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  1. Hi Everyone.. my name is Mya. I am a college student athlete who plays D1 tennis, and have suffered 2 experiences of sexual assault and abuse within the sports/training world. I was assaulted, by my best friend who I used to practice with. I was 14, he was 19 and I didn't even process what had actually happened to me un till I was 19. It was my first experience with alcohol, and first experience with a boy. I live in a super misogynistic, machismo household with 3 brothers who all play sports. So I internalized that entire experience as my fault, and have had so many repressed feelings of guilt, and shame. My mentality has always been ingrained to repress and keep pushing so thats what I did for so long. Between 15-21 (I am 21 now) I started to work with this trainer. As of about a month ago, I am finally coming to terms with the fact that I was sexually abused, and groomed by my athletic trainer for almost 7 years. I began to train with him in a vulnerable headspace to begin with, and he capitalized on it and sexually and psychologically abused me for years. I guess I will go into the ins and outs of that in the share my story thread, but I was referred to this website by my aunt, and my moms best friend. Probably one of the only two people who fully validate my experiences in my family. Once I confronted that I was abused by my trainer (who was well liked in my family), to my family all hell broke lose. Everyone is trying to take legal action, and push me to it and fix years of abuse as fast as they can and I feel so overwhelmed, nervous, scared, ashamed, embarrassed and literally all of the above. I know deep down i want justice, and that there are other girls in that gym suffering. But I know how victims are treated and I am petrified of the legal process, and of him so I am terrified. I also have so much external pressure to return to my senior year of sport in the fall, but the thought of training or playing tennis right now just does not feel good. I am happy I found After silence, and can be surrounded by people who knows how it feels. I feel such a mix of feelings and a lot of them criss cross and contradict with eachother on what action steps I want to take next. The first time I even opened up to my therapist about this trainer was about a week ago, and a report had to be made because the abuse started when I was 15... and he was like 38. Anyways, I plan on staying and sharing more little by little. This whole process was really scary for me, even signing up for this I felt nervous. But I am happy to be here and thankful for this safe environment with so many strong individuals. Sending love to everyone. Mya
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