever you decide, is completely valid. Remember to be kind and gentle with yourself as you heal and process everything.
Your story and struggles are not a burden you have to bear alone.
I hope you find the comfort and community here that you're looking for. And again, welcome!