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Sj85

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    Survivor

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  1. Hey, thanks for having me. Been reading all the stickies and public posts and you seem like a nice bunch. I’m here because of CSA. It wasn’t dealt with very well in my family. I’m mid-30s and been in and out of primary MH interventions and therapy for 15 + years, antidepressants, substances and other unhealthy coping mechanisms, etc. Recently (since lockdown in fact) tried “sober” for the first time ever. Did about 70 days. AA is many things, most of them good, but you can’t take your trauma there. That’s not what it’s for apparently. I am just so sick of being a big paranoid emotional, avoidant, socially anxious mess. I hate hate hate myself, smoke more than anyone I have ever met and hadn't been sober for more than a couple of days for my entire adult life. I have always held down a job but it’s HARD. Sure everyone here understands. All my relationships have failed. I’ve isolated myself from friends. Things just keep getting worse as I get older, and I need to sort this out so I can make some kind of normal life for myself (or just survive, but not like this). Wrote an intro and deleted most of it but just makes you realise wow there’s just so much to say. Anyway, been with my therapist for 3ish years and he's a good one, we have done some good work I guess but I know I still need to “process” all the stuff. I don’t talk about it (even in therapy really, just skirt around it) because it always creates a nasty atmosphere with people. They don't know what to do with the information and I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable. So, after lots of frustration I thought I'd try and find somewhere like this and talk about it. So hiii, let's see if this helps me get a bit further down this road 😉 This is all a bit grim but just imagine I'm saying it with a smile on my face. It's all good even if it's not really xx I'm a nice person I like dad jokes and Fleetwood Mac and love cats (you're never allowed one if you are a private renter, but I'll get there one day).
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