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  1. Sorayaa


    Hello, @Elizabethmaryc Thank you for your kindness☺️ i also have long periods sometimes where it doesn't affect me and then all of a sudden its back again. I'm really happy that you're in therapy, I hope to start one day.
  2. @Elizabethmaryc I'm sure it will! if you ever want to talk about anything, feel free to message me. I may not be able to help much but I can definitely listen☺️
  3. Sorayaa


    @Romani thank you for your reply! I definitely will try your method. I tend to just try to convince myself that I'm making it up but that clearly hasn't been working for me so I'm open to try anything.
  4. Sorayaa


    @BraveGirl It sounds like you can relate to me. I really hope you receive the help and support you need ☺️
  5. Hello @Elizabethmaryc Welcome to After Silence! I am so sorry for what you're going through. I'm also very new here and I can't offer you much advice but I wanted to let you know that I too have had dreams about what happened to me and you're not alone. I've only posted once but it has already helped me tremendously. I'm sure you'll find the support you need here!
  6. Sorayaa


    Thank you guys so much for taking the time to reply! I didn’t think reading your responses would affect me so much. Ive tried so hard to keep everything a secret and I didn’t realise how much I needed to read your support. I’ve always braced myself for people not believing me so reading your messages feel kinda surreal. This lockdown has given me far too much time to overthink it and I’m happy I can share in this setting rather than driving myself mad on my own.
  7. Sorayaa


    Hello, I recently found this site and decided I should try to contribute. When I was 15 ( I am 20 currently) something happened to me. I say “something” because I don’t really remember what exactly happened that day. I won’t go into details though I should say I’m certain I wasn’t raped. I always knew something uncomfortable had happened but I didn’t really remember anything else until I was around 18. Even then, I only remembered it in pieces. I still don’t remember it all but once or twice a year I’ll either remember more details or I’ll dream about it and it feels like I’m reliving the whole thing all over again. For a while I didn’t think it actually happened. I thought it was a dream that felt too real. But now I’m 100% sure it happened. Whenever I remember more details or dream about it, it turns my life upside down. It always seems to happen at the worst possible times, like when I have a lot of work due or exams to sit and it has made it really difficult for me to continue education. It sometimes feels like I’m acting instead of living my life. Recently it’s started to make me feel like I’m not in my body or that I’m watching myself do things. I’ve never actually told anyone what happened to me. I can’t mention it to my family because they’re not the most supportive. I tried somewhat mentioning it to a psychiatrist but it really isn’t something I can talk about. I can’t get my words out, I cry and every time I attempt to talk about it I fall into a deep depression. I think the worst thing to me is knowing that if I ever felt strong enough to report it or even tell someone, I wouldn’t know what to say because I don’t know exactly what happened. I keep asking myself how I can expect people to believe me if I didn’t even believe myself at first? I know that it’s never the victims fault yet I blame myself everyday. I desperately want to go to therapy to begin repairing my life but i really don’t think I am strong enough to do that yet. I’m hoping talking about it on here will make me feel comfortable enough to seek professional help. I am sorry for the incredibly long post but I guess I’m on here mainly to see if other people struggle to remember what happened to them and how they deal with it.
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